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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask my sister to not walk around our house in states of undress!

157 replies

JenGin · 19/08/2022 10:53

My younger sister often stays with us for a few days at a time as she lives fairly far away and we like to spend time together and have always been a close knit family.

The last few times she's obviously getting more and more comfortable and has starting coming downstairs in the mornings and evenings wearing her, really quite skimpy, pj's. I guess they could be described as lacy hotpants and a crop top. She's now even go as far as strolling around in just her underwear after her shower!

I have no insecurities about my husband being interested in her or checking her out but for some reason I am finding it a bit uncomfortable. Am I being unfair to consider asking her to at least put on a dressing gown? The most I've said is along the lines of "aren't you a bit cold in just that?" but she obviously didn't see it as a hint and continues to do it.

Is it really too different to her being in a bikini when we're all at the beach or does it cross some sort of boundary? I know that if I did bring the topic up she'd laugh it off and tell me I'm being a prude and genuinely not understand what the problem is. Maybe it isn't a problem and it's something I need to get over? I just don't know.

OP posts:
Victoriaplum81 · 19/08/2022 10:55

Yeah it’s weird.
It’s just a bit inappropriate in someone else’s house.

Dotjones · 19/08/2022 10:58

I don't mean to sound harsh but the problem is more your attitude to the shame of the human body than her walking around in her underwear. If she feels comfortable with little on, that's a good thing. People shouldn't be shamed into covering up, as you say, if she were at the beach you'd not bat an eyelid. She's comfortable with her body, good.

Mammma91 · 19/08/2022 10:58

As much as she’s your sister, it is inappropriate. She’s still in someone else’s home even if it is her sisters, she knows your husband is there.
I am not insecure but that would very much be overstepping a boundary.

moksorineouimoksori · 19/08/2022 10:58

What's wrong with your sister having body parts? I don't know, I just couldn't get worked up over this. I'm sure it will happen less over the winter months anyway! I suppose it's not a massive ask to request that she puts a dressing gown on, but I'd feel a bit like I was shaming someone for having a body, which we all do...

thefizz · 19/08/2022 11:01

It's your house. If you feel uncomfortable about her dress (or non) dress code whilst in your house you are allowed to say something. Ask her to throw on a light wrap (dressing gown thing) when floating around the house. No knickers on show, that kind of thing.

Why should you feel uncomfortable in your own house. She sounds a bit self absorbed to me.

LaingsAcidTab · 19/08/2022 11:01

This is not about body-shaming, ffs! This is about what feels appropriate to you, OP. It feels like a little bit of a power play on her part, tbh, particularly when it comes to wandering around in underwear. Nope.

Original poster
JenGin · 19/08/2022 11:02

@Dotjones @moksorineouimoksori

Yes I certainly don't want her to feel like I'm shaming her and I'm really not. I just know I wouldn't walk around her and her husbands house in skimpy pj's or a thong. I can't even put my finger on why I wouldn't find it appropriate, I just wouldn't.

Maybe it is just me. Yes we all have bodies and yes she's obviously just comfortable and there's nothing sexual about it. I certainly walk around my own house with very little on at times but definitely not anyone else's.

OP posts:
MsChatterbox · 19/08/2022 11:03

Yes it's inappropriate. Even if it wasn't, she's making you feel uncomfortable in your own home and so it needs addressing. Be honest and if she takes it as a joke then be honest again!

Tohaveandtohold · 19/08/2022 11:03

If you’re a guest in someone’s house, I think you’ll be so inconsiderate to make them feel uncomfortable in their own house. You feel she should at least cover up when walking around the house, no problem with that as it’s your house your rules.
Imagine it’s the other way round and your partner is walking around almost naked when she’s there as well, I bet she may say she’s uncomfortable. I’m not insecure but I just think it’s common sense that when you’re a guest, you model the behaviour of the host.

frazzledasarock · 19/08/2022 11:03

If it makes you uncomfortable she can throw on a long T-shirt.

it’s not appropriate to walk around in your underwear in other peoples houses/public.

it may just be body parts, but I wouldn’t want to be around anyone walking about in a state of undress. It’s not appropriate and is making you uncomfortable in your own home and that’s a good enough reason.

tell her to put some clothes on.

Thefruitbatdancer · 19/08/2022 11:06

It's not about body shaming, this is about your sister inflicting her underwear & semi naked body on you & your family. You haven't asked to see it, she has decided to inflict her semi naked state on you. That's the difference & that's what people are deliberately avoiding to address. It's not about female empowerment, it's about having the social etiquette to dress & behave appropriately to the situation that you're in. I wouldn't turn up to an interview in a skimpy t shirt & shorts.

