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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU Only the parents should change nappies?

535 replies

Mum070322 · 18/08/2022 03:11

I’m very keen on consent and protecting my baby’s privacy and prefer that only myself and my partner are the ones to change DS nappy ( 6 months )

Obviously I understand if we’re not available due to nursery eventually or if someone else is babysitting then I’m happy for someone else to do it however this has not yet been the case.

a while ago my MIL was over and my baby started crying and rather than just give him back decided to take it upon herself to change him (I was standing right there) he continued crying throughout the change and she gave him back straight after but it annoyed me as it wasn’t her place to change him.

I didn’t say anything at the time DS was 4 months and I was trying to be nice and friendly but starting to find her more overbearing and I’m getting close to drawing a line.

OP posts:
autienotnaughty · 18/08/2022 04:59

Babies do need changing/cleaning etc and unless you plan to not leave your child for next five years, other people need to do it. Surely it's better they do it in front of you so you see how they do it to make sure your happy?

bert3400 · 18/08/2022 05:10

Mum070322 · 18/08/2022 04:46

Obviously you’re unable to read asking him was clearly about cuddles.

so no he doesn’t just sit in shit… but I do communicate with him when I’m going to change his nappy

Show quote history

Really , Do you wait for an answer ? 🙄😅

Namerchangerextraordinaire · 18/08/2022 05:16

Is this your first baby?

If you have a few more you'll be wishing someone else would do it.

It seems very odd to me that you are fine with people doing it when you aren't there, but if you are, you suddenly get an issue.

I think you need to relax a bit & stop overthinking this.

Carpetfluffy · 18/08/2022 05:22

You had a thread in June about your partner cheating on you (with your newborn baby but we'll gloss over that) maybe you're projecting your issues with him onto your child?

Zuyi · 18/08/2022 05:24

First child syndrome. It's okay, OP, we've all been through it. One day you'll look back and cringe but in a funny way. YABU, but it's your right, you do you.

EveryFlightBeginsWithAFall · 18/08/2022 05:30

What's with all the odd threads about inlaws taking dc to the toilet/changing them about 🙄

If baby doesn't like being changed then she probably thought she was doing you a favour

I'm all for dc giving concent re hugs etc and always ask my older dgc for a hug, asking a 6 month old is a bit much though 🤣 do you ask him if it's OK to pick him up as well? I bet you don't

di2004 · 18/08/2022 05:40

Please don’t take this the wrong way but you’re being very unreasonable and I‘ve never heard anything so daft in all my life.
As a grandmother, I look after my dgd regularly and who else is going to change her nappy? I couldn’t have her sitting in poo all day!
You maybe need to speak to a healthcare professional as you clearly have issues, but don’t start on your poor MIL as she was only trying to help. I know it’s hard as a new mum but try to relax more and enjoy your baby.

rwalker · 18/08/2022 05:43

No offence but you sound like you have some serious is please don’t pass theses on to your child

rwalker · 18/08/2022 05:44

Issues

Gatehouse77 · 18/08/2022 05:47

No problem with family or friends changing nappies. I’d do (did) it for them and vice versa. Random strangers? Only in exceptional circumstances and in my presence.

Rafting2022 · 18/08/2022 05:56

Is this just an excuse to have another thread painting MILs in a bad light?

ladydoris · 18/08/2022 05:59

You should set your rules and what you expect from her. It's early days. When this happens you just say that this is how you roll. Be very thankful also and mean it. But You do you. Nobody else apart from the parents. If you are not there it's another matter. You just feel comfortable that way. And she should not feel a certain way because this is out of her grandparenting zone -when you are there. She just enjoy the clean child and hands over the pooper.
But about hugs. I did not get it, sorry OP. Each adult has a different way to hug and child has to develop a relationship with them, as they don't see grandparents as often it can sometimes take time. Let them develop their own little bubble. It's good for the kid to get attached to more then 2 adults. The more the better. I don't see how a kid can give consent for a hug at 6 months. Yet they actually need them to grow well. How does it work, I've had a bunch and this never occurred to me.

DangerouslyBored · 18/08/2022 06:00

My MiL is a nice person, but she is v interfering. However, if she changed my baby’s happy, I’d be nothing but grateful. Perhaps doing it without asking if you needed her to was overstepping your boundaries so I do get that part of your gripe. I do think that sometimes with controlling in laws, you have to pick your battles for the sake of your sanity, so I would let them one go.

DangerouslyBored · 18/08/2022 06:01

*this

Monday55 · 18/08/2022 06:02

YABU. How would you feel if your partner treated your own mum that way? You trust a stranger to treat your baby with love instead of her close family? That's Batshit!

Tlolljs · 18/08/2022 06:03

I’m glad my two dils are sane.
They are only too glad of the help.

Badgirlriri · 18/08/2022 06:15

wow. How does your 6 month old give you consent?

I’ve heard it all now. The world has gone mad.

FixItUpChappie · 18/08/2022 06:23

No, no you go ahead and keeping putting your child's grandmother in her "place" OP and make sure she knows all your patronizing rules too - serves her right for trying to be all helpful and participatory and part of your family Hmm

Maybe take a deep breath, have a cuppa and chill a bit.

Motnight · 18/08/2022 06:24

Do you mean your consent or your baby's consent 🤔

Goatsanddogs · 18/08/2022 06:24

I don’t think you are unreasonable. If my daughter is around and my Gd needs a nappy change I would always ask if she would like me to change her. I do not see any problem in grandparents doing nappy change but we do have to be very careful not to ‘take over’with grandchildren. When the baby is a first, new mothers are understandably very protective and want to show that they are able to be a good mother. It is too easy for grandparents to think they know everything (even though we know a lot more than a new mother) however, advice given by health visitors is very different from when we had our babies.

Jenhen89 · 18/08/2022 06:24

A 6 month old baby (or 4 months at the time) cannot give consent.

girlmom21 · 18/08/2022 06:25

This is nothing to do with consent and everything to do with control.

You've clearly said you'd be happy for her to do it if you need her to babysit.

WindyKnickers · 18/08/2022 06:26

Just when you think you've heard it all

lickenchugget · 18/08/2022 06:27

so no he doesn’t just sit in shit… but I do communicate with him when I’m going to change his nappy

and does he give you consent?

are you the person who is in baby changing for aaaages? Is this why some people take so long? Always wondered what is happening in there.

HotHeatDays · 18/08/2022 06:28

my baby also doesn’t enjoy nappy changes and I try to make them positive experience ie. i don’t just continue when he’s crying I calm him down first.

Ifyou think nursery has time for this then you are deluded.