To ask for the good points to having a boy?

[Greentartanbow01]

Please could I have measured responses, I absolutely know that ultimately a healthy baby is all that matters.

I’m due a c section with my first baby next week. We don’t know the sex.

It took us a long time to get here and we never thought we’d be able to have a child, I’ve had a pretty rough pregnancy- diagnosed with many different things and had threatened first and second trimester miscarriage, plus pre-term 3rd trimester labour. Am so relieved and pleased to have made it to the gestation I am now.

In all honesty though, because of all the drama throughout this pregnancy, I haven’t really stopped and thought about the baby at the end of it 😳

In my head, the whole way through it’s been a girl. In every daydream that I’ve dared let myself have, it’s been a girl. I’ve always imagined myself with a daughter, never a son. I’m much better with girls than I am boys when I’m around other people’s children and I’m going to be honest here and say that I do have a gender preference and that is for a girl.

DH genuinely doesn’t have a preference and I believe him.

Please don’t get me wrong, I’m terrified of the baby not being healthy and I know that a healthy baby is the ultimate goal, sex really doesn’t matter and I know I’ll love my baby whatever, but I know if it’s a boy, it is probably going to take me a few hours to get my head around and mange the ‘disappointment’ (if that would be the word) in all honesty.

Part of the reason I’m less keen on having a boy is because of the saying that I keep seeing trotted out on here, about a daughter being a wife but a son only being a son until he finds a wife. In all honesty, that’s definitely been the case with me and my sibling, DB just doesn’t have the relationship with my mother that I do. They’re close enough but he sees a lot more of his wife’s mother/ family and tbh it’s pretty much the same for most males that I know.

Could posters please reassure me that that isn’t always the case and tell me why they love having a son/ sons?

The love. Everyone I know who've had boys say the same. They love so much, DS is cuddly and loving in spades. He's so funny and he's an absolute joy.

*nice

I don't think it does. OP is female, she's just thinking that she'd have more in common to connect with a daughter I'm sure

You will love being a mum regardless. My first was a boy and he was such a cuddly and loving child even now and he is 16. My second was a girl. I sulked for a very long time as hoped for 2 boys. But know I'm very lucky and grateful for 2 healthy children. She was a very difficult baby but o quickly fell in love with her and we are all so close.

I didn't find out the sex in advance either. I wanted boys.

Mostly that was due to my height and knowing it's easier to be a tall boy than a tall girl, but still I wanted boys.

Ultimately I knew I'd love my baby whatever the sex.

My first is a boy. My second is a girl. When my daughter was born, she was perfect and I loved her at first sight. I did have some disappointment but at the same time a huge amount of love. The love has got stronger and the disappointment has gone. A lot of the disappointed was also tied into her being my lay baby and not being able to use the second boy's name I loved.

Yup I feel quite sad as a mother to two boys reading things like this TBH.

My boys are my kids so I am biased. They are 9 and 7. We have similar interests. We enjoy spending time together. They do display a lot of stereotypical boys behaviour. But I don't excuse it or let them get away with anything. They are also kind, sensitive and caring. I'd say their personalities are more like mine than DH, particularly with DS1.

I never had any expectations about having kids TBH. I found out what I was having both times so I never really considered having a girl. I doubt I would parent much differently TBH. If anything I was always worried about having a daughter because my own relationship with my mum wasn't the stereotypical mum and daughter relationship.

My boys say they are never going to move out because they would miss me, and argue over who gets to marry me when they grow up. Boys are lovely op, you will just have to explain to them at some point why you are missing a penis.

For me, my general experience of boys and men wasn't great. I was also terribly bullied by my older brother growing up.

Having a boy and bringing him up to be kind and decent, just seemed like a huge responsibility to me.

However it turns out that DS is just as lovely as his Daddy. He he sweet, kind and so so loving. He's only 7 right now, but I no longer have the worries I once had.

Congratulations OP! You will be fine

the saying that I keep seeing trotted out on here, about a daughter being a wife but a son only being a son until he finds a wife.

If women keep saying they prefer daughters and can only envision a close relationship with a Dd, might this be the reason that boys feel second best, not 'expected' to stay close etc etc?

And sexist bollocks about what Dads can do with boys while Mums and DDs have to have 'pampering' days and 'mother and daughter' days? Just do things with all your kids that they enjoy.

This sort of thing really annoys me. My brother and now also his DW are SO close to Mum.

OP, seriously, you will be so happy with your darling child girl or boy, and whichever sex they are, let them grow free of any generalised expectations or prejudices.

Congratulations!

It says a lot about how we view boys in our society that OP has to ask this question

There's a thread like this every week on MN about boys, and I've experienced it in real life too. I have a friend who is otherwise lovely but who was breathtakingly rude when my son was born, and a few colleagues were the same.

There's nothing really add other than I hope your birth goes smoothly and that you and the baby are both well. You'll fall in love and figure out the rest as you go along.

@SuperCamp

Think it depends on the mother’s attitude. I hope my boys remain close to me in adulthood. I do not wish to be “number one”. Of course his wife will be (and should be) number one so to speak. There will be no competition in adulthood certainly not by me anyway. Some women are too needy and probably do push their sons away.

