@PowerPack I abs think the issue here is the fact you never feel like you can fully live your life as you're limited! I remember prior to when I got to age 8 when I lived perm wirh one parent I would be at mums in the wk formed my friendships at school and kids back then locally could play out I for couole hrs so I found my local friends at school and we met up Mon to Fri evenings but by the wknd it was sorru I'll see you next wk so what happened was they started forming better closer bonds with other kids who were there all the time and it was awful' same thing at my dads, saw these local
Kids at wknds then didn't see them again until the following wknd. As a child forming friendships is not jjsy that but it's the start to finding out who you are, working out your own character and that's so important! It's also about feeling part of a friendship circle which is vital for school life as a child that's what it feels is so imp! I was just lucky mum won my case as dad has a bad track record as walked out when I was born and I was with mum until 3 when he decided he wanted contact again and his busy shift role wouldn't have worked either.
My OH believed intensely that 50/50 is best but I don't agree, I lived like that and even had it been every other wk it's the same odds, I needed a perm home, it wasn't my fault they split up but for dad he wanted what was best for him and I chose what was best for me!
I think tbh there likely isn't a best option but we have to as parents do what is best for our children and as hard as this is to accept i truly believe the child knows what makes them happiest and whatever that is that's what has to happen, if that means parents stay together and make best of a bad situaion keeping their mouths shut and taking care in the best way for the kids I think we have a duty to do that as we brought the poor kid in to the world we owe it to them to do what's best for them, not for us and ruin their childhood.
My childhood from age 8 then became rhe happiest time of my life, I finally was in one place where I felt at home,y social life expanded hugely, I became more confident, happier, settled developed in to the person I am today. I felt like I belonged somewhere and it was home. Dad found it very difficult but he was never int from the start and I knew that from an early age I really did, he of course chnaged his mind as time went on but decision day taught me again he only wanted what was best for him, I was lucky I made it very clear it wasn't going to work that way, I went to court and remained steadfast.
Had I had to live with him or remain as it was god knows how my life would have turned out! I dread to think and the thing is as a child you only see you in your own world and you think this is only happening to you, it feels very isolating as you think everyone other kid is living a normal life esp if the ones you know are and you're not, I can absolutely see this having a negative mental impact on children.
So sad all round, I think the best way forward is what is solely best for your children, and you have to do your best for them whichever way that is and bite the bullet for their sake, if we love them we need to do what's best for them not for us.