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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is my wife BU or am I?

217 replies

lidocaine · 18/08/2022 18:14

We are going away on Saturday and needed the rooftop bag for the car to put everyone's luggage in as the car will be full. She's been asking me for a few weeks to find it as we both thought it was in the loft and she didn't want it left to the last minute. I looked in the loft yesterday and couldn't find it. She said we would need to buy a new one pretty urgently if it couldn't be found and she looked around downstairs (we have a few Kallax units) and said she couldn't find it. I didn't want to spend money on it and she mentioned that she wasn't going to sort the kids clothes and things out until we had found it, because she didn't know what she was going to be packing them into. So I decided to go back into the loft and look for it while she nipped out to get some fish and chips. I couldn't find it and so I looked around again downstairs and there it was, on the top of the tall freezer. So now I'm pissed off because I had to go through the loft for hours to find something that was already downstairs and accessible. I've made it clear I was pissed off and highlighted all the looking I had done and my wife said "So, you didn't see it there yourself before this?" Implying that it wasn't obvious or that she's not got any blame on her for not looking better for it. I can't remember but admittedly I probably put it up there, but she must have walked past it so many times, it's probably been there for a about a year. I'm pissed off and I think she thinks I'm being unreasonable to have a bit of a go at her because of it. But I had to go repeatedly into the loft to find something that was already down here so I think I'm justified in being pissed off and thinking she could have looked a bit harder and found it and I wouldn't have had to do that!

OP posts:
SheeWeee · 18/08/2022 18:30

lidocaine · 18/08/2022 18:21

It just feels irritating because she's been asking for weeks for me to find this and it was somewhere I didn't have to put loads of effort into searching. She says she didn't see it there at all

Show quote history

She's been asking yuo for weeks to find it. You didn't find it. And now you're whining that when you finally moved your arse to look for it it wasn't in the first place you found it?

Are you al;ways this much of a twat?

Original poster
lidocaine · 18/08/2022 18:31

Just to clarify, we aren't having an argument. I've expressed how pissed off I am and had a bit of a go about it, not even that much really but said I was pissed of because it was easy to find and I was right about thinking it wasn't in the loft. She is just walking around with a sad look on her face and not really speaking much to me

OP posts:
SheeWeee · 18/08/2022 18:31

wasn't in the first place you looked for it, tha should say

WTF475878237NC · 18/08/2022 18:31

She asked you to find it weeks ago. Why didn't you walk round the house before going in the loft? This is all on you.

FictionalCharacter · 18/08/2022 18:33

Mischance · 18/08/2022 18:22

I used to say to my OH when something went wrong that finding someone to blame was not a necessity.

Wise words!
You’re both BU if you’re blaming each other. Either of you could have spotted it there.

AelinoftheWildfire · 18/08/2022 18:33

This has got to be a reverse surely?

EL8888 · 18/08/2022 18:33

@BringBackCoffeeCreams quite. My fiancé had the sense to not pull these stunts as he would get lots of grief!

YABU. Is this a reverse as OP sounds rather unreasonable?

Penguinfeather781 · 18/08/2022 18:33

It’s possible for something to be really annoying, not your fault, and not hers either. Yes, she could have looked harder before involving you - but be honest, how much other holiday prep have you done? Sounds like silly marital bickering and you should go and apologise and make up instead of putting a downer on your holiday.

MyHusbandIsaRightTwatButILoveHim · 18/08/2022 18:33

Not only have you got one eye on the end of your penis, you have two on your face, might be an idea to use the ones on your face a bit better and stop trying to shift the blame
You've found it
Move on

LittleBearPad · 18/08/2022 18:34

Having a go is unfair. She didn’t hide it and you forgot where it was at least as much (or more)

Packing is stressful - don’t make too much of this.

MyHusbandIsaRightTwatButILoveHim · 18/08/2022 18:35

She's walking around with a sad look and not talking much

Maybe she doesn't want to go on holiday

GoldenGorilla · 18/08/2022 18:35

Do you know, scientists have actually been researching this kind of problem where something is lost but in plain sight.

