To really really want/need a job

[MoreThanAFeeIing]

I haven't worked since the 90s when I had DD. The original plan was for me to be a SAHM until she was in high school, and in the meantime I studied and did some volunteering.

However, massive spanner in the works, I was diagnosed with a chronic illness 15 years ago which has left me unable to get out of bed some days, much less do a day's work. I'm also on medication which has nasty side effects, so I'm ill for a few days a week with that too. My illness can be unpredictable - I can be in moderate pain for a week, say, then have a massive flare which knocks me for six for another week.

So. If I haven't worked for almost three decades, I'm in my 50s, I'm disabled, I have no references or recent experience - how on earth do I go about getting a job? I've applied for so many things but as soon as I ask for references I'm up shit creek. There's so many jobs I can't do anyway - for example, retail is out, as is anything I where I need to be on my feet. And it would have to be part time, and I'll need time off for hospital appointments (I have them every few weeks). I've applied to all my local charity shops for voluntary roles to beef up my naked CV, but they all need references. Which I don't have.

It's been ok up til now - DH is on a good wage, about £26k, so we've coped, but things are starting to get really tight. I feel awful that he's the only earner and I'm unable to contribute.

I don't know if there's any advice for someone in my situation but if there is, please share. Mainly though I think I'm just venting at how frustrating it all is.

I wish people would stop knocking your husbands wage. It's not hard to imagine that different industries pay differently.

You must reapply for PIP and expect your claim to fail but then appeal. I gather loads of people are turned down but loads of appeals are successful.

If PIP is not for you who is finding it so difficult to work due to pain and hospital appointments then who is it for?

I believe PIP is not means tested so if you can find suitable work your payments can continue.

This is all brilliant and very true.

I do think that having no friends or family has made me even more isolated, and being unwell on top of that hasn't helped. I've applied for literally hundreds of jobs and never got as far as an interview, which has knocked my confidence massively too. I used to have a job I loved, good money, and I stupidly thought that I could just slide back into it when DD was older.

DD didn't have a computer for school, we didn't have the internet at home until she was in sixth form. So she used the computers at the library. My tablet does have a keyboard so that's a plus.

But you're right. I need to be more positive. I'm still coming to terms with my RA even though I was diagnosed years ago - I was in denial for a long time but now it's starting to progress and I can't deny I'm unwell any longer, and I think it's really knocked me for six.

But yes. Time to stop the pity party and get on with it!

Thank you 💐

No, neither of us drive.

I have recently completed a BTEC level 2 in IT and that was funded by my local Council, so I'd look into that as well as it might be possible to get some up to date qualifications. I do have a laptop, but I know that some other students borrowed the equipment as well, it was all done at home via an online learning platform. So do have a look at the adult education service locally, and the careers service nationally. They can often provide help and advice online. Good luck with the search, OP.

I would also recommend ignoring the people nitpicking over your DH's salary!

@MoreThanAFeeIing It sounds like you have quite a lot to offer a workplace. I would recommend getting in touch with HR in local authority and NHS, they quite often have flexible part-time roles available and can be quite good at training people up. They will often have good policies around making reasonable arrangements for people with disabilities. They are finding it hard to recruit at the moment so you never know! You might get lucky. Either way going through their quite formal processes will be a good way to prep yourself for other suitable roles.

How about volunteering with a disability organisation? They’re likely to be more understanding if the references issue.

Other than that, I think you need to be realistic. It sounds like you haven’t worked in close to 30 years. It’s hard to get back to the workforce after 3 years out, let alone 3 decades. Then add in your disability and the fact that it’s very likely to see you unable to provide regular service, you may find that companies can’t keep you on and move to dismiss you under capability grounds. That’s all very stressful.

Does your tablet have the ability to allow you to create a CV and email it? I use a fairly new iPad and it wouldn’t be able to deal with the formatting needed.

I know I’m being very blunt, but I think you need to be realistic. You have a lot of blockers so is it really possible for you to return to work now?

If you’re feeling the cost of living pinch, could you husband look for a salary increase?

Don’t get too hung up on references, they’re mostly used to verify that what you say about yourself in terms of where you worked and when is true. They don’t influence the recruitment process unless they reveal a lie, so you just need two people who can verify you are who you say you are, and you’re reliable etc. I would recommend putting down to it past colleague who has died and pretend you didn’t realise and one character reference that you might have to do a bit of volunteering to get. Lots of places barely check them anyway.

Thank you for the kind words, honestly they mean a lot 💐

Yes, I am down about it, I'm not in a good place at all really. I feel like such a burden especially now, with the cost of everything skyrocketing.

My languages are nowhere near good enough to tutor but I love the idea of selling vintage clothes! Even a few quid a month would be brilliant so I felt like I was doing something. My job before I had DD wasn't a million miles from doing that (not online however, this being practically prehistoric times), and years ago I had a stall selling 70s clothes at a market.

I'll have to look into things like tax/HMRC stuff but I'm very excited at this idea!

