Is my wife BU or am I?

[lidocaine]

We are going away on Saturday and needed the rooftop bag for the car to put everyone's luggage in as the car will be full. She's been asking me for a few weeks to find it as we both thought it was in the loft and she didn't want it left to the last minute. I looked in the loft yesterday and couldn't find it. She said we would need to buy a new one pretty urgently if it couldn't be found and she looked around downstairs (we have a few Kallax units) and said she couldn't find it. I didn't want to spend money on it and she mentioned that she wasn't going to sort the kids clothes and things out until we had found it, because she didn't know what she was going to be packing them into. So I decided to go back into the loft and look for it while she nipped out to get some fish and chips. I couldn't find it and so I looked around again downstairs and there it was, on the top of the tall freezer. So now I'm pissed off because I had to go through the loft for hours to find something that was already downstairs and accessible. I've made it clear I was pissed off and highlighted all the looking I had done and my wife said "So, you didn't see it there yourself before this?" Implying that it wasn't obvious or that she's not got any blame on her for not looking better for it. I can't remember but admittedly I probably put it up there, but she must have walked past it so many times, it's probably been there for a about a year. I'm pissed off and I think she thinks I'm being unreasonable to have a bit of a go at her because of it. But I had to go repeatedly into the loft to find something that was already down here so I think I'm justified in being pissed off and thinking she could have looked a bit harder and found it and I wouldn't have had to do that!

“she’s always on at people to tidy things and clear up”, so she’s got the mental load of that AND finding the box to deal with? No wonder she looks sad.

YABU. You both forgot where it was. Its nobody's fault. Its found. You can now pack. Mental note to remember where you put it for next time. Drama over.

When other people have got more serious things to think about, you are very unreasonable to start a thread about something so fucking trivial. I wish all I had to worry about was a misplaced bag.

Think yourself lucky you are actually going on holiday and have a wife to go on holiday with.

Reverse?

This is either a reverse or you’re a bit of a prat. She asked you to sort it out so not her fault that you searched for ages in the wrong place. She’s sorting out all the kids stuff and that was your job.

If it was that east to find, why didn't you find it?

You had one job!

This isn't really about the bag, is it? No one would get this wound up about their partner not seeing a bag that they didn't see either unless there were bigger problems in the relationship. Either that or this is a reverse which is just tedious and annoying.

I hope this is not true, and I say that because I can't really understand a grown up being as "pissed off" as you claim to be. If however, it is, you are well and truly a total and utter prat. Given you have expressed how "pissed off" you are to your wife, you are also not a very nice prat.

This falls into the life's too short territory. Get over it and get on with your holiday.

If it was so easy to find why didn't you find it?

He's not coming back is he?

I feel really sorry for your wife being married to such a cruel bellend. She delighted one job to you (I doubt you are the one sorting out the laundry and buying sun cream and making sure the fridge is clean). You were in the best position to do it well as you put the suitcase away. You made a pigs ear out of it and are now blaming her. You’re an absolute delight. Your wife is going around looking sad because she’s doing everything and you’re just picking on her and blaming her for the one job she asked you to do. Congrats on being an utter arse.

Blatantly a reverse. No one would admit to being that awful.

But she must have walked past it so many times, it's probably been there for a about a year

And how many times have you walked past it?

*Dedicated not delighted obviously

You made it clear you were pissed off.

I’ll bet you did.

Your wife is going about with a sad face.

I’ll bet she is.

I’ll also bet you make your feelings known quite a bit.

He's gone off to find his tail that's dissapeared deep deep between his legs

Be kind, OP.

Cool story.

@MyHusbandIsaRightTwatButILoveHim
He may be some time 😂

YABU - You put it somewhere and forget where you'd put it, which happens. But you both thought it was in the loft and both of you presumably walk past it regularly so I don't see how she's more to blame than you are. It's a pretty trivial thing to be annoyed at her about and not worth causing a bad feeling over before your holiday.

So...

You decided to go back into the loft while your wife was out getting food. No one made you do that, that was your choice and now you're feeling cross at yourself because it was downstairs the whole time. You don't like feeling cross at yourself and want to apportion blame on your wife.

Your wife asked you to sort this out and not leave it till the last minute. You left it to the last minute.

Your wife is doing all the packing. You think she also should be reponsible for the mental load of remembering where things are, even though neither of you could remember where it was, it's still apparently her fault.

You think she could be to blame because she wants everything tidy. Is that just her job then too? Do you not tidy?

No wonder she's sad.

Also can I ask why you put the suitcases in the loft but the roof bag on top of the freezer? 😂

I can't remember but admittedly I probably put it up there

Come on OP
If this isn’t a reverse, apologise to your wife.
And it’s a dumb ass place to store a roof top bag.