To have reacted as I did to random man?

[surreygirl1987]

Was walking down the road earlier, near my house. Was pretty cheerful - my A Level class has done really well (teacher, results' day), it was sunny, life felt good. I was minding my own business when a man across the road yelled 'looking good, love!' at me.

I know it was intended as a compliment, but I hate this sort of thing - I feel objectified and angry that women are viewed as objects to aesthetically please men. So I stopped, took my sunglasses off, and said 'seriously - what is wrong with some men?' He said 'what are you on about?' and I said I don't appreciate been yelled at and objectified by random strangers when I'm just minding my own business. We went back and forth like this briefly, and he got pretty angry and called me a 'stuck up cow' before storming off.

I know it's not the worst thing in the world he could have done, and he was clearly complimenting me, but am I unreasonable to hate it, and to tell him I don't want that sort of attention? For me it was the equivalent to being wolf-whisted at. What do others think? Was I unfair?

Miserable? So we should cheer up should we? Why. What is wrong with us being pissed off about this?

Since I was very nearly assaulted after calling out some street harassment, I just ignore it and try not to get wound up.

But she didn’t start it… he did.

And you seem to be saying ‘if someone violates your boundaries, stay silent and keep
your head down, in case they get violent’.

Not ok.

He was wrong op.

Sorry this happened. That sucks.

it’s the whole problem though, isn’t it?

some men feeling entitled to force interaction on random women, knowing women risk threats of aggression or being called stuck up cows if they object 😡

Tbh, this is one of those things I'm still trying to work out for myself. I completely get that you can't live your life being so passive that anyone can get away with anything "in case there's violence". No way to live at all.

BUT at the same time - I don't know if it's worth the risk to the extent that someone could seriously end up hurting themselves if they do step up.

It's so hard to know the correct attitude for this (IMO).

I am trying to compliment people more as i think if you think something nice then say it as the person might like to hear it. Even then i wouldnt yell accross the street at someone! (Even though i am likely to notice as i am nosey observant).

Yanbu.

When I was younger and good looking I used to get loads of comments, pretty much on a daily basis. I mostly really hated it but occasionally for some reason I’d feel flattered, not really sure why some were ok and some weren’t. I thank god I don’t get any comments nowadays and love being invisible. If I did get something (highly unlikely) I would just pretend I didn’t hear it and carry on.

These kind of threads are getting so boring.

Men can't breathe these days without bring called every name under the sun

YANBU. ow you look is not his business and is certainly not for him to make comments about.

Well done for putting your foot down, OP.

I usually shout 'Go fuck yourself'. When it used to happen to me when I was a bit younger I'd shout 'I'm fifteen!! as loud as I could and would make sure other people were around which would make the guy run away. Can't get away with this now but I'm glad I used to do it as it shut them up and stopped them feeling cocky. It's not a man's to make comments on your appearance. I'm sure some people like this happening to them and that's absolutely fine. For me it makes me feel really vulnerable and objectified

it was a harmless compliment.

I just don't agree. I'm sorry you can't see that it is not harmless, not a compliment.

Even if the man isn't objectifying you (ha ha), he's still insisting on taking up your time and energy. It's just another way if imposing himself on you.

I'm no spring chicken and I get this all the time when I'm running and it's exhausting. Why should I have to choose to respond or rise above it?

Well done for having the balls to stand up to him.

They are more than welcome to breath. Just not force themselves into my space/time/consciousness.

He had absolutely no need to interrupt the OP from what they were doing. No excuse whatsoever.

Well done for calling it out

Oh, poor men. If only women would just consider male feelings, and put up with assaults, harassment and cat calling on a daily basis.

Behave yourself and do as men require!

No, she'd rather he'd said nothing at all!! Why does he have to comment either way? We don't care what random man thinks about us and we'd prefer not to hear his unsolicited opinion, what on earth is odd about that?

Goodness, it's ridiculous isn't it. And the comeback is always stuck up! I've been called a stuck up bitch by men more times that I could possibly count, but not even once by a woman 🤔

I've been called a stuck up bitch by men more times that I could possibly count,

That's awful. I've never experienced this. We have arseholes in Ireland for sure but from reading threads here, I feel there may be less of the sexist abuse eg 'stuck up cow / bitch'

Non-scientific view, admittedly!

I am straight. My type is men who don't yell at random women across the street.

This.

Also very much this:

Its the arrogance of the assumption that somehow the approval of a random man will make my day. I'm just minding my own business and suddenly I'm made aware a stranger has been appraising my fuckability and thought I'd appreciate them sharing their conclusions.

Random men please shut up, fuck off and leave me alone. I do not care or want to know what you think of my appearance.

Excellently summed up.

It would brighten my day to get a comment like this.

Yes your reply was odd. He was just being friendly and complementing you.
Would you rather he had shouted out you ugly cow, or your looking ugly today??
Some people

Ummm no. She'd rather he'd stfu. Why does he think his opinion about her appearance would be welcomed?

As a man I am sorry. But I am 53 and grew up watching classic Hollywood films saying grab the girl and kiss her. !most man except no. But it's difficult to let someone know you like them

Women have had enough, and rightly so. Nothing boring about that for me and the more of these threads (and sunlight in general) there is, the more the idea seeps through that this shit is not acceptable to a huge number of women and the more chance we have of societal change.

Even if it doesn't bother you, do you not have empathy with those women it does bother? No one loses if men stop objectifying women, men won't die from not being able to comment on our appearance and I doubt even those women who 'don't mind' will miss it so surely it's a good thing?