To really really want/need a job

[MoreThanAFeeIing]

I haven't worked since the 90s when I had DD. The original plan was for me to be a SAHM until she was in high school, and in the meantime I studied and did some volunteering.

However, massive spanner in the works, I was diagnosed with a chronic illness 15 years ago which has left me unable to get out of bed some days, much less do a day's work. I'm also on medication which has nasty side effects, so I'm ill for a few days a week with that too. My illness can be unpredictable - I can be in moderate pain for a week, say, then have a massive flare which knocks me for six for another week.

So. If I haven't worked for almost three decades, I'm in my 50s, I'm disabled, I have no references or recent experience - how on earth do I go about getting a job? I've applied for so many things but as soon as I ask for references I'm up shit creek. There's so many jobs I can't do anyway - for example, retail is out, as is anything I where I need to be on my feet. And it would have to be part time, and I'll need time off for hospital appointments (I have them every few weeks). I've applied to all my local charity shops for voluntary roles to beef up my naked CV, but they all need references. Which I don't have.

It's been ok up til now - DH is on a good wage, about £26k, so we've coped, but things are starting to get really tight. I feel awful that he's the only earner and I'm unable to contribute.

I don't know if there's any advice for someone in my situation but if there is, please share. Mainly though I think I'm just venting at how frustrating it all is.

I write book reviews currently which I don't get paid for (publishers send me free books in exchange for reviews) and quite a few have been used on author's websites and in marketing campaigns - it's a bit of a thrill seeing extracts from your reviews on/in books when you go into Waterstones! That thrill and the freebies was enough for me, but I'd never considered I could make money from my writing again.
Contact these people to ask for a reference!

Rather than part-time hours, it sounds like piecework is best for working around your illness. Try the options suggested, search for more online and when you can definitely buy a computer. Good luck with it!

Agreed. It's statements like what people are saying that make me question how someone so stupid could actually be earning any money at all. How exactly do they think it's helpful to say 'tHaTs NoT gOoD mOnEy!'? What exactly is that going to do for ops situation? That's what he earns, some areas earn very little, 26k is average here. We aren't all in bloody London or the south east. Seriously though how do these people earn more than ops husband, when they clearly cannot think beyond their own life?

Definitely reapply for pip too op. It's progressed so you should try again.

I would recommend applying for PIP again and to look online at the critera. Just to note, a lot of people get rejected for PIP but then you should always appeal. The appeal will lead you to speak to a panel of experts to gauge your eligibility.

My mother sounds similar to you, and she was awarded PIP after appealing. She managed to work part time for two decades however, her illness got too much.

I am going to suggest the website meet up.

I retired early due to health issues and went from a full on life with my career to all the time in the world recovering from a horrendous illness that nearly killed me but is now well managed.

My friends are all still working as most are mid forties to mid fifties, DH won’t retire for a few years. I joined meet up, it’s an online organisation and it’s free. I went along to a hiking group and it was great. There are some groups that do online stuff as well which is fine on your tablet. I also joined the local natural history society and did do some voluntary work after my health improved though it took about four years of treatment. I am out today for a coffee and a chat with someone I met through voluntary work and went on a bit of a hike with another woman I met through the same organisation.

There will be writers groups on meet up, good luck!

Good luck OP. I am in similar circumstances but without the disability although I do have anxiety and depression. I have been trying to get back into work after about 20 years out and I'm self employed as well and I'm finding it all very challenging.

Remember some advice isn't always up to date. But take help and support if it's offered and I agree you don't know until you try.

I know a lot has been said about your DH. Mine is currently looking for work and salaries can be low. We're in the SW. He's applied for a middle management job with a local town council. Quite a prestigious town. One of the most expensive places to live in the country. Very responsible job. The salary is 26k.

I'm finding everything I apply for is lower wage or longer hours than I expected or wanted.

Op, just picking up on your latest comments this morning about lack of social activity (which clearly isn't helping your low self-worth), have you heard of the WEA? They run subsidised adult education classes - since covid hundreds of them are now online. It's a national charity specialising in adult education.

You can see what's available in the autumn (there are hundreds due to start in Sep/Oct): www.wea.org.uk/find-course

Add your postcode/town and leave the rest blank if you want to see everything. Or toggle to 'online only' if getting to a venue might be too much (at least right now).

If you could find one or two classes that sound interesting to you it would be a way to meet and spend a bit of time each week with people who have similar interests - even if you only join an online class, it's still time interacting. (Online classes are on zoom so you can interact and see people.)

You will be able to tell from the course description how much interaction there will be. There is a real variety - some more academic type subjects and some practical creative ones. Some have more discussion time, some are more listening. You have lots of interests so I am sure you could find something you would enjoy.

I would recommend at least a 6 week class (some go up to 10 but others are 1-4 sessions) as it will give you more of a chance to feel like you get to know people (who you might meet again on another course).

I don't know the specifics but I know there is fee support available for certain circumstances and they also have a learning support team if people need additional support to participate. Some courses are free.

There are some courses intended at supporting people back into employment too.

It might only be one little thing - to join a small zoom class and spend 2 hours a week interacting with a nice group of people for 6-10 weeks - but you have to start somewhere to change things and over time lots of little steps will add up. You might be surprised how much of a difference it could make to how you feel.

