To really really want/need a job

[MoreThanAFeeIing]

I haven't worked since the 90s when I had DD. The original plan was for me to be a SAHM until she was in high school, and in the meantime I studied and did some volunteering.

However, massive spanner in the works, I was diagnosed with a chronic illness 15 years ago which has left me unable to get out of bed some days, much less do a day's work. I'm also on medication which has nasty side effects, so I'm ill for a few days a week with that too. My illness can be unpredictable - I can be in moderate pain for a week, say, then have a massive flare which knocks me for six for another week.

So. If I haven't worked for almost three decades, I'm in my 50s, I'm disabled, I have no references or recent experience - how on earth do I go about getting a job? I've applied for so many things but as soon as I ask for references I'm up shit creek. There's so many jobs I can't do anyway - for example, retail is out, as is anything I where I need to be on my feet. And it would have to be part time, and I'll need time off for hospital appointments (I have them every few weeks). I've applied to all my local charity shops for voluntary roles to beef up my naked CV, but they all need references. Which I don't have.

It's been ok up til now - DH is on a good wage, about £26k, so we've coped, but things are starting to get really tight. I feel awful that he's the only earner and I'm unable to contribute.

I don't know if there's any advice for someone in my situation but if there is, please share. Mainly though I think I'm just venting at how frustrating it all is.

Have you thought about civil service, in an AO role?

i joined a few years ago, basic admin, needed some basic computer skills (i self taught via youtube for office pckages!). Around here AO posts are hybrid working, around £21k for fill time but scope for part time and flexi working in some agencies.

i had no work references - both were personal and it was no issue. Passing the application proces is all about meeting the behaviours/competencies, highly recommend it!! Happy to answer questions that are more specific via PM.

In my world that wage would be brilliant! Im on mw. That just sounds like a normal salary for many. I understand in London where the house prices are ridiculous for what you get, that wage wouldn’t go far. My partner isn’t far off that wage and we have a detached 3 bedroom house with garage plus have a decent car. We live a normal life .so I wish folk would ssssh about this being a shite wage!!!

i was also going to add that you shouldn’t take lack of friends on as a judgement of what you are like. Many of us have friends through living in the area our whole life, work, children etc not because we’re more worthy than you. It’s hard to make them as an adult but it can be done!

Not where I work. I'm a step above entry level admin and I'm on 28k. A newly qualified PhD is on 35k and then it grows. I'm not in London.

Believe me, as someone who is a published author and has just finished a MA, you cannot write and edit on a tablet. It's a massive pain in the arse. Making a living writing is also stupidly hard at the moment.

@InChocolateWeTrust

No one said senior professional - many said senior roles in their business, and for reference, within 15 miles of me, in a similar field to mine -

Management accountant - 26,500
Management accountant - 25-30k
Financial controller - £25-30k
HR partner - £31k

just a few to pick from around the Teesside area in a brief glance over indeed.

as said earlier, you wouldn’t move for a better wage - when a 4 bed house can be bought for under 200k in walking distance of 3 outstanding Ofsted schools - just becuase it’s not a ‘good’ wage to you doesn’t mean it’s not to someone else

26k is not a good wage, it is only ok. It might be good for a single person, but to support two adults it's not much (I'm in the north too).
Also, what are your pensions looking like? If you haven't worked in 30 years will you be entitled to the full state pension? Does your husband have a pension since he's been working? There's not much time to build one up if not.

Hi all,

Just popping back to update.

First of all thank you for all the new, lovely, helpful comments. Every single one means so much and I'm so grateful. I felt so despondent when I started this thread but yesterday, for the first time in years, I actually felt positive. And made some actual progress with it all. I went to bed last night feeling like a weight had started to lift from my shoulders and slept like a top, another recent first. So, THANK YOU. Times a million.

So, that progress - I bought a laptop yesterday! Just a Chromebook but it does everything I need for now. I got it (well, DH did!) on interest free credit for six months so completely affordable for us and is a much-needed investment anyway, so no need to justify it.

I have made contact with the lovely @TheWayTheLightFalls who has so kindly given me a fabulous opportunity with her wonderful charity. I am so blown away by this kindness I can't tell you. I'm so excited to get started!

