To ask for the good points to having a boy?

[Greentartanbow01]

Please could I have measured responses, I absolutely know that ultimately a healthy baby is all that matters.

I’m due a c section with my first baby next week. We don’t know the sex.

It took us a long time to get here and we never thought we’d be able to have a child, I’ve had a pretty rough pregnancy- diagnosed with many different things and had threatened first and second trimester miscarriage, plus pre-term 3rd trimester labour. Am so relieved and pleased to have made it to the gestation I am now.

In all honesty though, because of all the drama throughout this pregnancy, I haven’t really stopped and thought about the baby at the end of it 😳

In my head, the whole way through it’s been a girl. In every daydream that I’ve dared let myself have, it’s been a girl. I’ve always imagined myself with a daughter, never a son. I’m much better with girls than I am boys when I’m around other people’s children and I’m going to be honest here and say that I do have a gender preference and that is for a girl.

DH genuinely doesn’t have a preference and I believe him.

Please don’t get me wrong, I’m terrified of the baby not being healthy and I know that a healthy baby is the ultimate goal, sex really doesn’t matter and I know I’ll love my baby whatever, but I know if it’s a boy, it is probably going to take me a few hours to get my head around and mange the ‘disappointment’ (if that would be the word) in all honesty.

Part of the reason I’m less keen on having a boy is because of the saying that I keep seeing trotted out on here, about a daughter being a wife but a son only being a son until he finds a wife. In all honesty, that’s definitely been the case with me and my sibling, DB just doesn’t have the relationship with my mother that I do. They’re close enough but he sees a lot more of his wife’s mother/ family and tbh it’s pretty much the same for most males that I know.

Could posters please reassure me that that isn’t always the case and tell me why they love having a son/ sons?

But presumably you are female and are not so why assume your daughter would be?

My two boys (teen and pre-teen) are loving, sensitive, hilarious, affectionate, obsessive, excellent at making tea and even better at giving hugs.

I felt the same as you both times, op, but have come to the conclusion that our adult relationships are my responsibility to start building now - not a prediction.

They're the lights of my life and I wouldn't change a single thing.

The patriarchy, VAWG, the paygap, increased poverty in old age, selective abortion of girls are the result of some women wisting for a girl in pregnancy and experiencing brief disappointment before falling in love with their boys (which is what happens in the vast majority of cases of maternal sex disappointment)?

Or the patriarchy etc results in women wisting for girls to share some solidarity against the patriarchy?

You won’t care, honestly. My son was the most beautiful little boy and I have adored him since the minute I saw him and he still makes my heart melt. My daughter was such an ugly baby but is gorgeous now and is my best mate.

I also wanted a girl. I have nephews and love them to bits but I had just always pictured myself with a daughter. I was delighted when my first baby was a girl. I didn’t mind what my second baby was and was happy enough when we found out he was a boy. He’s four now and I adore him - as does my daughter who cried at first because she wanted a sister. He’s quite a typical boy in that he loves cars and dinosaurs but he is also so so loving and gives the best cuddles. I can’t imagine my world without him and wouldn’t change him for anything. Obviously he’s still very little and I don’t know what the future holds in terms of how close we will be when he’s older but I know many men who still have close relationships with their mums. Equally I know women who barely see theirs. I think that’s probably down to individual personalities rather than gender.

I loathe and detest the phrase "gender disappointment". It means absolutely nothing but people use the phrase like it's some kind of clinical terminology. I've actually seen people on here claim "gender disappointment is a mental health issue" which is just completely untrue and profoundly unhelpful.

You can't have gender disappointment because its not an illness. We're talking about feeling disappointed because you didn't get something you wanted, however you want to dress it up. If someone is upset because they didn't get a job we don't say "aw poor Susan, she's got career disappointment". If a date doesn't go the way you hoped you wouldn't say "yeah I had relationship disappointment with Dave". Disappointment is just plain old disappointment, whatever the reason for it. It's just a feeling!

Like any other feeling you can choose to give in to disappointment and wallow in it or you can remind yourself it's temporary and try to move forward.

I felt EXACTLY like this, for the same reasons. I'm one of two girls and we are close to our mum.

I had a boy. I found out before he was born so I could get used to the idea, as I had a feeling he would be a he! I cried a bit, felt sad for a couple of days and then I started to imagine the little boy he might be and I started to look forward to meeting him.

He's 11 months this week. I love him so much!! He is the most adorable little bugger and I can't believe I was ever disappointed.

I think our relationships with our children are what we make them. I reckon a lot of it is that we expect boys to be more distant and independent as a society, so often that becomes the case.

I agree with people saying get a scan, I definitely found it helpful to have a week or so to get my head round finding out.

Hope all goes well with your section!

I have both and I can tell you that you will love your little baby more than life itself and its sex will be secondary.

There are pros and cons to both and both are fantastic!!

Good luck for a safe and easy delivery

Congratulations on your pregnancy OP :) I’m currently 32 weeks with my second and can really relate in terms of all the issues and challenges. I don’t know what I’m having either, but my first is a boy (now 6). He is honestly just so so lovely! Boys too have really special relationships with their mums in my experience. I’m kind of scared of having a girl as I feel like I find boys much easier. Though I also feel like one of each would be absolutely amazing :)

This used to upset me. I didn’t know with DS and people used to say “as long as they’re healthy, eh?”. DS needed surgery at birth and has an ongoing health condition. I would love him not
to have his challenges but I still bloody love him as much as my friends who have healthy babies.

We weren’t going to find out with DC2 but then he was diagnosed with a different health condition in pregnancy and we had an amniocentesis and more scans than you could shake a stick at. Again “what are you having” “so long as they’re healthy eh?”. And again I wish he didn’t have a heart condition, but I don’t love him less!

