To have reacted as I did to random man?

[surreygirl1987]

Was walking down the road earlier, near my house. Was pretty cheerful - my A Level class has done really well (teacher, results' day), it was sunny, life felt good. I was minding my own business when a man across the road yelled 'looking good, love!' at me.

I know it was intended as a compliment, but I hate this sort of thing - I feel objectified and angry that women are viewed as objects to aesthetically please men. So I stopped, took my sunglasses off, and said 'seriously - what is wrong with some men?' He said 'what are you on about?' and I said I don't appreciate been yelled at and objectified by random strangers when I'm just minding my own business. We went back and forth like this briefly, and he got pretty angry and called me a 'stuck up cow' before storming off.

I know it's not the worst thing in the world he could have done, and he was clearly complimenting me, but am I unreasonable to hate it, and to tell him I don't want that sort of attention? For me it was the equivalent to being wolf-whisted at. What do others think? Was I unfair?

It's not extreme at all. That is exactly what it's like for many women in many cities. It's what it was like for me when I was younger and still can be on a bad day.

It IS the norm! How absolutely fucking dare you tell women what they experience?

What will it take before you accept that women know what happens to them better than you do? What proof will you not dismiss as somehow not valid?

You are no better than those creeps. They thrive off men like you telling their victims that they're wrong.

How did you get such a God complex?

In a thread about street harassment, it's depressing to see so many men coming on, declaring themselves the good guys and then proceeding to dismiss and belittle women at every turn. The guy who tried to liken a robust response to his post to unsolicited sexual comments. The charmer above who literally sees the evidence and still tells us it doesn't count, while expecting us to believe he's angry about it and attempting to finish with a dig. An embarrassingly lame, overdone and unfunny one but the point is, even while telling us what a good guy he is, he's got to have a go.

And you know that even if we're lucky enough to get them to believe women when they say happens to them, they're still scratching their heads as to why so many men feel confident in acting this way. Where does the backdrop that enables it come from? Such a mystery!

@Liivee

You're clearly either an idiot or in a wind up. Or both.

If that is what your area is like, get tf out!

You hear it here first women from our clever friend @Liivee - if you feel unsafe in your area then he has the perfect solution that none of us has ever thought of before... simply move! Poor? No funds to relocate? Then tough shit.

And mate, that is what it's like being a woman, for many women.

A constant fucking barrage of men giving an uninvited, unwanted running commentary on our appearance and then further commentary on our response to their comments.

It's exhausting and gross.

And it isn't exclusive to less wealthy areas that you describe as 'gutter trash' ones. Such eloquence. In fact it's often worse in areas like Knightsbridge where an extra dollop of entitlement and arrogance is added to the harassment from men who think that a decent suit and loafers mean they can't possibly be bothering a woman and we are lucky to have their attention.

I really hope you don't actually know many women in real life. I just can't imagine a group of men sharing a common and troubling experience with me, me telling them it's bullshit as if I know better, them showing me a video showing I was wrong to not believe them and then saying they and the video are wrong.

Oh to have the confidence of a thoroughly mediocre man, eh?

If you won't believe the personal testimonies of women who experience it, nor video evidence, what will you believe?

Answer: nothing. Because for all your airs, and all your claims about how any woman who talks openly about harassment merely "hates all men", the truth is that you're on the side of the creeps. You dismiss the evidence, you cry misandry when women tell you how they are treated, you claim to know their experiences better than they do and on some level I think you know it, which is why you keep on bidding us farewell yet clearly can't leave.

You are infuriated, not by harassment as you claim, but by women being right about this and not accepting your correction over their own experiences. So you dismiss the proof and you lie about it being nothing more than man-hating. You see misandry in discussions of harassment, but none of your own misogyny.

There is literally nothing women can tell you or show you that you won't accept as evidence or attempt to dismiss as man-hating.

And you call yourself a hero.

It was a compliment.
Seriously, why start a potential row with someone over that?!
YABU

Sigh. I meant, of course: There is literally nothing women can tell you or show you that you won't dismiss as evidence or attempt to dismiss as man-hating.

