To ask for the good points to having a boy?

[Greentartanbow01]

Please could I have measured responses, I absolutely know that ultimately a healthy baby is all that matters.

I’m due a c section with my first baby next week. We don’t know the sex.

It took us a long time to get here and we never thought we’d be able to have a child, I’ve had a pretty rough pregnancy- diagnosed with many different things and had threatened first and second trimester miscarriage, plus pre-term 3rd trimester labour. Am so relieved and pleased to have made it to the gestation I am now.

In all honesty though, because of all the drama throughout this pregnancy, I haven’t really stopped and thought about the baby at the end of it 😳

In my head, the whole way through it’s been a girl. In every daydream that I’ve dared let myself have, it’s been a girl. I’ve always imagined myself with a daughter, never a son. I’m much better with girls than I am boys when I’m around other people’s children and I’m going to be honest here and say that I do have a gender preference and that is for a girl.

DH genuinely doesn’t have a preference and I believe him.

Please don’t get me wrong, I’m terrified of the baby not being healthy and I know that a healthy baby is the ultimate goal, sex really doesn’t matter and I know I’ll love my baby whatever, but I know if it’s a boy, it is probably going to take me a few hours to get my head around and mange the ‘disappointment’ (if that would be the word) in all honesty.

Part of the reason I’m less keen on having a boy is because of the saying that I keep seeing trotted out on here, about a daughter being a wife but a son only being a son until he finds a wife. In all honesty, that’s definitely been the case with me and my sibling, DB just doesn’t have the relationship with my mother that I do. They’re close enough but he sees a lot more of his wife’s mother/ family and tbh it’s pretty much the same for most males that I know.

Could posters please reassure me that that isn’t always the case and tell me why they love having a son/ sons?

I'll be blunt that 'a daughter being a daughter but a son only being a son until he finds a wife' is some patriarchal bullshit right there - not having a go at you, just the saying! Honestly, what will happen if/ when he finds a partner will be the last thing on your mind day to day.

Not tbh does one really think about gendered expectations from day to day. A daughter may not be your soulmate who loves shopping or whatever floats your boat, or you may never get to see her try on a wedding dress. They will be their own people and went necessarily conform to expectations.

They can tell you what the sex is - the hospital will know. You don't need to pay for a private scan, just say you've changed your mind about knowing. I decided I wanted to know because everyone else in the hospital knew so I didn't want to be outside this knowledge.

I love my ds with all my heart - when I was first pregnant I thought I wanted a girl but I'm so, so glad I had a boy. He is the funniest, kindest individual. He has had his ups and downs for various reasons but we've ridden them out and found a way - just as my sister had to find a way through her two daughters' ups and downs which were far worse with one of them. He's now 20 and away at uni and I don't see him so much and I miss him, pure and simple. When I was pregnant with him there was an article on Woman's Hour on Radio 4 with a woman saying she'd rather not have children if she knew she was going to have boys, and I think that is so unbelievably sad and, actually, just plain stupid. I also queried John Lewis at the time as their girls clothes sections in one store was far larger than their boys clothes section and got a silly answer about how women like to buy for girls rather than boys. Turned out the buyer had girls so didn't know what she was talking about. It was so depressing. The feeling was very much that a woman shouldn't want boys but whoever thinks that is just plain wrong, imo.

I have a friend who was convinced she was having a girl then had a very late scan and it was obvious, even though they hadn't wanted to know what sex, that it was a boy. She was disappointed to begin with and now I know full well that if you asked her to reply honestly which of her she was closest to, she'd say the boy rather than the girl.

As others have said you love them for them, not for being some sort of construct. They have their own personalities from the very first minutes, believe me!

My eldest is 5 and I love our relationship.

I had no brothers so didn't know what I would do with a son. I've learned a lot about trains, construction, dinosaurs and tractors. I like the lego and train sets and remote control cars.

The other week we were talking about real life superheroes. He said his superpower was speed, then said "Mammy, your superpower is love"

I probably thought this way when I had DS1, then I went on and had another boy. My sons are now both grown up. We have always been SO close, I remember looking down from the very uncomfortable squatting position I gave birth in right into DS1's face as he was born, he opened his eyes and gave me what seemed a very knowing look, I was in love! DS2 emerged looking very strange indeed, and very disgruntled about being out in the world, but again there was that huge surge of love. DS2 is very creative and DS1 very academic, we shop, go to galleries, all have a passion for cooking, they do sporting stuff too but with DH. I couldn't wish for anything more from them. Looking back I do think that boys may be easier to bring up, but that might just be me, there is no nicer creature on this planet than a 5 year old little boy.

I have two DS’ grown up now, (21 & 19) been an awesome journey so far. Try not to worry whether you have a boy or girl, the love you will feel for them will be beyond measure. My boys love me & their dad to bits. Good luck OP.

If you have expectations because of his sex, you’re going to have problems. Society has a huge problem at the moment due to this rubbish. He’s your child. Love him, teach respect, listen to him, encourage him, be there for him and he’ll be a lovely boy and grow up to be a lovely man.

I'm pregnant with my third DS. I always thought I'd have a daughter, but it's never happened. I was initially sad when I found out ds2 was a boy as I had hoped for 2 children - one of each sex. There has been a 6 year gap between DS2 and ds3 and I didn't experience that sadness when I found out ds3 was a boy as I knew how lovely my 2 boys were already, and how actually their sex was irrelevant in terms of bonding etc, they're lovely because they're mine. Wouldn't change them for the world.