I also thought I was having a girl but wasn't exactly disappointed I had a boy. Can't imagine it any other way now, to the point where if I have another I'd hope for another boy. He is so fun! Creative and has definite interests. He builds things and is fascinated by machinery and cars and neenaws. I find him fascinating and we are as close as we could possibly be. He is almost 2. I'm sure you won't be disappointed OP.

I have two boys. I admit I was disappointed I didn't have a girl, and I am sad that I'll never have a daughter, but -

I am everyone's favourite person

Constant cuddles

I'm very well looked after

It's really just nice and I'm very lucky.

i have met the sweetest loveliest boys. they are awesome

This makes me so sad
honestly, boys are great!
mines soft, sensitive, wouldn’t hurt a fly- literally wouldn’t hurt one. Was not rough and tumble,not football mad, he was enquiring and gentle as a toddler.
mines a teen now has a good mix of male and female friends. Gets on with life, has a brilliant sense of humour and is and always has been great company.
this genuinely makes me sad that your concerned.

some children are little arseholes. It’s not gender specific. Teach them empathy and respect for the world and others no matter what and they won’t go far wrong.

good luck with the rest of your pregnancy.

I have one of each and they are both awesome.

Mine are both boys and 19 and 16. Even though Ds is at uni we are in contact almost daily about anything and everything. When home we watch stuff together, meal prep dinner, listen to music and sing to it. We chat about the news or his mates and their lives/problems etc. He tells me he is grateful that he likes both his parents as people, not just parents.

The 16 year old is just as good but spends a bit less time with me. However, he is chatty, respectful, funny, just like his brother. Watches tv shows with us too. We spend time together as a family, have a family dinner every night. Now that it is summer holidays we lunch together with Dh who is working from home.

Both children are kind and thoughtful. This has nothing to do with their sex. I totally understand your disappointment. When I was younger I envisioned my life to have a boy and a girl but I had a miracle first baby after fertility issues so I was grateful for whatever I could carry to term.

When I was pregnant I wanted a girl but found out about boy and honestly he is the most wonderful thing to exist on the planet. So much so that I am pregnant again and hoping for another boy 🥰 You will adore them whatever the sex

And yet society is still hugely misogynistic and skewed to the advantage of males.

When that baby that you've been waiting for so long is placed on your chest for the first time you are sooooo not going to be caring what's between it's legs. You are going to be marvelling at how fucking fantastic you are for producing the most beautiful, wonderful baby ever born.
I'm due DS3 next month and have been a little peeved at the pitying looks and pinched "oh another boy" comments to be honest.
DS1 is the sweetest, funniest child, DS2 was stillborn and is my perfect, handsome angel and I'm so excited to find out who DS3 is and what he's all about. Just as I would be if he was a girl.
As an aside. My DBro dumped his last GF for slagging off our DM (who she'd only met in the passing but apparently DM didn't fall to her knees and worship at her feet) which he lamented as the GF was a 10 (he said 🤨) but he couldn't tolerate that sort of attitude to DM. So its not a given that some woman will just steal your boy away!

I cannot tell you how many threads there are on the disappointment of having a son. Never a girl.

Yet we fight for equality etc.

I adore my son. Sometimes I look at him and can feel how much I love him physically, in my chest. He comes up to us and holds our faces in his hands and kisses us. He loves looking after his toy baby doll and pushing it around in his buggy. He is obsessed with all things that go at the moment. And he loves his toy kitchen.

On the adult side- my parents have two girls and a boy. They are much closer to my brother, they have a wonderful relationship and get on so well with his wife, they both stay at my parents' house regularly when they're in their city for work.

I'm 30 weeks pregnant with my second and we aren't finding out the sex again, the only reason I'd prefer a girl this time is that I find them easier to name

I have 2 ds and I have lost count of the times today that each of them has just come up to me for a cuddle and said "love you mum". Just in one day. They are beautiful, funny, and I feel like I've done stuff with them I might never have done if I'd had a daughter. It has pushed me out of a comfort zone for sure but I wouldn't change it.

I find it depressing people are so harsh on baby boys. My brother in law phones his mum every week and almost every man I have worked with has supported their mums through struggles and always check in whilst my sisters and I rarely do with out mum. It's not out of unkindness it's just the way we were brought up. Teach your kids you are approachable and there for them and supportive, let them find their place in the world and put in effort to keep a relationship and you have just as much chance as you would of a daughter maintaining a great adult relationship. Welcome any daughter or son in law also!

I feel this view is based on the fact the woman often runs the household and makes decisions about holidays, childcare etc. if you bring your son up to be an equal partner who thinks women and men should equally pull their weight in a relationship and equally take responsibility for deciding what the family does, then a wife won’t replace you as their mother, she’ll be his partner and he won’t feel ashamed for being a “mummy’s boy” which is a horrible sexist term. You don’t get mummy’s girls so why is it seen as bad if a man is close to his mum? It’s time we take responsibility to change our language and expectations of “male behaviour”.