Is my wife BU or am I?

[lidocaine]

We are going away on Saturday and needed the rooftop bag for the car to put everyone's luggage in as the car will be full. She's been asking me for a few weeks to find it as we both thought it was in the loft and she didn't want it left to the last minute. I looked in the loft yesterday and couldn't find it. She said we would need to buy a new one pretty urgently if it couldn't be found and she looked around downstairs (we have a few Kallax units) and said she couldn't find it. I didn't want to spend money on it and she mentioned that she wasn't going to sort the kids clothes and things out until we had found it, because she didn't know what she was going to be packing them into. So I decided to go back into the loft and look for it while she nipped out to get some fish and chips. I couldn't find it and so I looked around again downstairs and there it was, on the top of the tall freezer. So now I'm pissed off because I had to go through the loft for hours to find something that was already downstairs and accessible. I've made it clear I was pissed off and highlighted all the looking I had done and my wife said "So, you didn't see it there yourself before this?" Implying that it wasn't obvious or that she's not got any blame on her for not looking better for it. I can't remember but admittedly I probably put it up there, but she must have walked past it so many times, it's probably been there for a about a year. I'm pissed off and I think she thinks I'm being unreasonable to have a bit of a go at her because of it. But I had to go repeatedly into the loft to find something that was already down here so I think I'm justified in being pissed off and thinking she could have looked a bit harder and found it and I wouldn't have had to do that!

But why don’t you know this?
why does she have to ask you for weeks to look for the roof bag?
why does she have to keep on at you to tidy up?

do you have zero initiative or are you just happy for her to carry the mental load in your marriage?

Is it only me that would be really pleased it was found and no more time has to be wasted looking for it or money spent on a new one? You sound petty, you're off on holiday start enjoying the build up.

Are you taking the piss? You’ve learnt nothing from this thread. Your poor wife.

Some posters said that their dads were * always looking to put blame on someone, well so was mine. He still does and I don't think I am like that.*

Read your posts back and tell us again you're not like him.

Your anger is directed to the wrong place. Plain and simple. It’s no one’s ‘fault’ but you were the one who admittedly said it was likely to be you that placed it where you found it eventually. It’s a bit annoying, but why are you trying to place the blame on your wife? Why does there always have to be someone to blame. This is an “oh, FFS! As if it was up there all along” 🤦🏻‍♀️ situation, and then get on with your day. I don’t get the drama and need to finger point. It’s childish and unnecessary.

You think this makes you sound better? Cop on.

@lidocaine You make me so glad I live alone.

Stop being such a nob . You have eyes too.

If the bag was on top of the freezer, was it in the kitchen? Because maybe that’s why he thinks she should have known it was there. Cos obviously the kitchen is the Woman Zone. So it being in there makes it wholly her problem. Yes?

If the bag was on top of the freezer, was it in the kitchen? Because maybe that’s why he thinks she should have known it was there. Cos obviously the kitchen is the Woman Zone. So it being in there makes it wholly her problem. Yes?

This is exactly what I thought too.

I love this. I am the ‘Looker’ in the house, DH can’t see something unless it’s dead centre to his line of vision, unless it’s something directly related to him, he can’t see it.
‘Can’t find the sauce Thinking’
me. ‘It’s there, just move stuff around a bit’
Him ‘ Hmmm you’ve hidden it behind the vinegar’
Me ‘Of course I did, just to piss you off’
I’ve got this theory that men look but don’t see.
In the garage he’s the Looker, I have no idea what a shifting spanner looks like or what size screwdriver is needed never mind where to find it in the Aladdin’s cave we call the garage, yet he knows precisely where everything is.

Probably already been posted but..

"If a man says he'll do something, he'll do it..

No need to remind him every six months about it"

Yes - but have you apologised to your wife yet?

This is why your wife looks sad. You will put it all down to something, anything that means you don't need to understand or bother at all about being more engaged or feel equally responsible for making family life a genuine partnership.

Emotional labour; she does it all, you are oblivious

https://zehta.me/2015/10/emotional-labor/EmotionalLaborr-TheeMetaFilterThreadd_Condensed.pdf

My advice.... don't go on holiday.

A rooftop bag on top of a freezer for a year. Sounds like you need to sort things out!