To have reacted as I did to random man?

[surreygirl1987]

Was walking down the road earlier, near my house. Was pretty cheerful - my A Level class has done really well (teacher, results' day), it was sunny, life felt good. I was minding my own business when a man across the road yelled 'looking good, love!' at me.

I know it was intended as a compliment, but I hate this sort of thing - I feel objectified and angry that women are viewed as objects to aesthetically please men. So I stopped, took my sunglasses off, and said 'seriously - what is wrong with some men?' He said 'what are you on about?' and I said I don't appreciate been yelled at and objectified by random strangers when I'm just minding my own business. We went back and forth like this briefly, and he got pretty angry and called me a 'stuck up cow' before storming off.

I know it's not the worst thing in the world he could have done, and he was clearly complimenting me, but am I unreasonable to hate it, and to tell him I don't want that sort of attention? For me it was the equivalent to being wolf-whisted at. What do others think? Was I unfair?

Its the arrogance of the assumption that somehow the approval of a random man will make my day. I'm just minding my own business and suddenly I'm made aware a stranger has been appraising my fuckability and thought I'd appreciate them sharing their conclusions.

Random men please shut up, fuck off and leave me alone. I do not care or want to know what you think of my appearance.

Context is everything. Was the other OP upset by the remarks? Was she approached cold without any other remarks from the man? I can see users cheering her on if it made her smile or the man had a more "charming" vibe. Dunno

What @fufflecake said

i get the whole ‘out minding your own business’ thing OP. Why do men think its okay to interrupt your day and force interaction on women?

i was out running yesterday and passed some random bloke who was plodding along on the pavement in front of me. I didn’t comment, didn’t even look at him, but his ego was obviously outraged that a woman was out pacing him!

A little while later he overtook me and shouted out ‘thanks for making me run quicker’ - like my whole function was to improve his run or his day or whatever.

i was raging! 😂

i don’t care what you think about how I look, how i smile, how i run. Just keep your thoughts to yourself and go about your day!

Exactly!

Yes your reply was odd. He was just being friendly and complementing you.
Would you rather he had shouted out you ugly cow, or your looking ugly today??
Some people.

I don't think that is acceptable

Yes!

No she wasn't, but how does anyone know how anyone is going to feel when they say something to a stranger. Maybe this man wanted to pay someone a compliment. Especially if it looked like the op was having a great day and probably did look goodm
I'm completely understand though that people can feel how they want to about these things.

It's not just the appraisal by some men but the attitude that they can just encroach on you when you're going about your business.

Had some random man telling me I was buying the wrong strawberries in Sainsburys the other day . Didn't realise my choice of fruit was up for discussion!

No ffs... it would have been better if he'd said nothing at all or if he wanted to engage in conversation something about the weather?!

Fruit choices should never be up for discussion, but not sure him being a man is quite as relevant in this scenario. Maybe he would've said the same thing to a male?

@dottypotter weird fake choice there. How about the not yelling strangers option?

Yes its not an either/or. Either he complments your appearance or he insults it? Weird.

A few months ago a male customer complained that I wasn’t smiling. I was actually tidying some stuff up at work and had no interaction with him at all. He was older, and I think that’s relevant as he clearly thought women were there to please him, and he’d not received the update.

I was aghast. He was actually pissed off. I stopped what I was doing and just said “sorry, what? I’m not smiling” by which time my manager jumped in because he could see I was prepared to lose my job over it.

Honestly, I couldn’t *ing believe it.

i once got told to chear up luv. I had just been to the funeral home to discuss my mums service. Great timing.

‘Looking good, love’ is hardly a sexual assault 🙄

At least only have a couple of years left before comments like this start to dry up, OP

how does anyone know how anyone is going to feel when they say something to a stranger.

Exactly! I once said this exact thing on Reddit and got a reply saying "red flags and sirens right here..." Bloody hell.

Best to save the compliments/banter for people you know cause who knows what a stranger is going through or how they'll react. Not sure what anyone gains from random one-off comments to strangers anyway.

Now polite conversation is different. I'm not one of those "no comments from anyone" kinds of people like Reddit would have you believe.

So you think you can control everything that people say to you when your out🙄
Just walk on if you don't want to say thanks it's been a good day and make conversation with another human being on this planet.
Starting all our war with someone because they dared to pay you a compliment and shows you don't know how to handle life.

If you are bi or straight and he was handsome, your total type would you have minded?

He would cease to be my ‘total type’ the moment he yelled ‘looking good’ at me in the street. Gross.

I so wish that, just for one day, I had my today mind and confidence in my teenage body. Some men wouldn't half get told to wind their neck in - and with choice language too.

Other than that, I wouldn't go back to my teenage years for a fortune.

I think I would secretly have been pleased, though I do see both sides. Hate the “cheer up love” and “where the smile” type comments though!

No one is saying it is sexual assault (🙄)

It's just unwanted attention with an appearanced based judgement

So OP is wrong because you think she is trying to control people.

yet you’re here accusing her of starting a war because she dared to object to some random bloke shouting at her - isn’t that you trying to control her reaction?

so women can’t expect to control what men say to them but women are expected to control how they respond?

Never had a random woman approach me this way. However, have had several random men comment on what I'm doing. Reminds me of that character in Harry Enfield in the flat cap who sucks his teeth saying "I don't think you want to do that".

😂exactly God some people really are miserable. No idea how to handle life or ppl

I'm usually fairly intolerant of Random Man comments - however, I'd have been fine with this one. Clearly OP looked happy, man picked up on it & made a pleasant comment.

I don't think OP needs to be thrilled or place great value on the view of this passing man but I personally think there's no harm in a pleasant comment likely linked to OP's good humour.

I don't think everything has to be challenged; however his closing comment of 'stuck up cow' is disgraceful. It seems to be a UK thing - I've never heard anything like this in Ireland (not saying there's not plenty of offensive comments made, just not this one!)