What's it really like for a child with 50/50 custody mum and dad?

[rejectshampoodemandtherealpoo]

I can only ask for experience. I was brought up by a single parent with little involvement from the other. So I have no idea what it would be like to be shared.

What's it like for those of you who grew up with an arrangement like this where you live between two houses?

I want to know if it's overall good or bad. Just out of interest as I got thinking about this. Thankfully I don't have to consider it for my child but I am very curious.

As my other post mentioned it’s not plain sailing. I’d rather my own property now. Also one kid feels in the middle of the moving in and out
and it’s impacted when it was meant to be better for them.

Know a couple like this, they hate each other but say their daughter is really happy and that the 50/50 set up works great for their DD who is 9. Both parents split after a long marriage, then quickly met new partners and introduced them to the DD who loved them both. 4 years on, all still extremely happy it seems. Although I do feel it works for both parents as they love their social lives so get time to be with their partners when they don't have the child. I also think that because both of them are wealthy, the DD gets a lot of money spent on her and lots of holidays which obviously makes her happy and helps matters. Not sure they will be as lucky as time goes on mind. If they do, they are very fortunate.

My sons done it most of his life. He loves it, we always said we can discuss change if needed and he doesn’t want that.

but then again there zero drama between me and ex. His wife is a good friend and he is also my friend. We have minor disagreements but mostly just let each other crack on and chat about the important stuff as it comes up!

people on here, however, act like it’s some form of fucking child abuse.

We do 50/50. My daughter (8) loves it. Raves about benefits of 2 homes, 2 bedrooms, 2 holidays etc. Ex and I get on extremely well though and hang out together quite a bit so it’s not long stretches of time at either place. She actually really seamlessly moves between the two and we make sure any logistics are in the background and her stuff is always in the right place for her. Also we live around the corner from each other.

Oh and we both have other children so it’s not like we just ’want half the week child free’ 🙄

Very depressing thread for those of us in 50:50 or 60:40 arrangements. Knowing with certainty nesting would not have worked for us.
I keep asking the DC (teens) if they would prefer to live with one of us and if so that would be fine. Their dad says the same.

I don't any kid who 'loves' their parents being separated.

I was pretty much 50/50.
Every weekend with dad plus one day during the week.
I had a nice bedroom at my dads & it probably helped he lived alone. No step mum or other siblings to consider.
I had a nice bedroom at my mums & lived with my stepdad & step sister.
I felt at home in both!

It's not in the best interests of the child. It's for the parents benefit in most cases which just isn't right. Any parent who thinks otherwise is kidding themselves.

Kids need stability and a proper home. Fortunately the courts still tend to support this.

A bit like people who say their 1 year old loves nursery. People like to delude themselves. It's fine to say something is acceptable rather than fantastic.

I've worked in a nursery and that's never the case unfortunately. It's necessity and we have to forgive ourselves for what we need to do to survive.

I could have written this 🖤 It's good to hear others rocking this set-up.
Key to it definitely seems to be parents who get on well.. no animosity, we're on the same page so always back each other up, talk highly of each other, we've both made it a really positive experience.
I daresay some of the ones saying it's harmful are jealous of posters having good relations with the ex.

I think it depends on the child, how well the parents communicate, how willing both parties are to support hobbies / social activities and practical aspects like cooperation & how close they live to one and another. It can be a pretty miserable existence if parents can't / won't cooperate or live far apart..

Ex and I have been separated for over 10 years, we don't have 50/50. Ex applied to court for 50/50 and they decided 85 / 15 so basically 1 night EOW + a few extra days in the hols. He moved 90 mins away to where his new partner lived... DD seemed to manage okish when she was little, but when school started it went down hill and it's just got harder ever since. She really struggles with moving between 2 home and feels she has no home. Her Dad insists all contact time is spent as ''step family time'' with his new wife / her kids. He also refuses to accommodate hobbies or social stuff citing impact to their ability to do stuff as a family & he's not prepared to drive her anywhere - so she essentially has never been able to do anything that falls on his weekends.. she has never been allowed to move clothes, or toys between homes, and he refuses to flex times at all if she has a party for example. We've had a litany of issues over the years from school uniform, home work , PE bags, favorite teddies / toys being left at his & no way to get them back before the next contact and parties, play dates missed, the fact she couldn't do hobbies at the weekend.... where I live swimming lessons were all on the weekends so she couldn't even learn to swim until she was old enough to do crash courses in the school holidays.. Now she's a teen it is just constant drama on stuff she wants to do with her friends at weekends.. she asks him to make an exception, he says no, they argue, she goes in a strop and they have an awful weekend.. For her the entire thing just sucks and she frankly hates & resents it... Living between parents homes isn't easy and I do agree with others who suggest it's all down to how the parents approach..

