To have reacted as I did to random man?

[surreygirl1987]

Was walking down the road earlier, near my house. Was pretty cheerful - my A Level class has done really well (teacher, results' day), it was sunny, life felt good. I was minding my own business when a man across the road yelled 'looking good, love!' at me.

I know it was intended as a compliment, but I hate this sort of thing - I feel objectified and angry that women are viewed as objects to aesthetically please men. So I stopped, took my sunglasses off, and said 'seriously - what is wrong with some men?' He said 'what are you on about?' and I said I don't appreciate been yelled at and objectified by random strangers when I'm just minding my own business. We went back and forth like this briefly, and he got pretty angry and called me a 'stuck up cow' before storming off.

I know it's not the worst thing in the world he could have done, and he was clearly complimenting me, but am I unreasonable to hate it, and to tell him I don't want that sort of attention? For me it was the equivalent to being wolf-whisted at. What do others think? Was I unfair?

Id have probably gone with sarcasm rather than mouthing off at him. An over the top deep bow and "I'm soooo glad my appearance today is pleasing to you dear sir, that was exactly my intention when I left the house this morning." All said with a delightfully charming smile so he couldn't call me a stuck up cow. But then I like to belittle twat men in a way that flusters them and they're not quick enough to say shit back

Let's hope it wasn't A level English "I said I don't appreciate been yelled at and objectified by random strangers"

Good point. Also what if a woman says you look nice today to her?

What do others think? That random man was a selfish, misogynistic, boring git. Was I unfair? Not in the least.

What random man did wasn't banter, it wasn't harmless, and it wasn't friendly or complimentary. It was unwanted intrusion into surreygirl's life that he had no business saying out loud.

Women are not handmaids or chattel to be judged and commented upon, as some random bastard git's assessment means fuck all to an unknown woman. Their words aren't welcome or wanted, and they can GTF and back again.

So disappointing to see the responses here from women who excuse such miserable behaviour.

But just yesterday there was a poster talking about how a man in Tesco told her she was looking gorgeous and plenty replies saying she should go back at the same time to try and get his number and to make sure she looks as good as she did etc etc. So at what point is one acceptable and the other isn't?

If certain women are attracted to a random man who comes up and pinches her bum, does that mean it's acceptable for men to generally do this? No. Men shouldn't assume women they don't know are appreciative of their attention.

No it isn't OK to do this. I would hate it too, but equally I wouldn't get involved with debate with neanderthals like this guy. They're not worth ANY time or attention.

YANBU. I used to get told to smile/cheer up a lot when I was younger - I suffered with moderate-severe untreated depression for years and it made me feel really exposed and conspicuous.

YANBU

why make any comment why do these men think we want to hear their opinion regardless of it’s your looking good or smile love

what I have found is that I get less so called compliments and more male aggression as I get older like it’s inconvenient for me to be around

good on you for calling the idiot out

It would have made my day... I love a compliment! I really can't see what the harm is? Surely it's a positive comment. Why be so ragey? It would have put a huge smile on my face :-)

👌🏻

He was out of order but of course he would get defensive & grumpy if challenged. This was predictable. Are you prepared to have an upsetting encounter every time you challenge?

I think it proves that you can never know your audience in circumstances like this. There is a presumption by some that it's ok and that it will be taken as a compliment, that people don't mind etc but surprisingly some women find this a huge turn-off and sexist. You just dont know what side of the fence they're on and yet they don't stop to think, they mean well, mean no harm so that's all that matters and they seem to have a complete disregard for the fact that not everyone wants this attention.
I think it's thinking and knowing your audience before you open your mouth situation rather than spouting out what you think someone wants to hear without knowing them at all and then being surprised that you got it wrong.

Hope this makes sense.......

Because women don't exist to have their appearances appraised by random men in the street?

It can also be intimidating, especially for younger women, so we shouldn't encourage it by passing it off as just a compliment.

Urgh, they never say this stuff to other men do they?

When I used to run, I'd often get shouted at and my favourite thing was to run back and ask them to repeat it. I'd obviously only do it during daylight and when other people were around but I got sick to death of blokes thinking it was ok to yell "nice arse" at me. They could never say it face to face with a sweaty, clearly irate woman right in front of them.

Wouldn't have thought twice about it tbh. I think people are so over the top about this sort of thing.
I know I'll get flamed for that but it was just a stupid throwaway comment. And you were lucky he just called you a name, he could have turned violent.

Astonishing how some men feel so entitled and others just don't see how uncomfortable it is... Here's a recent one from when I was walking past a construction site with my guitar in its case and a bloke shouts out: 'looks heavy love, the flute would suit you better!' Granted it's a bit more creative than other instances but still...
I'm in my 40s btw!

Oh dear. So many things about the progress women are trying to make in the 21st century have just sailed right by you, haven’t they? 🤦‍♀️

I don't think it's intimidating. He was on the other side of the road and made one comment, which wasn't harmful in any way. It was clearly intended as a compliment and nothing more. I think it's a sad state of affairs when everything is twisted and everyone has to tiptoe around for fear of offending someone. It wasn't a sexual comment and it wasn't rude - there was no suggestion that the guy wanted anything more. I honestly think the world has gone mad when a compliment is seen as a cardinal sin and the person is flamed. It would have been easy to ignore by just walking on - I don't understand the OP's reaction at all...

My daughter has been getting these type of comments to since she was 12 (and usually in school uniform). Do you think these men are making the same comments to 12yr old boys? Are they just being friendly? Erm, no.
The other day I stopped to tie my shoelace and random guy pipes up " I love to see a women on her knees" wtf, I had my headphones in, so pretended not to hear because I knew retaliation would meet with nastiness. And that's the thing that shows how skewed it is, staying quiet and accepting this behaviour because you fear the response.

Thank you OP. That is one man who will think twice before harassing random women in future. You've done a good thing.

I'm 30's also with a 'baby pouch' to be honest. I'd have laughed it off. It would have given me a little confidence boost actually.
If he'd have shouted 'you fat cow' I'd have probably reacted as you did.
Everyone is different I suppose 🤷🏼‍♀️
IMO I don't see anything he said as derogatory or offensive , sounds like he was paying you a compliment.
It is interesting to see how different people perceive things differently...

This

It wouldn’t have bothered me at all.

You're 35.

In the next couple of years this won't be a problem for you.

Because it's not genuine, it's sexist, inappropriate, designed to minimize women as objects for male admiration.