To really really want/need a job

[MoreThanAFeeIing]

I haven't worked since the 90s when I had DD. The original plan was for me to be a SAHM until she was in high school, and in the meantime I studied and did some volunteering.

However, massive spanner in the works, I was diagnosed with a chronic illness 15 years ago which has left me unable to get out of bed some days, much less do a day's work. I'm also on medication which has nasty side effects, so I'm ill for a few days a week with that too. My illness can be unpredictable - I can be in moderate pain for a week, say, then have a massive flare which knocks me for six for another week.

So. If I haven't worked for almost three decades, I'm in my 50s, I'm disabled, I have no references or recent experience - how on earth do I go about getting a job? I've applied for so many things but as soon as I ask for references I'm up shit creek. There's so many jobs I can't do anyway - for example, retail is out, as is anything I where I need to be on my feet. And it would have to be part time, and I'll need time off for hospital appointments (I have them every few weeks). I've applied to all my local charity shops for voluntary roles to beef up my naked CV, but they all need references. Which I don't have.

It's been ok up til now - DH is on a good wage, about £26k, so we've coped, but things are starting to get really tight. I feel awful that he's the only earner and I'm unable to contribute.

I don't know if there's any advice for someone in my situation but if there is, please share. Mainly though I think I'm just venting at how frustrating it all is.

Op you seem very isolated.

I think that others on this thread have given great advice. I hope that it is helping.

Get a cheap computer, a camera and a mic and start teaching English online. You are learning languages so you know what is needed from the students' point of view (mainly clear pronunciation, grammar correction and new vocabulary). Don't worry about qualifications, just download the grammar books and learn as you teach. You might decide to get certified down the line.

Start off with a company like Cambly, which doesn't pay much but does pay weekly and allows you to have an extremely flexible schedule. The wonderful side benefit of teaching online is you get to have amazing conversations with people from all over the world. Great for history/culture nerds.

I'm also unemployed and flat broke but have been scrounging and saving and will be able to afford a new computer in less than a month from now. You can also sell bits and pieces on Facebook marketplace or eBay. If you're crafty, set up an Etsy shop - also good for vintage bits. Don't register as self employed before going to your local employment office to enquire about back to work enterprise schemes. In Ireland anyway, they are very supportive so long as you do it their way.

You have what it takes to get yourself out of this.

£26 is a good wage near me! Liverpool*

And Cornwall.

your tenancy that doesn’t let you run a business from home look further into this. It usually means that you can’t erect a business sign on your house or have clients coming and going creating parking issues, it doesn’t mean that you can’t be self employed and have your house as your business address. I am self employed and have my home as my business address as my business premises does not have anywhere for post to be left, however my clients do not come to my house (I run a dance school). However, I do all of my accounts and paperwork, class planning and choreography from home.

Agree.

I'm a childminder and even this is not classed as running a business but 'working from home'. There is a difference and most tenancies/deeds mean the latter is fine.

Ok but looking at this logically, if your DH is earning well below the national average due to the area you live in, it would make sense to at least consider the option of him transferring to another employer/area, given that your household financial situation is so tight. Does he really have the luxury not to consider it?

Hi OP
Fantastic that you are looking for a job and trying to change things.
Would you consider joining a book club, even online if they do it as a way to meet others? I’m just wondering how your daughter manages with neither of you having any friends or family?

Completely dependent on where the OP lives, if they have a mortgage/rent to pay, if they have dependents etc. - your statement is rather sweeping.

If you're good at writing, try here.

www.constant-content.com

They're legit. I've earned money with them.

The OP never said he was a senior 'professional'?? There is no indication from any of the OP's posts that he is in a professional field. Retail managers earn a similar wage, so it could quite possibly be that sort of role. What does it matter anyway?

Can we stop being dicks about her husbands salary? She mentioned it because they're doing ok financially. It doesn't matter if you're all living in £120,000 a year households. It's not the point of the thread.

OP if you can write well could you consider signing up to something like Fiverr where you can basically offer whatever services you're able to do and set your own deadlines etc?

I'd echo someone earlier who suggested book-keeping as something you can do from home on a freelance basis - people always need book-keepers - but there is a cost to the training you'd need to get the qualifications - look at the AAT website. And, of course, you'd need a computer.