Obviously I hope everything goes smoothly for you and your lovely baby is healthy but boy, girl, challenges or not, you will love them. And a tiny bit of me says give your head a wobble and enjoy what you have.

I understand you. Was in similar position many years ago. My first child turned out to be a boy, although we had a girl soon too.
Everything i stereotypically expected from a girl, came to me with my son. And more.
My son is deep, clever, affectionate and empathetic. He is conventionally beautiful and to me he is a perfection. He’s extremely supportive and loves cuddles still. He is kind and knows right from wrong. He is brave. I’m his mum, but sometimes I feel like he is my best friend, because of the way he understands me and his sense of humour makes me cry with laughter. I’m blessed to have a girl who is to me just as perfect, but she in many aspects reminds me of what I thought a boy will be like… active, loud, physical, extremely confident etc.
OP, I would never be without my son. Don’t be afraid and don’t be sad, you will be surprised, if you allow yourself to be.

My brother and I are equally close to our mum. My brother is married and his wife is expecting. However, he still visits my mum and invites her for lunch quite regularly.

I have encouraged my DH to develop a good relationship with his parents so they see the grandkids as much as my mum.

Haven't RTFT as I just popped in to say what my wise old Nannan used to say about babies - that 'they all bring their own love with them'.
And they really, really do. :-)

PS I think you probably will have a girl, I always knew what sex my babies were before they were born - during the pregnancies, I mean, never had scans to tell me.

I felt exactly the same about a girl during pregnancy but when they handed me my baby boy I could never have imagined him being anything else. I have two boys now and they are both fantastic humans.

If it helps, my eldest son is married and still loves his Mum and my youngest son is about to go to Uni and climbed into my bed this morning to show me some Tik Toks he thought I’d like. Having sons is awesome!

I have a DD and a DS, I ‘knew’ I was having a girl before they told me and like you I had built the idea of a daughter in my head already so I just wanted to say I understand your feelings in that way. I love my daughter to pieces and she is an absolutely joy. However, so is my son! He is 12 months now and incredibly cute and cheeky! He has a really good sense of humour already and knows when he’s doing something funny. He’s incredible loving and always wanting kisses and cuddles. He waves to everyone and is just generally gorgeous, just like my DD. You will be fine and will adore your little one come what may.

Congratulations!

OP I felt like you in terms of thinking I don't know anything about boys - I only have sisters and nieces. I didn't particularly have a preference for a girl, more that I felt I'd know what I was doing if I had a girl.

But from the moment my son was born I couldn't imagine having any other child at all. He was my baby and that's all there was to it. He is now 2 and amazing. His favourite things are tractors, cats, visiting the library, going down slides, buses, cuddles, Hey Duggie, and pretending to be a robot.

I now feel like I wouldn't have a clue what to do with a girl 😂.

I love this post. Totally agree. You will fall in love with your child and build your own unique relationship with them irrespective of their sex.

My DS is only a toddler (3 in October) so I can't comment on older children, but he is just so amazing. He's forever giving me cuddles and kisses and follows me around the house. Yesterday he sat outside the bathroom door and when I flushed the toilet he shouted "Hooray! Mummy I love you". Can safely say no one has ever been that excited to see me leave a bathroom before 😂

I have one of each and honestly they are so alike and so different and neither are completely gender norm conforming, they have their own likes and dislikes and boy doesn't like football, girl likes to do her own hair from very small.

I feel you are overthinking and other peoples kids aren't yours so can't possibly be compared in terms of your feelings. Yours will bring their own love and their own challenges, no matter what you think before they are born you can't prepare for them, just meet them where they are at every stage.

Indeed. We know woman struggle in life, but hope for girls regardless.

Disclosure: I wanted a girl when pregnant as I had no contact with small boys. But I think in hindsight I wasn't cut out to be a girlie mum and do ballet, rainbows that sort of stuff. Of course I might have had a girl who wanted to play football and do scouts! But I think being the mum of a son suited me better. I didn't know what I was having until he was born.

that saying is really inaccurate and your son/daughter may not marry!
At different time in each of my dc - now very mature adults - lives there have been degrees of closeness. Now I think my family is as close as they ever have been and we meet up or talk to them frequently (almost daily) either in real life or by apps/emails/texts/phone calls .. .they are close to each other I think a certain small person (grandson) has helped my son his uncle adores him. Each child whatever sex is always totally different and its a real adventure in getting to know your baby whatever sex. ( checks if she has dinosaurs ready for grandson visit

My 3 boys are my soulmates. I love that they are all different and unique and that we complement each other in different ways. One of them shares my love of my subject and is taking it at University. One of them shares my love of travel, photography and fine dining. One of them shares my love of music and the theatre. They are all kind, caring, gentle, humble and generous. I would not change any of them for the world. Although they know not to invite me to football haha.
And it won't take you any time at all to get your head around having a boy, if that is how you are blessed. You will love your baby the moment s/he is born. And it will be a love that far exceeds anything you have ever felt for anyone before.

I have a boy. I wasn’t bothered which sex I had, but I know his Dad really wanted a boy.

He is now 17 and we are still very very close. He is funny, cheeky, kind and thoughtful. Always giving me hugs and still loves a cuddle before he goes to bed. He will kiss me and tells me he loves me ( even in front of his friends). We talk about anything and everything - football, college, menopause, politics etc.

He still loves coming on holiday with me, especially as we do a lot of ‘football’ related holidays. We are going to Italy to watch football in September and the World Cup in November. I have stood on the sidelines and watched him play football, from being 4 to 16 and now do the same watching him referee.

We love each other to bits and I’m very proud of him and sort of glad I had a boy.

I had a son when I had wished for a girl. I can't tell you the joy your own child brings, it's amazing! He's just the best! Don't worry xxx