If we'd had 50/50 it would have been utterly intolerable for her and I'm certain she would have just refused to go. Her 'ideal' solution is that she live with me and only ever sees her Dad for a few hours from time to time, or joins him on holidays.... that way, she argues, she has a home and can ''live like a normal kid''....

I hated it being 50/50, I felt like nowhere was "home". I wanted to live with mum and see dad every other weekend

I think it's a good option for parents who value their own free time tbh.

I would have hated 50:50. Mum was absolutely more in involved and aware of the importance of our social lives and activities and living with her seeing our Dad every other weekend and twice for dinner in the week was perfect for us. We could see this when wed have longer stints with him the holidays. He just didn't keep up the continuity and routines we enjoyed in the same way beyond a few days.

Just to add one more thing: we always said that we would only make significant geographical moves “together but apart”. ExDH wanted to move about 4 years ago and I was open to it, but wasn’t keen on his chosen location. I suggested a different location, he agreed and we moved. We still live less than 4 miles from each other, I pop round regularly to see DD if she’s with ExDH and we do stuff as a “family” quite often.

I do realise we are extremely fortunate, but in my defence I’d say I’ve put a hell of a lot of work into maintaining the relationship- and I expect ExDH feels the same.

We do 50-50 and it works but we all get along really well and we live within 10 mins walk of each other. I think if parents lived further apart it would be difficult as the kids got older.

And ExDH has alsways been an extremely involved parent.

I do have a CAO. In my case, I think it was clear to the court what was really best for DC. Ex is abusive and was uninvolved before I left him.

Wow it's hard not to feel a bit shit reading through this. My ex have done 50/50 for over 6 years now, kids are now 12 and 9. He'd not have considered being with his children any less and I'd have not expected him to accept any less. We live 10 mins apart, talk most days, with the exception of school shoes there never anything that needs to be packed and taken to the others house. We did use activities and committ to each taking them during our time. He lives with a new partner my kids get on with as do I. I have had a partner for years but we don't live together. My kids are very well adjusted and happy. I'd struggle to work if I had them anymore than I do and they'd just end up in childcare more.

I just could not have stayed in such an unhappy marriage and we get on much better now. 50/50 works for us all and as the kids get older they can live where they like.

50/50 works really really well for my daughter. Now that she's older (13) we do week on/ week off so that it's easier with school stuff etc. when she was younger she split the week so she wouldn't go without either of us for too long.

BUT I have a brilliant relationship with her dad. We message a lot about her but also about other random stuff like tv shows, work
etc. he's one of my best friends.

My current partner has two little girls (6 and 8) and they come over other weekend and one night in the week. I'm not convinced that 50/50 would be in their best interest x

We did 50/50 from DD being 4 when she started school. This was because she used to be with my ex every weekend before this and with school I would have never seen her. She was 50/50 til around Covid time and expressed she wanted more time at mine due to wanting a bit less moving around. I offered to change days she was here/there to have less moving around but that was a firm no as she wanted to see me more. She used to be at her dad's mon/wed/fri and alternate Saturdays. Now she has dropped the Friday and is there mon/wed alternate weekends. We only live 5 mins away from her dad and we still are friends so he comes here a lot for tea and we have trips away so he sees her a lot more. I think it's important to listen to what the kids want. It wasn't a nice conversation with her dad but he understood and I sugar coated it to be about permanence rather than she prefers being here. It takes open communication and lots of us remembering what she needs each days and dropping things off/picking them up so she isn't lugging all her stuff places. We have uniforms at both houses and essentials and when one house gets a surplus of things we divide them back so both houses are stocked well. My DSC however only sleep 1 night a week and that's what they want and we follow their lead. Plus my DH shifts are such 50/50 just wouldn't work without me doing a lot of care and the kids would rather be with their mum than me!

Totally disagree with this. It's such a sweeping statement to make. My 13 year old would most definitely prove you wrong! Lol xx

I would never claim to speak for someone else, but my parents split up and I would have hated 50/50. I'm very glad I had one stable home where I felt I belonged, and I got to see my other parent regularly without being pulled from one place to another.