I’m only comparing my boy and girl here but DS is much less complicated and more cuddly than DD

Boys are lovely. We had girls, but our grandchildren are boys. We love them to pieces.

Boys are more loving and don’t scream.

Boys are AWESOME 💙

My experience is that boys are very affectionate and loving. Certainly at their current ages - junior school.

Oh, and what you see is what you get.

Socially boys are a lot easier. Girls are a nightmare the amount of stress brought home because friends have fallen out with each other is unbelievable. My son has never had these issues. Boys just muck in together, don't worry about who is friends with whom... Honestly, you will meet your baby and fall in love whether it is a boy or a girl. You will get swept up in their interests as their little personality unfolds. Congratulations on your pregnancy and good luck with everything to come.

@Greentartanbow01 I haven’t read through the replies, but my god - how awful of you - you can’t be serious? Why on earth did you bother trying for a child if you didn’t want a boy?? So many people would do anything to be in your position and would not care

I wouldn’t compare your brother’s relationship with your parents or your partners relationshop with his parents (both bad by the sounds of it).

considering you have made such a huge generalisation , I will make one too:

little girls are bossy, far too independent, they snatch, take control - I could go on. I would much rather be in a room of little boys toddling around than little girls. They do not love back like little boys do. Little boys are are so kind, gentle, offer the most wonderful hugs and kisses. Girls have many more issues at school with friends. Boys just get on with it.

mother / daughter relationships whilst can often be good, can also be very fractious. A mother / son relationship is not as fragile.

I accept this is a generalisation, but you’ve made one too.

The whole a man goes off with his wife thing - for heavens sake get real. Your son might not get married, and if it does he might not end up with a wife. You must be a terrible daughter in law to have taken your son away from his parents!

God can't we just be grateful for healthy babies? Particularly if it's taken you a while to get one? Why on earth would you be disappointed just because your child comes out with a penis? Absolutely weird and desperately sad that there is so much disappointment for baby boys.

Just enjoy your baby and your journey into motherhood.

I have a boy. If I had another, I d want a boy. Isn't it strange? I mean I think my preference is probably irrational too. But - My boy is extremely cuddly. He is outdoorsey and fun. He is funny. He doesn't care what he is wearing. He likes very active play (think wrestling, which can get a bit... ). But Im sure there are plenty of girls like that too! I guess the cliche is that as girls grow they turn into friends or something?

Also - I know I don t have to worry about the sort of crap I encountered as a child/young adolescent. Catcalling. Being sexualised by older men. Creepy comments etc etc etc. That is a BIG plus of having a boy.The dangers of misogyny are much less (though not zero of course - and I do have to worry about bringing him up not to be involved in it).

I’ve got 2 boys, they are brilliant.

my eldest is 16 and he’s just a terrific young man - clever, hardworking, gentle and kind

the youngest is 13 and cracks me up, he’s so funny and kind hearted

I was disappointed with a boy too but he is
just the most lovely cuddly little person. He’s every bit as unique and wonderful as my daughter. I think it’s the stereotypes that really are the issue. I was scared about raising a boy because of all the talk of rough and tumble but the reality is lovely.

@Greentartanbow01 i would also say that if you have a daughter you risk becoming extremely disappointed with her - you clearly have high expectations of being very close to her - If you’re close to your mum it will be natural for you to think you’ll therefore be close to your daughter. But you might not be. She might prefer her mother in law, and her son steals your daughter, rather than your saying.

And they both still like hugs

My boy and girl are equally as loving. My boy screamed as a baby and toddler. Is he not a boy? 🤦🏻‍♀️ People just make shit up.

Gender disappointment. I’d never heard of it before this thread and I’m surprised how many people have said they had this. To think any parent’s first thought when they’ve just given birth or had their scan is disappointment is really quite sad.

Babies are wonderful little sleep stealers, boy or girl. Daughters are delightful and Sons are wonderful. There's very little difference between the two truthfully. It's all about the child's personality, my son is my easiest child. But his personality is very empathetic and gentle, which makes it easy to have a discussions rather than arguements.

But basically you're allowed to feel how you feel when you find out the sex. Because despite what people can say about gender disappointment, it's not something to be ashamed of. Before you know the sex you have the possibility of a son or a daughter and knowing the sex means one of those potential children no longer exists. It's ok to be a bit sad about that.

You'll love your child just as much regardless. I knew my in gut my third was another son, well she wasn't. It was absolutely fine in the moment and the surprise that she was a girl was actually lovely. It's not often you get such huge surprises in life.

I agree with the pp saying get a private scan asap so if it is a boy you can come to terms with your "disappointment" before the baby arrives.

MIL assumed DH would be a girl for some reason and was "shocked" when he turned out not to be. She spent his early childhood making her disappointment blatantly obvious. Then his sister came along and he went from being a disappointment to being invisible. That's why they're not close now, not because of this "a son is only a son until he finds a wife" bollocks. Had MIL found out his sex and been forced to deal with it during her pregnancy instead of conveniently ignoring the reality that there was only a 50/50 chance of her getting what she wanted it would have been better for all concerned I reckon.