To ask for the good points to having a boy?

[Greentartanbow01]

Please could I have measured responses, I absolutely know that ultimately a healthy baby is all that matters.

I’m due a c section with my first baby next week. We don’t know the sex.

It took us a long time to get here and we never thought we’d be able to have a child, I’ve had a pretty rough pregnancy- diagnosed with many different things and had threatened first and second trimester miscarriage, plus pre-term 3rd trimester labour. Am so relieved and pleased to have made it to the gestation I am now.

In all honesty though, because of all the drama throughout this pregnancy, I haven’t really stopped and thought about the baby at the end of it 😳

In my head, the whole way through it’s been a girl. In every daydream that I’ve dared let myself have, it’s been a girl. I’ve always imagined myself with a daughter, never a son. I’m much better with girls than I am boys when I’m around other people’s children and I’m going to be honest here and say that I do have a gender preference and that is for a girl.

DH genuinely doesn’t have a preference and I believe him.

Please don’t get me wrong, I’m terrified of the baby not being healthy and I know that a healthy baby is the ultimate goal, sex really doesn’t matter and I know I’ll love my baby whatever, but I know if it’s a boy, it is probably going to take me a few hours to get my head around and mange the ‘disappointment’ (if that would be the word) in all honesty.

Part of the reason I’m less keen on having a boy is because of the saying that I keep seeing trotted out on here, about a daughter being a wife but a son only being a son until he finds a wife. In all honesty, that’s definitely been the case with me and my sibling, DB just doesn’t have the relationship with my mother that I do. They’re close enough but he sees a lot more of his wife’s mother/ family and tbh it’s pretty much the same for most males that I know.

Could posters please reassure me that that isn’t always the case and tell me why they love having a son/ sons?

What a stupid statement.

My two - boy & girl are both loving and my daughter doesn't/didn't scream ffs

I get where you are coming from.... But I do wonder if we don t socialise boys into this. At the start, my son would come home with tales of woe too. Im not entirely convinced that anything has changed or that he isnt as upset.... but somehow he has become convinced that he doesn't talk about that sort of thing because he is a big boy. Whoever filled his little head w that cr£p, I don t know.

I had a boy first (then a girl) and my experience is that he was easier (slept more, ate well, rarely cried etc) than my daughter, but also that boys ADORE their mummas! He's so affectionate (even at 11 & about to start secondary school) & cuddly, and thinks I'm the most wonderful person ever!

I absolutely LOVE having a boy. I wouldn’t know what to do with a girl and I am due my second boy soon. My son is so loving and sweet and such a mummy’s boy. His dad loves that we didn’t have a daughter as he loves doing ‘boy’ stuff with him. I don’t think girls are necessarily closer to their mums just because they are girls. I think the bond you have with your children will be there or not regardless of their gender

You've taken one ridiculous patriarchal saying, added in an individual's experience and come up with a nonsensical generalisation- and all you're going to get here is generalisations in return.

For every man who abandoned his mum you'll find a man who still lives with her; for every man who was much closer to his father you'll find one who was devoted to his mother. Who knows? Your little boy- if that's what he is- may one day decide he wants to live his life as a woman.

All you can do as a parent is appreciate and nurture the individual you have been blessed with. And I feel very sorry for the little baby born to a mother who's disappointed in him even before he's uttered his first cry.

On a practical level, I agree with the poster who suggested getting a private scan to find out the sex now, to give yourself some time to process this before the birth.

I don't want to generalise of course but in my experience my son came home with stories of sneaky, mean boys in the friendship groups as well, what I did notice though (which I always pointed out as well) was when my daughter came home with stories like that my DH would always make a comment about girls being bitchy or whatever where as if my son came home with a story like that my DH would make a comment specifically about that boy, if you know what I mean.? And I don't even think he did it consciously, it's like something ingrained in people that girls are sneaky or mean by nature but if a boy is he's individually responsible for that behaviour

I voted YANBU because they are completely valid worries to have and it’s normal to have a preference.

However! It’s certainly not always the case. My partner is very close with his family in general and actually we see his mum far more than we see mine. He’s always been particularly close with his mum. She will also be having more of an “active” grandma role once our baby is born.

I wouldn’t know what to do with a girl- Lacey247

Seriously?

What are the specific things you do with a baby boy?

I have a boy, he is the best! I genuinely didn't mind whether I had a boy or a girl, and I don't really understand why people do. But you do so all I can tell you is once the baby arrives nothing else matters but them. The relationship you foster with your child from the start will lay the foundations for the relationship you have with them in future. That is not defined by the babies sex.
As far as differences between the sexes go, I can't really comment, but every child is different so no one can really tell you. I do know that if you have a boy and decide that he should do boy stuff with his dad, not you (as I've seen many mum's do) then don't be surprised if your relationship is not as close with him as that with his dad.

Don't buy into the tripe that is a 'daughter's a daughter for all her life, a son's a son until you ditch him because he takes a wife'. The only person who I've ever heard say that irl is MIL, and we haven't seen her for years because I think she truly believes it. I will never feel that way about DS.

I have a girl and a boy I secretly wanted two girls when I found out i was expecting my second, I had this idea in my mind of two sister's but I am so blessed, my boy is wonderful and they are all amazing in own way's when your beautiful baby is born you won't care about the gender I can't comment on the older milestones as my two are still primary age but I do know that I would not have swapped my boy for all the girl's in the world. You will understand when you hold your beautiful baby congratulations OP enjoy every moment xx

I have three grown sons, they all have their own homes now with their partners. Their partners are lovely and arrange lots of outings with me, theatre, meals holidays with all the family. We go to each other’s houses lots and have a great time. So basically I’ve got three sons and also have three daughters.
They are all the joy of my life and I’m so lucky, my daughter in laws tell everyone that they’ve got the best mother in law in the world.
When you have your baby they will be the one that you’ve dreamed of having regardless of sex.