Original poster
JenGin · 19/08/2022 11:07

Thanks for the replies. I think I'll just broach the subject in a lighthearted way and just mention that I'd prefer she throw on a wrap or a dressing gown. We certainly wouldn't fall out over it but I do think she'll probably make me feel like I'm being silly or worse, make it sound as if can't trust my husband around her in her underwear, which absolutely isn't the case. It's more just a niggling feeling which I'm probably building up to be worse than it is. I'll have a chat over a glass of wine and bring it up.

OP posts:
Tredofthemadness · 19/08/2022 11:12

Yeah, I had a friend who did exactly this. She was after my husband. I am 99% sure that it worked, and that they DID shag in the end. She knew exactly what she was doing.

As for this comment : What's wrong with your sister having body parts?, I just can't believe how incredibly naive some women are.

TooMuchToDoTooLittleInclination · 19/08/2022 11:17

Dotjones · 19/08/2022 10:58

I don't mean to sound harsh but the problem is more your attitude to the shame of the human body than her walking around in her underwear. If she feels comfortable with little on, that's a good thing. People shouldn't be shamed into covering up, as you say, if she were at the beach you'd not bat an eyelid. She's comfortable with her body, good.

Don't be ridiculous.

@JenGin how old is she?

I'd tell her it's inappropriate and making you both uncomfortable. Tell her to pack it in.

if you get any lip, just tell her she's welcome to come & visit, but not if she can't behave herself.

Original poster
JenGin · 19/08/2022 11:19

Tredofthemadness · 19/08/2022 11:12

Yeah, I had a friend who did exactly this. She was after my husband. I am 99% sure that it worked, and that they DID shag in the end. She knew exactly what she was doing.

As for this comment : What's wrong with your sister having body parts?, I just can't believe how incredibly naive some women are.

Gosh I really don't think it's anything like that! She has a loving husband who she adores! She has a fab figure and I think she's just very comfortable with herself rather than trying to catch anyone's attention! If that WERE the case things would be very different!

@TooMuchToDoTooLittleInclination She's 25

OP posts:
Maireas · 19/08/2022 11:19

Well if she has a husband she's obviously not a teenager.

AM453 · 19/08/2022 11:19

I'm surprised your sister even feels comfortable to walk around someone else's house in her underwear! Fair enough if it were just the 2 of yous but she should have some respect knowing that your husband is also in the house.

Tell her to put some clothes on or she can leave if she doesn't oblige.

Munchyseeds2 · 19/08/2022 11:20

I walk around with not alot on when I in our home and we dont have visitors
Wouldn't dream of e er doing it in someone else's home
Just tell her to go put some clothes on!!

Munchyseeds2 · 19/08/2022 11:23

I walk around with not alot on when I in our home and we dont have visitors
Wouldn't dream of e er doing it in someone else's home
Just tell her to go put some clothes on!!

Vikinga · 19/08/2022 11:24

My girls are teens and walk around in very skimpy clothes. They are slightly less skimpy when my boyfriend is over. But always at least what you would see on the beach.

Have you been married quite a while op? She may have been young when she got to know your husband and maybe considers him like a brother and very much a part of the family.

Anyway, if you're uncomfortable just tell her.

hummerbird · 19/08/2022 11:26

If you are a prude it's fine. You are allowed to be in your own house.
You are also entitled to say so. Don't bottle it up.

Maireas · 19/08/2022 11:26

Always the argument on here "you'd see that on a beach" - you're not on a beach, you're in someone's home. The convention is to be dressed.

MagnoliatheMagnificent · 19/08/2022 11:26

I wouldn't feel comfortable with it and quite frankly I don't want to look at someone else's buttocks while I'm having a cup of tea (or ever!) It's not right wandering round in a thong particularly, far too much on show. Nope.

Thestagshead · 19/08/2022 11:30

It’s not body shaming for gods sake, who walks about someone else’s house in their underwear in front of the husband or skimpy pyjamas. It’s exhibitionist and not ok. Tell her to cover it up

Imthedamnfoolwhoshothim · 19/08/2022 11:30

Dotjones · 19/08/2022 10:58

I don't mean to sound harsh but the problem is more your attitude to the shame of the human body than her walking around in her underwear. If she feels comfortable with little on, that's a good thing. People shouldn't be shamed into covering up, as you say, if she were at the beach you'd not bat an eyelid. She's comfortable with her body, good.

Her sister should feel shame. When a guest in someone's home you don't trot around like that.
She isn't at the beach she is aguets and she will do as she is told.