AIBU Only the parents should change nappies?

[Mum070322]

I’m very keen on consent and protecting my baby’s privacy and prefer that only myself and my partner are the ones to change DS nappy ( 6 months )

Obviously I understand if we’re not available due to nursery eventually or if someone else is babysitting then I’m happy for someone else to do it however this has not yet been the case.

a while ago my MIL was over and my baby started crying and rather than just give him back decided to take it upon herself to change him (I was standing right there) he continued crying throughout the change and she gave him back straight after but it annoyed me as it wasn’t her place to change him.

I didn’t say anything at the time DS was 4 months and I was trying to be nice and friendly but starting to find her more overbearing and I’m getting close to drawing a line.

Because an adult has a capacity to understand what’s going on - not to mention if an adult was in a nappy then that’s because something distressing has happened in their lives whereby they can’t control their bladder and bowels and can’t change it themselves. So it’s appropriate to chat to them. Babies are not the same.

So you just let the baby lie there and don't explain what you're doing? How dehumanising.

for some reason consent parenting is controversial

Not controversial, just crazy.

You need to have capacity to give consent. @WooNoodle

Ps. im assuming you’re asking your kids for consent and won’t proceed it they don’t agree to, for example, brush their teeth or go to school?

#woke

If you can't trust your MIL to change a nappy then she shouldn't be around your baby.

It's good to be aware, but you need to be sensible about things, asking a 6m old to consent to cuddles is slightly batshit.

I'm guessing your first? Yes consent ... wait until 18 months when they refuse to do anything. Parenting is a lot about establishing boundaries and that the child knows you are the parent and thus does what they are told. Honestly asking to change a nappy or be picked up, making a rod for your back

Or maybe she's delighted because she need never do anything to help out with the child ever again and I would include any baby-sitting in that too, let the OP and her partner give 100% of their attention to this poor baby.

Just when you think workers can't get any more ridiculous then ridiculous......

In which case you’re in for a bloody long wait, the age of consent is 16 in the UK.
Beyond ridiculous.

*i don’t just continue when he’s crying I calm him down first^

Oh my goodness. There were times when mine were crying and wriggly at nappy change. Many babies don't care for nappy change time. The important thing is to get a clean one on quick before the inevitable happens.

This is a really odd outlook. Getting baby used to being changed by others, even when you're there, will make the next 2 years a bit easier.

Oh dear. Poor MIL , poor baby and I'm thinking poor dad who is now regretting having unprotected sex with the crazy lady.

😂😂😂 Well mine are well out of nappies but no funnily enough when they were newborns and it was 3am I didn’t talk them through that process.

Be aide I’m not a massive weirdo.

They are now 5 and 9 and OBVIOUSLY constantly getting kidnapped and getting unsolicited kisses and cuddles from strangers because I didn’t ask their permission to change a nappy as a baby. Silly old me.

OR they’re happy, independent and confident children who aren’t anxiety ridden because I haven’t been an overbearing weirdo all their lives.

As someone who’s worked with children, every parent is different and there’s only one hard and fast rule regarding outcomes IME - parents anxieties always rub off onto their kids. If you’re standing crying at the school gates because you’re going to miss them, they don’t want to come in to school if you ask them permission to do things rather than tell them it has to be done, they crumble when being told what to do.

I always ask a child if I can have a cuddle and respect their choice. And word itnso "how would you like to say goodbye? Wave? First bump? High five?" Etc

Then the said child should also be asking your consent as a cuddle is a reciprocal thing, it would save a lot of washing were my lovely grandson not to launch himself at me like an Exocet with sticky hands!

I have pinned Ds down for medicines and the likes in the past (although still talking to him and explaining why when appropriate)

I think the OP is being over the top and this is a lot more about her dislike of MIL than anything else.

however when a child is old enough to understand then it’s fine for them to refuse things like a cuddle or kissing Aunty Edna goodbye if they wish. Nothing wrong with learning basics of body autonomy from a young age.

Don't know what happened with my post there.
It was meant yo read Just when you think wokery can't get any more ridiculous....

You will find that there isn't a queue of people waiting to change your baby's shitty nappy. Just be grateful your MIL wanted to help.

Yes, but by modeling the behaviour z they will eventually copy

No I don't ask their permission. I explain what I am doing and why. And read my child. If someone wants to give them a cuddle but they are protesting they clearly don't want a cuddle. I am not so extreme as you all seem to think. I think some other posters on here get it.

Is #woke meant to be some kind of insult? Can you not just accept people have differing parenting approaches?

@00100001 I think you and I have a similar idea.

I think you are being unreasonable. Your MIL was trying to be helpful and show her love for your baby by helping tend to his needs. I think you are making an issue in your head when there isn’t one there. A complete stranger, yes. Or even a distant cousin. Not a grand parent who is very present in the child’s life. Maybe your not used to people just helping out and being genuine about it and her doing so had taken you by surprise? Also hardly any baby likes nappy changes, you just need to get on with it.

There's different parenting styles and then there's batshit crazy.

"Communicating" that you're going to change a baby's nappy? Batshit.

Not letting a loved grandparent have a cuddle from a squirmy baby? Batshit.

Not making a 4 year old give a cuddle because they clearly don't want to? Not batshit.

OP you sound crazy. Your poor MIL.

I'm so glad that I have grown up daughter in law's who have no issues with either me, or shock, horror, their grandad changing the grandkids nappies.

Children should be asked. I count children as being over three. Babies, infants, toddlers etc need cuddles normalising before they can properly consent. Babies health has been massively impacted because of social distancing. As well as development. You are in danger of shutting down your baby before they've learnt social norms and interactions. OP why do you think that your child doesn't want the close input if his Grandmother, Auntie etc? Are you saying that your baby doesn't deserve one side of his family? You don't get to dictate family relationships. I had a Mother like you and thanks to her I know nothing about my Father's family. It's bloody selfish and controlling. Your child and later the adult child, who will question you, won't thank you for it.