You need to step away from your day dreams. Even if you end up having a daughter she may not be who you imagined and if there's one thing that is true about children it is that they will be who they want to be. Whatnif your child is born with a disability and that doesn't fit your day dream, do you think you will love them less? Of course not You will get to know and love your child for who they are.

I honestly cannot get my head around this cultural gender preference for girls in the UK, when I had my son a friend said to me 'oh he's lovely but you must have a girl next time' that comment hurt immensely because I was so in love with my new baby and it had been a tough journey to get there. I didn't understand what was wrong with him or why I needed to have a girl next. In other cultures they are obsessed with having boys.

I always saw myself with girls, and thought I wouldn’t have a clue what to do with boys (only child who went to a girls’ school so not much experience of being around younger boys). I’ve had 3 boys, my eldest is now a teenager. I wouldn’t swap them, they can be loud, but they are fab, and really loving, even my eldest still hugs me. From knowing others with 13/14 year olds, the girls sound much harder work at this age, and there doesn’t seem to be the friendship dramas from age 8/9 onwards that girls have either.

But whatever the gender, personalities vary, even a girl may not fit with what you expect, and you don’t need to worry that you think you are better with girls, your own children are different to anyone else’s.

This is why I didn't find out before birth.

At 20 weeks I wasn't bonded enough with the pregnancy to feel anything but disappointed.

But at birth, when I held my little girl, I adored her. My first thought was how amazing she was and how gorgeous. Any feelings of disappointment didn't come until a few hours later and even then they were reduced by just how much I loved my baby.

Boys are awesome! Girls are awesome!

congratulations OP, you’re going to be an amazing mummy.

it sounds like you know how you’ll connect with a girl, but with a boy you’ll have some great things to learn and explore together.

This is lovely. I also have one of each and can relate to this so much.

about a daughter being a wife but a son only being a son until he finds a wife.

I don't think I've ever seen that on MN.
Since 50% of marriages end up in divorce, the odds are high you'll get your son back at some point. Hmmm, maybe that's not what you were looking for.

I have 2 sons. They're fab. The end.

They're just children. Some boys will be close to their mums, some won't. Some girls will be tyrannical teens, some won't. Some boys will be rough and tumble, some won't. Some girls will be sweet and caring, some won't.

99.9% of the things people assume about having a boy or a girl are stereotypes, nothing more. You would be better to think about the assumptions you make about a male child vs a female child and wonder if they are healthy things to parent with in your head and whether you might be creating a self-fulfilling prophecy, tbh.

I have a boy and currently expecting a girl.
I was a bit disappointed when we found out the sex of this baby and still getting over it tbh.
Before I had kids I always thought having one of each is the ideal. But now I've had my boy I was really hoping for a 2nd boy. I am his favourite person and we have the best relationship, he's funny, cheeky and very loving and caring.

I am also not close with my mum and I don't remember ever being very close or having any common interests. While my sister seems to be closer to her, they still have a bit of a weird relationship involving daily arguments and regular screaming matches. My husband on the other hand is much closer to his mum, they have a better relationship overall and are in contact more often, which translates into our son having videocalls with MIL quite often and preferring her to my mum.

Someone actually said to me 'I thought you'd have a girl as you're quite girly' er well it doesn't work like that! My son is 3 weeks old and I'm completely besotted, he's just the cutest little thing 🥰

I have one of each, it doesn't matter what your baby is, you don't need people to sell you the positives, once that baby is born you will wonder why you asked the question.

There is no better sex, they are often different but so are siblings of the same sex.

For my perspective there was a lot less sleep with the boy, he was a lot funnier when he was small, was in more trouble at school, but is more generous and physically affectionate than my daughter, but is a lot less of a sharer of personal information and we have more of a mother and son relationship than the friend relationship that I have with my daughter.

I love them equally and wouldn't swap either.

I mean in terms of the typical things a girl may be interested in obviously

I had 2 girls followed by a boy. My DS was so loving and cuddly. He loved kisses and told me all the time he loved me. He could also be a devil at times but the good most definitely outweighed the bad!

My girls are the exact opposite of what my DS was!

Hmm. And then mine said he wanted to grow an Afro…. At least he sorts it…

I love having my ds. He is the coolest person on earth, a hulking eating teen, but not once has he ever insulted me or had a tantrum or a strop. There’s no drama, he has his mates he knocks about with, some of them are dickheads, but far less drama than I see (and remember) from girl stuff.

you will love your baby no matter what, and it’s such a journey of discovery about life and about yourself.

im glad I have him. Girls are so much more expensive with their hair and clothes etc.

and yes, he still hugs and kisses his mum.

when nobody is looking. :)

I always wanted a girl, but got 2 boys and I can honestly say thank fuck for that! My boys are wonderful.

The rest of the family have girls, I’m surrounded by nieces on mine and my husbands side and with hindsight I am so pleased I don’t have girls. It may just be my family but they are all precocious and overly chatty and always want your attention and to be in the spotlight! I couldn’t deal with that 24/7! I enjoy my lovely easy boys playing with Lego or chasing each other with sticks! They are a bit gross though, and never want to do my hair. I love it when my nieces spend hours plating my hair!

Oh, and my DM can’t get rid of my DB. He’s round there more than I am eating her food and fixing stuff for her!