To have reacted as I did to random man?

[surreygirl1987]

Was walking down the road earlier, near my house. Was pretty cheerful - my A Level class has done really well (teacher, results' day), it was sunny, life felt good. I was minding my own business when a man across the road yelled 'looking good, love!' at me.

I know it was intended as a compliment, but I hate this sort of thing - I feel objectified and angry that women are viewed as objects to aesthetically please men. So I stopped, took my sunglasses off, and said 'seriously - what is wrong with some men?' He said 'what are you on about?' and I said I don't appreciate been yelled at and objectified by random strangers when I'm just minding my own business. We went back and forth like this briefly, and he got pretty angry and called me a 'stuck up cow' before storming off.

I know it's not the worst thing in the world he could have done, and he was clearly complimenting me, but am I unreasonable to hate it, and to tell him I don't want that sort of attention? For me it was the equivalent to being wolf-whisted at. What do others think? Was I unfair?

Yes! I also have two boys who are younger, and I agree that their education begins at home.

a few months back, I was in the supermarket car park and a couple of teenage boys in the local school were noisily discussing a classmate who as a ‘fucking faggot.’ I called them out on that, and told them that using that slur was homophobic. Then I promptly told the kids when I got home. I live in hope that the world will be a bit better if I speak up.

Well done op! Yelling across the street is NOT acceptable behaviour.

If you want to interact with someone when out walking, you make eye contact, and either nod, small smile or say "good morning". If they don't make eye contact back you say nothing, nothing at all. No one is obliged to interact with you.

This happened to me I just shouted “ok cheers, you too!” and carried on my way

I think I would have just smiled and carried on with my day to be honest as it is not as if he said something bad to you. Different if he was rude. That would not bother me at all.

@SpaceyGirl there’s always a woman that defends these men.
internalised misogyny strikes again

People like to banter - just banter back!?

You most likely won’t ever see them again. It wasn’t offensive or abusive. I get that some people would find this irritating or intimidating. But surely this was an overreaction.

I like what a pp said - how would you have reacted if another woman had said this?

The only reason I wouldn’t do something similar is because I’m afraid he’ll come over and do something to me because I haven’t behaved like he expects me to - intimidate me, shout in my face, hit me, who knows, rape me, to show me my place and what a big man he is. I’m afraid of men and always will be.

I always have headphones on and listening to music. I live in peace now. Can’t hear wolf whistles, cat calls, honks

26% think YABU, actually worries me and breaks my heart.

these women are bringing up boys who will cat call, and worse, our daughters tomorrow.

misogyny, sexism, gender based discrimination and violence are on a continuum. Violent incels don’t start off wanting to shoot women dead. They start thinking it’s their right as a man to saying/doing/having XYZ from women (attention, sex, whAtever it is)

• The term ‘banter’ is such a handy catchall for the rubbish men say.
• The vast majority of us find it offensive to have anything shouted at us in the street by some random fool. It’s a bit bizarre that you don’t, but each to their own.
• Telling someone who had shouted something at you in the street that you don’t like having things shouted at you in the street isn’t an ‘overreaction’.
• A woman has never catcalled me of shouted anything at me in the street. Has a woman ever catcalled you?

You're minimising his poor behaviour while trying to characterise OP as unreasonable. That’s some intense internalised misogyny you’ve got going on.

YANBU why can't we just go about our day without being made to feel that we're being assessed for our looks?! I've been whistled at when I've had my baby with me! I'm still carrying baby weight (baby is 3 months old) and don't look anything like pre pregnancy and whether it's meant as a compliment or not, I'm feeling quite self conscious about how I look post birth and don't want anyone looking at me thinking anything about my looks!

Those are not the only options. He could've kept his manly mouth shut & minded his own business.

The weirdest one I had was a guy walking towards me on a pavement, who deliberately walked at me & set up/continued the old 'you step this way, I step that way' dance, impeding me over & over until I looked at him with displeasure instead of the smile or laugh he was obviously trying for - at which he said crossly as though disciplining a child, "It won't do you any good putting that face on." WTF? I didn't honour that with a reply. I just walked off.

YANBU!! That was not a compliment - it was sexual harassment and men need to be raised & challenged to understand this!

OP you are my hero, along with an OP on another thread that said "thanks for your comment, random man" in a similar situation.

YES!^
The point is they wouldn’t say it to a man.

Men say things like that as they feel entitled to a favourable response and attention from you, like they’ve done you a favour and you should be grateful and simper back happily to them. Can’t stand it, I’ve done the same thing and told him to f*ck off which also got a surprised but at least not an aggressive response.

Stuff like this doesn't bother me personally however if you don't like it then your feelings are justified and you shouldn't be made to feel uncomfortable walking down the street

There's nothing wrong with - as you so eloquently put it - taking up someone's time with a few minutes of friendly conversation. In fact, living in London, I wish more people would do it more often.

Just a couple of days ago a random woman engaged me for a few moments in harmless chatter. We were both unlocking our bikes near one another, and she piped up "We're the healthy ones." I responded in kind, and we chatted for maybe another minute.

Should I have been annoyed at her entitlement at taking up my time? From what several posters are saying, it appears I should have. Ridiculous.

The only question is whether 'Looking good' is an acceptable statement to make to a stranger. But as far as 'taking up time', gimmi a break. That's just nice human interaction.

Good for you OP. If you felt objectified then well done for sticking up for yourself.

I know I'll get stick for this, however I was shouted 'hey gorgeous' something along those lines not so long ago as I was walking down the street. The person was driving past. As a nearly 40 year old with not the most attentive husband, I couldn't help but feel happy at that moment and flattered!

I have said to random people that I passed in the streets- you look lovely in that outfit, your hair looks wonderful, you look great in that shirt, etc. I am a straight woman in my 60s and I feel it is just something to cheer someone up.

People have usually been appreciative.

I got that idea that it was not a bad thing to say something when my 70 year old aunt was so happy when a stranger told her how good she looked she called me to tell me about.

Sometimes people just want to say something positive.

Oh come on. They are allowed to breathe

I just don't get where they have picked up that it is an acceptable way to behave?

Yep, I'm with you. I complement strangers. I would have been happy in OP's shoes. It was a fairly polite, friendly compliment (not, e.g. "nice tits, love!"). I don't think it's objectification, or proof of his sense of male superiority etc. Not everything has to turn into a lesson.

If you honestly can't see the difference between those two interactions, I'm really not sure I can help you, but let's at least try.

In one, two people with a common interest strike up a few minutes of natural, mutually enjoyable conversation.

In the other, one person takes it up themselves to force themselves into the consciousness of another by making a personal comment. Shouting a personal comment across the road is not a raok. It's one person insisting they have the right to your time and energy.

Totally different.

The utter arrogance of a man like that to think that a passing stranger needs to know his opinion on how they look. He was a tosser. Let’s keep calling it out. (Yes guys in the street often say a lot worse than this bloke but so what it’s still sexist rubbish).

YANBU. I hate the entitlement of men who think it is okay to shout remarks at women. And I’m disappointed that some women think it is perfectly okay.