OP, I mean this in the kindest way but what has happened that neither you nor your DH have a friend? I think this is something you need to try and rectify in order to give you more confidence and a greater connection to the outside world. Book clubs, libraries, neighbourhood groups all offer a wealth of possibilities.

Morning everyone, thank you for all the brilliant suggestions. The writing ones are especially useful - I had no idea these sorts of things existed. I write book reviews currently which I don't get paid for (publishers send me free books in exchange for reviews) and quite a few have been used on author's websites and in marketing campaigns - it's a bit of a thrill seeing extracts from your reviews on/in books when you go into Waterstones! That thrill and the freebies was enough for me, but I'd never considered I could make money from my writing again. So this prospect is super exciting. It's something I'm definitely going to be investing today.

As for DH's salary, I'm not sure why it's caused such controversy! He's not in retail (in fact a lot of retail management staff do get paid more - our local Aldi's managers get over £40k). It's very specialised and involves working with benefits/housing (which is also why I know we're not entitled to any UC). It absolutely is a decent wage where we are - the entry level salary where he is is around £19k. It's exactly the sort of job I'd love to do, actually. We've been doing fine financially - we don't drive so no expense of a car, we've never been on holiday so don't spend money on that and we don't really socialise. It's just with prices going up everywhere, things are starting to get tight. And also I need a job for my own sanity and self-worth - currently both are pretty shit.

Thank you again for all the brilliant ideas and for taking the time to reply 💐

I am, yes. Another reason why I need a job!

The advice I've been given has been brilliant and it really has helped. I'm actually quite touched that so many people have taken the time to reply.

Agree.

I don't know really, it's just ended up this way. I used to have loads of friends but I moved to a new city 20 years ago and didn't make any here. The school gates were very cliquey and I wasn't 'local' (I overheard them making fun of my accent once!). I did try when DD was at school but everyone already had their friendship groups and weren't very welcoming. DH has always been very self sufficient and says he doesn't need friends.

I do get horribly lonely - I haven't had a proper conversation with anyone other than DH or DD (apart from HCPs) since 2013. DH obviously talks to his colleagues. I've forgotten how to talk to people too - when I try to have a conversation with, say, someone in a shop my words come out all wrong and I say stupid things, then tie myself in knots for ages afterwards because I've made a tit of myself!

I would love to get back to the person I used to be - career, friends, good health, confident. Which is why I started this thread! It feels like a massive mountain to climb but honestly the replies here have shown me that perhaps it's more of a hill after all.

Hey OP. I run a small registered charity. I initially wanted to post to say that most smaller charities will be more flexible about references but actually I’ve got another idea - if you want to, we can find a few hours of writing / research type volunteering for you that you can do remotely, and then we can legitimately give you a reference that you can use. Let me know if it’s of interest.

She's in her 20s now but it was difficult when she was younger, having no friends or family. It's always been just the three of us.

She's doing brilliantly now, has two degrees and is a proper professional - so thankfully she won't ever be in the situation I'm in!

I don't know what to say. Thank you so, so much (in actual tears here). Yes, I'd be very, very interested. Thank you thank you thank you 💐💐💐💐

That's so incredibly kind of you! What a lovely thing to do!

Lovely! You’d be welcome and really helping us. Let me PM you during today with a bit more about us (we’re a food bank), and my contact info. Bear with me, it’s a child-wrangling day here today so I’m not as prompt as I’d like to be .

I am so grateful I can't tell you. And this is a cause really close to my heart - one of my voluntary roles was with a foodbank, and many many years ago I was a foodbank user.

I would be absolutely delighted to help in any way I can!

I am actually overwhelmed by all this. You're all brilliant 💐💐💐

@MoreThanAFeeIing oh lovely you've had a tough time but you're optimism shines through on this thread. You really need to apply to PIP again. You can get advice on the application from people like CAB I think. Or Google "PIP advice xyz area". I've heard that when first applications are rejected an appeal often gets awarded.
I know someone with rheumatoid arthritis who gets the higher rate. You're definitely entitled to it. Good luck.