I've set up an account on Fiverr re copywriting, and identified a few local start-ups/new businesses who may need my skills at a bargain price. I'll be emailing them later That way I can hopefully compile a portfolio of my work/happy customers as a springboard. I can also include my book reviews used in marketing campaigns and various bits I've written previously (bios for bands, even my eBay listings!).

I'm reapplying for PIP - I'm calling them today to get the ball rolling.

I think what this thread has done is to crystallise the fact that conventional employment may not be ideal for me and I should look elsewhere, and be more imaginative/flexible - and honest with regards to what I can and can't do. So, dreaming of daily commutes or a physical job of any kind is a waste of time and setting myself up for a fall - I'm hobbling myself before I even begin. Going forward, I plan to concentrate on the copywriting and my voluntary work, then at some point (when I've gained confidence and got back into the swing of working), apply for part time wfh positions. DH's work often has roles like this available, which up until now I haven't been able to apply for. Soon, I will!

This thread has been invaluable and I will return to it often - not just for the brilliant advice but also for the kind words which have been just as helpful. When you're feeling as low as I've been this sort of kindness is absolutely massive.

Also, lots and lots of the very best luck to the posters who have said they're in a similar position to me - I hope you've found lots to help on this thread, too.

For the first time in years I feel like I can be useful, and am really excited about what lies ahead rather than dreading it.

Thank you all again 💐💐💐

As others have said, what's 'ok' for one person may be 'good' for someone else. We likely don't have the same outgoings as you - for example, our rent is £400pm and we don't run a car.

Lots of people can't afford to pay into a pension, either. We can't - DH's workplace pension is over £100pm, so for now impossible. However, he's only 39 so although not ideal, he still has time to save - and me working will facilitate that.

We know we're not in a brilliant position, but we are actually in a better position than many and we're grateful for that. And I'm working on improving that position as we speak!

On what planet is 26k a year a good wage?

Christ I earned more than that at 21

If you have a good grasp of grammar and punctuation, you could try training to be a proof reader. I think you can get correspondence courses.

Good luck OP sounds like a plan!

That's a lovely update, and a very interesting point about shifting your goals/dreams away from commutes etc to something more suited to your life - I wish you well.

Maybe let's stop trashing DH's salary.

As I've said: It's been enough for us up until now, he does a job he loves which makes a difference to peoples' lives, and where we are it's a decent wage.

It's also very much not the point of this thread!

Thank you 💐

Yes, I think it was the equivalent of buying lots of sparkly dresses and high heels for the life you wish you had, rather than clothes for the life you actually have! I've realised three's a lot to be said for managing expectations rather than fixating on something you can't do, then getting all depressed because you can't do it. Accepting that has been a huge leap for me, because now I can concentrate on doing the stuff I can actually do and doing it to the best of my abilities.

Lovely update and I think it’s about realising no one has it all, not the dream that the media sells us of perfect job, family, friends etc there are compromises along the way.

I love my job but wonder what it’d be like to earn more, my DH is similar to yours, I know he could earn more but he’s happy. There’s a lot to be said for aiming to be happy!

Lovely update Op, great to read about the kindness of another Mumsnetter too. Good luck, I really hope that you will update us with even more positive news - although of course you don't have to!

First port of call is the jobcentre. They will have access to all sorts of schemes, work placements and training.

Urgh have a word with yourself. You absolute snob and bully. Imagine saying that to someone in real life. You’re a disgrace.

CheeseyToasts
one word for you 🤡

CheeseyToasts · Today 08:25
having saw a few of your answers to other threads, you are a nasty bully. You must be a very unhappy person as you sound very negative. I bet your the sort of person who looks down on cleaners, shop assistants and so on. Snobbery at its highest

Op I just had a thought - what about dog sitting? Do you like dogs? It’s not guaranteed but near me people charge £25 per 24 hours for minding dogs.

And my bit of NI

Great update OP! Onwards and upwards you go. Do keep us updated with how you're getting on if you can manage it and if you'd like to. 💐

A really heartwarming thread! I’m pleased for you, OP.