OP, for your own health and happiness, I'd also look at joining things that build friendships. These can be community groups, faith groups (in many you don't even have to be a serious believer, just open to things), hobbies, etc. You need to build a safety net of, at minimum, acquaintances.

If you have languages experience, can you look at gaining a TEFL qualification? I’m sure there will be online courses. Then you could tutor via Zoom.

I've tried loads of meds but the one I'm on now is the best for me side effects wise (even if they are a bit grim!). I have regular reviews and have one coming up in a couple of weeks - I do think my dose needs upping and will talk to my consultant about it.

It's progressed quite a lot in the past year. My knees and elbows are a recent addition to the catalogue of bollocks - my elbows are so bad currently I can't straighten my arms. My feet have always been very bad. Hopefully upping my meds will help a bit.

Have a look at the British heart foundation. They offer lots of different voluntary roles, phones, admin, online sales, shop floor. All very flexible. You would need two character references though. Could be anyone you know, neighbour, your child’s teacher anyone, just need an email address.

And definitely reapply for PIP!

You can look up some of the criteria schemes to see the key words they need you to say to get the points at interview and don't brush off or downplay how sick you are.

Are you sure you are not entitled to any benefits? Have a look at the calculator on the entitled to website. I would have thought that with a household income of 26k you would be entitled to some universal credit.

I think first reapply for pip. Get help to fill it in, or sign up to benefitsandwork.co.uk for teg most incredibly complete information I've seen (used it for my daughter's form). See filling the pip form in as a part time job for the next 3-4 weeks- take your time and be very thorough. Once you have that sent off, then look at the jobs mentioned above.

Look into what benefits/support you can be entitled to. Speak to citizens advice or your GP.

In terms of earning money:

• Voluntary work to get your foot in the door.

• Self employed - buying and selling (clothes, furniture). Can you make things? Learn a skill, baking, graphic design, up-cycling

• Employed - Working from home (civil service, admin for local authority/council, NHS admin bank)

Hi OP,
Re your resale idea: you can sell £1000 worth before you have to register with HMRC or do a tax return (is my understanding). So there is nothing stopping you from making a start and trying it out.

www.gov.uk/guidance/tax-free-allowances-on-property-and-trading-income

Sorry, I didn't read the whole thread.

So, you are interested in history & reading. Do you use the Internet to do some research or just looking up stuff?
Maybe woking for a charity is the answer...
Contact your smaller, local charities and offer to list & sell some of the more valuable donations on eBay for them. Some things need a bit of research, some a background write up to appeal to the right people whileothers just need a straightforward description.

*he's a about two rungs from the top of the ladder. I think those at the very top in his office are on about £40k.

Either he is lying, or it's a very small office/company doing low skilled work.

Don't be fooled by job title. "Manager" or "senior manager" are meaningless. 26k is not a senior professional. It's well below national average. You can earn 26k as a shop manager.

It is possible he is tucking extra money away/concealing his actual salary?

Also do you really not have a single friend? Not one?

Because social skills will also matter in a workplace. You might want to look at see ways to get out and socialise more - local choirs or hobby groups, sport, a book club etc.

You could try asking the JobCentre for help to get into work and how to get around the reference problem. Maybe they run courses for people wanting to return to work in your sort of situation. Or you could ask them if they'd let you do a couple of weeks of work experience in their office on which they could base a reference or recommend you to employers for training or temporary fill-in posts.

What about looking for a 'bank' job where you put your name down on a back-up bank of workers as cover for times when regular employees are on holiday or for weekends or Bank Holidays? Jobs like answering the phone for NHS helplines or the local doctor locum service at weekends. Other organisations too use telephone services, e.g. the police, perhaps local councils, even estate agents or supermarket customer services. A bit of training, willingness to learn, common sense and a sense of helpfulness and responsibility is all that it should take.

That kind of irregular work might suit you better than a regular commitment. You can do it if you are fit and available when it becomes available. If not, not. Work and earnings would be sporadic but it would be something that you'd be contributing.

Seriously?! MN is such a bubble sometimes.

This point has been addressed repeatedly in this thread. It may be well below the national average, but it certainly isn't in the town I grew up in. And there are many other forgotten post industrial towns like it.

And to suggest that her DH is lying is just rude.

If you play a musical instrument, could you teach it? You could have pupils to your home, there is often huge demand to learn instruments and you can earn easily £15 for half an hour lesson. It fits quite well for part time and if you teach children its common to only do term time giving you regular breaks

Look into writing short stories for magazines. My friend’s mum has been doing this for years. But agree with PP’s you really do need a computer/something to type on, correspond by email etc.

I seriously want people to actually quote these towns in the north where senior professionals get £26k.

Come on, post the job ad for the finance director or head of HR/IT etc paying 26k purely because its located 'oop North.

I think people are ovetinflating the seniority of certain roles.

It matters because OP has been out of the workforce for a long time and needs to understand what different types of work pay, it will not help her make sensible choices if she cant benchmark the salaries on offer.

E.g. it may be better for OP to access training to target better pay than to have a misguided view of the range of pay available.