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AIBU?

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Original poster

Sister threw DS out of the photo

1000 replies

HellMc · 18/08/2022 15:03

My DS (10) has always pulled silly faces in photos, he’s done it since he was a toddler. We tried getting him to stop but it’s like he can’t help himself so we just got on with it. We assumed if we didn’t make a fuss out of it he’s grow out of it but he didn’t. All of his school photos have silly faces etc and now we just laugh. The only photos we have of him not doing a silly face are the natural ones he didn’t know we were taking.

Anyway yesterday me, DS, sister, her kids and my other sisters son went on a day out a national heritage site. Sister wanted a group photo of all the kids so they all stood together in front of the ruins. Sister then said to DS “either stop pulling faces or stand over there out of the photo” 😱 it came as a shock as everyone was laughing at him initially and then she suddenly got mad. I told her I thought she was being a bit harsh and she said “sorry but I’ve been trying to take a nice photo of them all all day for mum and he’s ruined every one so far”.

I told DS to just this once not pull a face but he continued doing so so sister told him to get out of shot. She then took the photo of the other kids and said “there, finally mum will have a photo for her wall”.

so I said mum would want all the kids together so she said “actually, mum told me to take the pic without your ds if he insisted on pulling a face, she was annoyed with the last lot of photos I took her because he’d ruined them all.

I feel hurt, not just about my sister but also what my mum (his grandma!) has clearly been saying!!

AIBu to feel hurt at DS being excluded from a family photo that is destined for my mums wall??

OP posts:
Derbee · 18/08/2022 15:11

Unless we’re about to get a massive drip feed about SEN etc….

Just teach your child to behave, and show some respect for people. He’s old enough to learn how to behave. Good for your sister

LadyEloise1 · 18/08/2022 15:11

Actions have consequences.
Sadly he's not in a nice group photo of a family outing because he couldn't behave.
His choice.
Tell him.

WTF475878237NC · 18/08/2022 15:11

Natural consequences for poor behaviour. It's not actually that funny to have photos of treasured events ruined by someone old enough to stop.

Original poster
HellMc · 18/08/2022 15:11

I think he gets nervous about how to act in photos. No additional needs. He’s a very sweet boy, never in trouble at school and he doesn’t act up any other time, it’s just in photos.

OP posts:
TiddleyWink · 18/08/2022 15:11

Age ten?! Your sister did the right thing and I’m surprised it’s taken this long! If he physically can’t control himself it’s very surprising this isn’t manifesting in other areas of his life. It’s almost as if he does, in fact, have control and is just choosing to do what he has been expressly asked not to 🙄

ludocris · 18/08/2022 15:11

Oh FFS, he's a child. YANBU at all.

Miffycat14 · 18/08/2022 15:11

It sounds really irritating, well done to your sister for addressing it as it sounds like you don't.

steff13 · 18/08/2022 15:11

You choose the behavior, you choose the consequences.

twoshedsjackson · 18/08/2022 15:11

I'm surprised he's got as far as 10 years old without this happening before; he just expects people to laugh indulgently, I guess. He clearly ignores you asking him not to.
Check with you DM; perhaps she did specifically ask for a gurning-free snap. What she has on her walls is up to her.
If he's 10, I guess secondary transfer will be looming up in the next year; does he expect his ID photo for high school to be similarly "hilarious"?

Johnnysgirl · 18/08/2022 15:12

HellMc · 18/08/2022 15:03

My DS (10) has always pulled silly faces in photos, he’s done it since he was a toddler. We tried getting him to stop but it’s like he can’t help himself so we just got on with it. We assumed if we didn’t make a fuss out of it he’s grow out of it but he didn’t. All of his school photos have silly faces etc and now we just laugh. The only photos we have of him not doing a silly face are the natural ones he didn’t know we were taking.

Anyway yesterday me, DS, sister, her kids and my other sisters son went on a day out a national heritage site. Sister wanted a group photo of all the kids so they all stood together in front of the ruins. Sister then said to DS “either stop pulling faces or stand over there out of the photo” 😱 it came as a shock as everyone was laughing at him initially and then she suddenly got mad. I told her I thought she was being a bit harsh and she said “sorry but I’ve been trying to take a nice photo of them all all day for mum and he’s ruined every one so far”.