After years of extensive study, interviewing people, reviewing cctv of families looking for things, using electronic tagging of items to keep track of them etc, they have realised that actually women’s vaginas do not contain a detailed database keeping track of where every household item is at all time. Shocking I know.

But since it turns out that women don’t have special skills or responsibility for finding things, maybe you could acknowledge that this stress and waste of time is equally your fault, apologise to your wife and then get on with packing for your holiday.

feathermucker · 18/08/2022 18:35

I call reverse

luxxlisbon · 18/08/2022 18:35

we both thought it was in the loft

So you both thought it was in the loft, you both missed it being on top of the freezer while looking for it for weeks but this is all your wife’s fault so you are angry at her? Is that right?

Cognacsoft · 18/08/2022 18:36

I feel for your wife.
My dh frequently forgets where he's put something and i have to listen to him ranting. Your wife looks sad because you've probably made her feel anxious.
Just own your frustration and stop projecting.
It's horrible.

JustALittleHelpPlease · 18/08/2022 18:37

So you're pissed off because you couldn't find it and somehow you've made it her fault you didn't see it the hundreds of times you walked past - and forgot that you possibly put it there?

Got to be a reverse.

BreatheAndFocus · 18/08/2022 18:37

lidocaine · 18/08/2022 18:21

Well, i couldn't remember putting it in the loft and I said I didn't remember putting it up there and I was right.

Show quote history

Yes, you were right but if you didn’t think it was in the loft, you could have looked elsewhere. In your OP, you said you both thought it was in the loft.

It sounds to me like you’re annoyed and taking that out on your wife. It’s frustrating but you’ve found it now so relax - and don’t take out your irritation on your wife.

friendsaddict87 · 18/08/2022 18:38

Had you listened to her suggestion of looking for it before a few days pre trip then I'm sure even if this situation happened exactly like this, both of you would have been less stressed as it wouldn't be last minute.

Why do men do this.

pictish · 18/08/2022 18:39

So you didn’t know where it was, you had probably stored it where you eventually spotted, you walked past it time and again yourself…but it’s your wife’s fault you spent ages looking in the attic?
In the simplest terms, get fucked.

RaginaPhalange · 18/08/2022 18:39

Yabu. You also didn't see it there and probably walked by it lots of times

grossnessewwww · 18/08/2022 18:40

You sound like a mean bully. You put it on the freezer and then spent ages l

Abitofalark · 18/08/2022 18:40

Is this made up? I mean it is so obviously ridiculous to hold on to being annoyed about something so minor and mundane that has resolved itself and is over and done with. A sense of proportion and perspective is needed.

Give up the annoyance and temper and forget it. No matter who did what or forgot what, it doesn't matter! It's nothing. A moment in time that's past doesn't exist any more. Order has been restored. All's well that ends well. Life can be enjoyed again and continue undisturbed by that past moment.

And on the subject of minor annoyances, I won't let it spoil my life or even my evening but paragraph breaks would be nice.

Azandme · 18/08/2022 18:40

lidocaine · 18/08/2022 18:31

Just to clarify, we aren't having an argument. I've expressed how pissed off I am and had a bit of a go about it, not even that much really but said I was pissed of because it was easy to find and I was right about thinking it wasn't in the loft. She is just walking around with a sad look on her face and not really speaking much to me

She looks like that because she's realised she's married to a petty manchild who clearly expects her to do the remembering for him, and gets petulant when she doesn't.

Grow up fgs. Every post is more embarrassing!

grossnessewwww · 18/08/2022 18:41

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

SuperCamp · 18/08/2022 18:41

lidocaine · 18/08/2022 18:31

Just to clarify, we aren't having an argument. I've expressed how pissed off I am and had a bit of a go about it, not even that much really but said I was pissed of because it was easy to find and I was right about thinking it wasn't in the loft. She is just walking around with a sad look on her face and not really speaking much to me

That’s because you were being a complete knob in having a go at her.

Grow up, shrug at ‘Sod’s law’ or whatever, apologise for having a go, and enjoy your fish and chips.