It's been a long day on very little sleep. It's been an even longer time of men barking filth at me and laying hands on me on the streets, and other men telling me it didn't happen and I'm just a Horrible Man Hater (TM). Bonus points if his girlfriend agrees with him and some of his best friends are black.

Meanwhile, I've just told someone else about the times men online threatened to mutilate my genitals and slit my throat, and he's responded by laughing.

These guys wouldn't last 30 seconds in our world.

A compliment is a friend telling me he likes my blue jacket in the context of a social setting, sexual harassment is a stranger shouting “You look good luv” from a car while I’m walking alone.

Why is this so bloody difficult to understand for some?

Except that it's never women, is it?

On very rare occasions, a woman might say 'your outfit looks fantastic', or ask you where you bought something. I've never, during the whole course of my life, had 'looking good luv' shouted at me by a female stranger.

You should get out more.

I live in central London and hardly at home (which classifies me as "someone who is out quite a lot") and I've never had a female shout at me "looking good luv" from the other side of the street in my whole life.

Ever.

Why is this so bloody difficult to understand for some?
Why is it so bloody difficult to understand for some that we don't all think the same?!
Someone shouting looking good love I seriously could not get worked up about.
I'd inwardly smile, possibly shake my head in a "oookay" type way and then go on with my day.
We're not all the same, thank goodness.

You commented this upthread:

It was a compliment.
Seriously, why start a potential row with someone over that?! YABU

So, just to clear, that was you understanding that we ‘don’t all think the same’?

@Sandra1984 compliment is a friend telling me he likes my blue jacket in the context of a social setting, sexual harassment is a stranger shouting “You look good luv” from a car while I’m walking alone.

Why is this so bloody difficult to understand for some?

I was responding to this

Indeed. And she was responding to your comment, which I have quoted. I’m now asking if you feel that you practice what you preach. Do you think that your initial comment recognised and respected that other women might feel differently to you?

Of course I understand that people may feel differently to me.
Somebody saying why is this so hard for some to understand for some people?! implied that they don't understand that we all think differently.
I don't have a problem with it
Some do.
Thats also ok

I would take it as a compliment others wouldn't. That's fine but to say it's not a compliment and how hard is that to understand for some?! er, no, that's your opinion not fact, just like my opinion is mine.

@ToGanymedeAndTitan I’m not asking what you feel, I’m asking about what’s conveyed in your initial comment. So, do you feel that It was a compliment. Seriously, why start a potential row with someone over that?! was not you stating that it was a compliment as fact?

You really feel that comment indicated that you respect other people may feel differently?

Seriously, why start a potential row with someone over that?!

Erm, I was walking along minding my own business. HE started yelling across the road at ME! Why is that so hard to understand? I did not 'start a potential row'!

HE started yelling across the road at ME!
Looking good love hardly constitutes yelling at you.
In my opinion. You're entitled to yours too.

Yelling generally means shouted.

He shouted. Across a road. At OP.

Saying he didn't yell is semantics and a stretch.

Looking good love hardly constitutes yelling at you.

Well... he did yell. As in shouted. And his words were directed at me. So I can't see how you can think he didn't yell at me..?

I came to say I'd be flattered but actually to think of it I'm not sure I would be. Any time something like this has happened to me I've felt hugely uncomfortable. I'm carrying some baby weight so it would be unlikely to happen now but someone once looked me up and down and said "aren't you a treat". It was 10 years ago and I remember the exact words because I felt so uncomfortable, like feeling exposed, so not a good feeling.

I think you were ballsy to do what you did. I mean that in a positive way. Although we're told these comments are meant to be a compliment I can't imagine my father or husband ever saying them to another woman. It's a particular type of man. Good for you!

@absolutelyanythingwilldo

Surely these are all old men right? No one under 50 says 'love' anymore do they?
You clearly don't live round these parts - everybody calls everybody love, (or luv) regardless of age or male or female 😁
Blokes to other blokes call each other love (luv) too, blokes to women, women to blokes, doesn't matter if you're 20 or 90 everyone's at it lol