Sister threw DS out of the photo

[HellMc]

My DS (10) has always pulled silly faces in photos, he’s done it since he was a toddler. We tried getting him to stop but it’s like he can’t help himself so we just got on with it. We assumed if we didn’t make a fuss out of it he’s grow out of it but he didn’t. All of his school photos have silly faces etc and now we just laugh. The only photos we have of him not doing a silly face are the natural ones he didn’t know we were taking.

Anyway yesterday me, DS, sister, her kids and my other sisters son went on a day out a national heritage site. Sister wanted a group photo of all the kids so they all stood together in front of the ruins. Sister then said to DS “either stop pulling faces or stand over there out of the photo” 😱 it came as a shock as everyone was laughing at him initially and then she suddenly got mad. I told her I thought she was being a bit harsh and she said “sorry but I’ve been trying to take a nice photo of them all all day for mum and he’s ruined every one so far”.

I told DS to just this once not pull a face but he continued doing so so sister told him to get out of shot. She then took the photo of the other kids and said “there, finally mum will have a photo for her wall”.

so I said mum would want all the kids together so she said “actually, mum told me to take the pic without your ds if he insisted on pulling a face, she was annoyed with the last lot of photos I took her because he’d ruined them all.

I feel hurt, not just about my sister but also what my mum (his grandma!) has clearly been saying!!

AIBu to feel hurt at DS being excluded from a family photo that is destined for my mums wall??

Severely apologetic? What would you do if you had a child who hurt someone else or broke something - commit harakiri?

You need to get some perspective.

Every one came back silly so I promised him a toy if the next set came out properly. He still pulled silly faces - DH ended up losing his shit and really shouted at him in the middle of Asda saying there will be no treats, no toys etc and if the next set of photos came out “stupid” there would be no holiday for him either and he would be staying with his grandmother.

You have two extremes. Bribery from you that doesn’t work and abusive shouting from your DH that also doesn’t work. It sounds like you have a lovely generally obedient child but because of it lack the parenting tools to manage when he misbehaves. Most of us have a lot of practice in managing misbehaving children so you’re getting a bashing on here for not having the basic parenting tools that involve simple consequences. The exact thing your sister did in the photo situation which is totally fine and normal and not something to get hurt over. Unfortunately letting your DS continually misbehave over something does him no favours at all and puts him in a position of ridicule which is very hurtful.

Sorry, that’s possibly the funniest thing I’ve ever read on Mumsnet. It must be the way you tell ‘em.
I can see it’s difficult.

It won't have done any harm, there'll be other chances to take photos and now he knows that it's immature and annoying and he has a choice in how he behaves. I'm with your mum and sister here.

Your child is attention seeking,you are THAT parent. And how can I find the dancing girl thread?

www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4604795-did-dd-deserve-to-be-told-off?page=2
@Yogachick here, it did teach me the new word of 'clarting'!

I agree with your sister. I think he’s old enough to behave in a way that isn’t selfish .

www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4393464-Friends-DD-threw-my-daughter-to-the-ground

it’s amazing

I saw a photographer post a tip once of everyone in the photo has to pull funny faces until a count of 5, then smile. You get some funny run up phootos, and then hopefully more natural smile on 5 as you laugh at each other

Oh my gosh is there another one
im so excited!!!

@djdkdkddkek oooo and now am off to read yours!!

Agree OP. Your child should not be called these names.

But he continues to behave this way your DH and you have allowed it.

You are to blame.

People are clearly fed up with this. Is everyone else being UR, or do you maybe think the problem lies with you, and consequently him.

He needs to grow up and accept the consequences if he can’t stand normally with at the very least a neutral expression, god forbid, a smile.

This thread is extremely long so I've only read the OPs posts.

OP you are to blame for this 100%.

I thought the dancing girl thread was this one? What a throwback!

Friends DD threw my daughter to the ground

Some very indulgent mums on here!

hes 10!

sometimes in life you’ve just got to confirm. It’s about time he realised that

I bet they’re the same kid!!

Maybe he's anxious about having his photo taken and it's his way of coping. I know you say no additional needs but are any suspected but not diagnosed, such as autism? Got me thinking when you said he doesn't know how to act for photos.

The one I was talking about was the other one. But they both demonstrate how important it is to teach children some awareness before they end up being really annoying and reluctant to change their behaviour.

I remember that one. The Mumsnet obsession with being "attention seeking" was more outraged by that than a child being pushed over into a muddy puddle. Several snitty comments about how the nine year old child clearly wasn't Natalia Osipova, too.

I agree.
There is nothing quirky or individualistic about a child constantly making faces in photographs. It's the kind of thing most children will do until it's checked. A neo typical child who keeps doing it just hasn't been told clearly enough to cut it out. At 10 he should have got this message load and clear.
Yes lark around a bit with your mates, but when you're told a proper photo is being taken now and you need to just smile, most 10 year olds would just do it. A child who doesn't isn't some kind of speschul free spirited maverick.

I know exactly what you comment you mean because I actually “lol’d” when I read it

If I remember it correctly the child was deliberately dancing up in the other child's face after she'd been asked to stop. Other child pushed her away and because the dancing child was balancing on one leg she fell over into a puddle. The girls were 9.

I think he gets nervous about how to act in photos.

Or enjoys being the centre of attention with his childish gurning?
Sounds as if you are encouraging hom to behave the way he does

Your child clearly isn't doing this just because he thinks it funny, otherwise he would have stopped for the passport photos. I suspect you're right that it's some sort of anxious reaction. Can you talk to him about thinking about something else to distract him from the fact that it's a photo?

Obviously it’s never ok to call a 10yo insulting names and those doing so should be ashamed of themselves:

however; yes you/your son are in the wrong here OP @HellMc as long as there are no AN involved you’ve not yet mentioned then 10yo is old enough to know he can’t just pull ridiculous faces on every picture and expect to still be included. Defending this as ‘he’s always done it’ sort of smacks of enabling him and a bit of ‘my child can be their own unique unicorn regardless of how it impacts others’ entitlement. The older he gets the more people are going to stop laughing or finding it ‘quirky’ and will start getting annoyed.
Having read your posts you don’t really seem to acknowledge that you came on here to ask if YWBU and have very clearly been told that YES YABU, instead you seem quite annoyed and angry that people haven’t simply validated your sons behaviour and your parenting choices.

May I suggest moving forward that you only being topics to AIBU if you are genuinely asking and willing to accept YABU if the vast majority tell you so. If you are simply determined that YANBU then why even pose the question?