I told DS to just this once not pull a face but he continued doing so so sister told him to get out of shot. She then took the photo of the other kids and said “there, finally mum will have a photo for her wall”.

so I said mum would want all the kids together so she said “actually, mum told me to take the pic without your ds if he insisted on pulling a face, she was annoyed with the last lot of photos I took her because he’d ruined them all.

I feel hurt, not just about my sister but also what my mum (his grandma!) has clearly been saying!!

AIBu to feel hurt at DS being excluded from a family photo that is destined for my mums wall??

Nobody wants your ds captured in their photos acting the arse.
Nobody but you finds it entertaining.
Why is this such a shock to you?

All of his school photos have silly faces etc and now we just laugh
Time you stopped laughing.

LilianLenton · 18/08/2022 15:12

Natural consequences. You all need to stop laughing when he does this. It's not funny, it's disruptive & disrespectful.

DifficultBloodyWoman · 18/08/2022 15:12

DN used to do this. Problem solved by saying ‘everyone do a silly face, everyone do a serious face, ok, everyone do a silly face, and now everyone do a nice smile’.

It was the only way to get a decent photo until DN turned 10.

LondonWolf · 18/08/2022 15:12

My own child has form for this and it annoys the fuck out of me after the first couple of times...they know when to stop though (mum glare)

I don't blame your sister.

IncompleteSenten · 18/08/2022 15:13

If he's nervous then you'd think he'd not want to pull faces if it pisses people off

Wouldn't knowing someone is cross about it make him nervous?

LadyEloise1 · 18/08/2022 15:13

"*.....he gets nervous about how to act in photos......"
*
Really 😮
Just stand there and smile.

Jellybean23 · 18/08/2022 15:13

I agree with your mother and sister. He's being a pain and they don't want a permanent reminder of it. Even the funniest thing in the world isn't funny when you've seen it umpteen times. He's probably embarrassed now and will cover it up by pretending he doesn't care.

bloodywhitecat · 18/08/2022 15:13

At 10 he's old enough to understand the requirements of the photographer, he was warned and continued to do it so he was asked to leave the photograph. Seems reasonable to me.

namechange30455 · 18/08/2022 15:13

Why on earth have you not done this before? Sorry but he sounds incredibly annoying, and tbh that's on you as a parent.

LilianLenton · 18/08/2022 15:14

I'd have told him what we tell DD (also 10). You choose the behaviour, you choose the consequences.

thinkfast · 18/08/2022 15:14

If you think it's nerves have you tried helping him practice a nice emailing face to make for a photo?

Youcancallmeirrelevant · 18/08/2022 15:14

HellMc · 18/08/2022 15:11

I think he gets nervous about how to act in photos. No additional needs. He’s a very sweet boy, never in trouble at school and he doesn’t act up any other time, it’s just in photos.

Because you've let him and never taught him how to smile properly for a photo. Different as a toddler but you really should have stopped this years ago!!

Arnaquer · 18/08/2022 15:14

I can't believe your family have been so patient for so long. You should have pulled your DS up on this long ago.

thinkfast · 18/08/2022 15:15

*smiling not emailing

Sharrowgirl · 18/08/2022 15:15

While I agree that he’s old enough to understand that this behaviour is annoying to people, I don’t agree that a silly face ruins a photo. It’s just showing his personality isn’t it? I wouldn’t consider a photo not worthy of a wall just because a child’s pulling a funny face in it.

TiddleyWink · 18/08/2022 15:15

If he’s genuinely nervous of having his picture taken then surely him stepping out of it is the correct solution? I don’t believe in forcing anyone to have their picture taken, it’s part of his bodily autonomy, so just ask him if he wants to be in photos with a clear understanding that this means making a normal smiley face. He then has the option of avoiding an uncomfortable situation and avoiding being left out, it’s up to him. But spoiling photos of other people and preventing your mum from having a nice picture of her family (a ten year old making ridiculous faces is neither cute or funny) is not on and I’m surprised he’s been allowed to behave this way for this long.

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