@ILikeHotWaterBottles my thought exactly and I doubt very much they are high earners.

Also if you can identify any bodies (council, library, etc) or charitable organisations in your local area that organise events or courses, usually there will be things that are free amongst them. It's a way to get out and around people and change your routine a bit.

Do some research of all the different things going on around you to see if there's anything you can get involved in. Even just occasionally to dip your toe in.

The more connected you are to people the easier it becomes to navigate obstacles.

Is there a specialist charity for RA? Most major/chronic illnesses have at least one charity working to support people. If so check whether they offer support with PIP applications, getting into/staying in work, or support groups.

I’m in the north and would consider 26k quite a low wage. I’m only on 30k myself and I struggle to support just myself and Son. I wouldn’t be able to support another adult with my wage

Good luck op. I am going to be reading these suggestions for myself as I am desperate to be back in some form off work too

To be fair regarding the husband's salary I think some posters mentioned this as they felt that the Op was coming across as quite naive and wanted her to know that not everything that she thought was strictly correct.

It's odd also to directly correlate intelligence with salary!

This. You are absolutely eligible from what you describe. And your husband"s salary is irrelevant as it's not means tested. The DWP turn down people all the time who ought to be getting it. Its a scandal. You need an advocate. Try again you deserve it.

And by judging her as naive, they are again coming across as stupid. They don't know where she lives, and she believes it is a good wage so it probably is based on where she lives. Coming on and saying that's not a good wage, and bugger all else, is just thick. They have nothing to judge it on other than a number. If you're going to make a decision, at least get the facts first.

It's not odd at all. You would hope someone getting paid a lot actually has two brain cells to rub together, however many mps prove that is wrong every day. Statements like these just prove it more.

PIP is £156.90 a week OP(high rate). You must reapply, if you get turned down got to mandatory review. You must fight this.

I’ve PM’d you @MoreThanAFeeIing - please reply to me there if interested , or let me know here if you’ve not received my messages?

Just replied!

Thank you so much 💐

I've got an appointment with my consultant in a couple of weeks and I'm going to ask for her support with this, and reapply. Things have changed since I was turned down so maybe there's a chance I'll get it this time. Also last time I didn't even think it was worth appealing - now if I'm denied it, I'll definitely take it further.

I'll also contact the CAB for help with my application and have a look on the various RA forums/websites for help in doing so, too.

Agree with this. £26k is not a senior professional salary!

You know, I always thought AIBU was a bit of a bearpit. How wrong was I?!

You've all been so brilliant and kind and helpful and honestly I feel a million times more positive than I did yesterday (I was having a really shit, woe is me day yesterday). There have been so many really constructive suggestions and I'm looking into all of them. And some of you have gone even further than that.

Best of Mumsnet right here 💐💐💐

I never said it was - it's senior in his company.

(Even the posters criticising DH's salary and suggesting he's got a secret cash stash have given me a giggle, so thanks to those, too! 😂)

Hi OP, you’ve had lots of good advice and I hope it all helps you. I agree with a PP that freelance work rather than part-time work would be more suitable. One website I’ve seen mentioned on MN for freelance work is People Per Hour, so that might be worth checking out.

Some councils/ charities provide refurbished computers/ laptops to people who need them for job-hunting, people on a low income, that kind of thing - have a look to see if there’s one in your area. I know you said you’ve got a tablet with a keyboard, but a laptop would be better.

I also have arthritis (psoriatic not rheumatoid), and was on methotrexate for a while (with the horrible side effects). I’m now on the biologicals (Humira etc) which are much better at treating the inflammation and have fewer side effects. I’d suggest asking your consultant about them at your next appointment.

I also agree that you seem very isolated - just because your DH says he doesn’t need friends, it doesn’t mean you have to be isolated too. It sounds as though you have ended up with a very narrow view of the world (understandably) with not even thinking about appealing the PIP decision, not querying the working from home item on your tenancy, and just accepting what you are told without querying anything. Hopefully you’ll be able to broaden your horizons again.

I'm so glad this thread is helping you, OP!

I do think you should be eligible for more support than you're getting though, whether that's PIP / ESA / UC.

Many local churches have specially-trained volunteers who will help people in the community access what they're entitled to - it might be worth reaching out to find out if there is anything like this available in your area.

I also just did a quick Google for 'free laptops for people on low incomes' and came across this, which I think is worth a read.

Best of luck!

I've found this thread (and Op's posts in particular) very moving and heartwarming. As OP said herself, it really has shown the best of Mumsnet. Wishing you the best of luck OP in your future endeavours, you've got this!

Echoing other posters too in saying you seem lonely so do focus on trying to make new friends although appreciate this is difficult with RA. And reapply for PIP.

Look on OpenLearn (free OU courses) and Future Learn OP (and others such as Edex and Coursera) for free courses in office skills/writing/IT related skills etc. you can do them all from your tablet. There's so much out there to help you. Good luck. We're all rooting for you! 💐x

OP is very gracious, which is something you rarely see these days on the internet!

Do try to make some friends. You seem lovely and also well-read. Join a book club, online if necessary.