To ask for the good points to having a boy?

[Greentartanbow01]

Please could I have measured responses, I absolutely know that ultimately a healthy baby is all that matters.

I’m due a c section with my first baby next week. We don’t know the sex.

It took us a long time to get here and we never thought we’d be able to have a child, I’ve had a pretty rough pregnancy- diagnosed with many different things and had threatened first and second trimester miscarriage, plus pre-term 3rd trimester labour. Am so relieved and pleased to have made it to the gestation I am now.

In all honesty though, because of all the drama throughout this pregnancy, I haven’t really stopped and thought about the baby at the end of it 😳

In my head, the whole way through it’s been a girl. In every daydream that I’ve dared let myself have, it’s been a girl. I’ve always imagined myself with a daughter, never a son. I’m much better with girls than I am boys when I’m around other people’s children and I’m going to be honest here and say that I do have a gender preference and that is for a girl.

DH genuinely doesn’t have a preference and I believe him.

Please don’t get me wrong, I’m terrified of the baby not being healthy and I know that a healthy baby is the ultimate goal, sex really doesn’t matter and I know I’ll love my baby whatever, but I know if it’s a boy, it is probably going to take me a few hours to get my head around and mange the ‘disappointment’ (if that would be the word) in all honesty.

Part of the reason I’m less keen on having a boy is because of the saying that I keep seeing trotted out on here, about a daughter being a wife but a son only being a son until he finds a wife. In all honesty, that’s definitely been the case with me and my sibling, DB just doesn’t have the relationship with my mother that I do. They’re close enough but he sees a lot more of his wife’s mother/ family and tbh it’s pretty much the same for most males that I know.

Could posters please reassure me that that isn’t always the case and tell me why they love having a son/ sons?

Boys are brilliant. Less friendship drama growing up, mine are very sporty so we get out a lot. They are funny and kind.

You'll just love and enjoy who they are in that moment, no point stressing about what your future relationship might be like or what they might be like when they're older. Personally I had DD first and I adore her - she's kind and funny and so smart. DS is my second and his little personality is just starting to emerge and he's curious and daring and also so incredibly sweet. In the mornings he'll crawl over to me and lie quietly just snuggling and he'll sometimes shower me with these adorable open mouth kisses and my heart just melts. You really do just love them as individuals.

I agree with others that you should try and get a scan to find out the sex now as it sounds likes it's a source of stress for you.

Oh and just to add, my MIL has three sons as does her SIL (divorced from her brother). All the boys are so close to their mothers. I think it more depends on the individual personalities of everyone involved.

DH and I wanted a girl, really, and I admit to being ever so slightly disappointed when we found out at 20 weeks that he was a boy. But he's nearly 4 and I absolutely wouldn't change him. I see my friends with their girls and just think it would be really odd, I'm so used to my little boy!

Honestly, once they're here, you won't care.

I have a boy and a girl, and they aren't much different in terms of personality and attitude. The main differences have come from outside pressures, so DD faced huge pressure at around the age of 10 to be interested in fashion and music and "teen" things, which made her unhappy. I also have to have pretty grim conversations with DD about sexual harassment and assault and drink spiking and safety and consent.

I’m not sure if you are imagining things like face masks and pedicures with a girl and despairing of having to watch football with a boy, if so forget those ideas, children shouldn’t be pigeon holed in to gender roles.
One of my teenage sons and his friends love a pamper night, I’ve ended up buying them a supply of face masks so they stop using mine and they all ask me to do their eyebrows, they also play sports, have girlfriends and I love how physically affectionate they are with each other.
I’m so glad toxic masculinity has seriously diminished with this generation, boys are great and honestly so much less drama than girls!

I have both a girl and a boy, we waited for 12 years for the boy to arrive. He's the little apple of my eye. For more affectionate than DD.

You don't always have the wife's family closer than your own as a male. We see the pics 5 or so times a week. It just depends on the relationship

Same as @Beezknees here. My mum would spout the 'your best friend is your mum' nonsense to me when I was growing up. She wasn't. My mum was lovely but annoyed the backside off of me and couldn't keep a secret for love nor money. So I told her very little about my life other than the general things. I certainly didn't confide in her - I had my actual proper best friend for that. Still had a nice relationship with her but going shopping together? Nope, didn't happen I'm afraid. Two totally different people. Probably because she was very much a girly woman and I never have been so there wasn't much room for girly chats as I was growing up.

I was much closer to my dad. It's not a gender thing, it's a personality thing. I could talk to my dad for hours, he was very quiet but interesting. My dad was much more laid back, less dramatic than my mum so, if I had a problem, I went to him. Whatever it was then got sorted out quietly rather than a sort of running about throwing your hands in the air sort of talk I'd get from my mum.

My DS and I are close. He's 15, easy to be with, loves snuggling up to me or his dad even now. Independent but enjoys going for days out with either of us. I'm happy to think that, if he gets married or into a long term relationship, I won't be number one. I shouldn't be. That's not the way I've brought him up.

Our DS has his own group of friends, we're not among them and nor should we be. As long as he enjoys our company we're happy.

Ultimately your child's sex doesn't determine their personality or character so girl babies and boy babies are not such a different thing.

Growing up as a teenage girl is shit at the moment so a boy wouldn't have to deal with quite as much shit.

Is your MIL alive? Talk to him about how he's neglecting him relationship with his Mom and how he needs to try harder. Then he'll be a positive role model for future sons about maintaining a good relationship.

I don't worry about my three sons ignoring me once they wed because they see how close we are to Dad's Mom as well as my Mom, they see DAD sort her presents not me, they see DAD call her etc. That's much more useful than "boys are so loving and sweet" etc.

They’re the same as girls. They’re just children.

Everyone thought I was having a girl - my DM and MIL were both 100% convinced. DS is now 6 😂.

He is a very happy little boy with lots of cuddles. He generally prefers the company of men and boys (in terms of friends and grandparents) except when it comes to me. He is usually sitting or lying on me at home. He is also a ball of energy that never shuts up!

I don't think the sex makes a difference though - it is their personality.

Lots of luck with your CS and little one

I have one of each but my first is a boy. I did feel that I wanted a girl and I’m embarrassed to say that I felt a pang of disappointment after we found out the sex at the scan. It only lasted about half an hour though. When he arrived I couldn’t believe that I felt that! He’s just perfect and I love him so so much for who he is. I feel exactly the same about DD. It really doesn’t matter and I promise you won’t care a bit. Congratulations.

I hate other peoples children regardless of sex but I love my own, I dont think others kids have any baring on anything.

I have boys and they are just the best

I haven't voted as obviously YABVU on a logical, objective level, but being told so 300 times isn't going to help you emotionally at this point.

I really liked the very first reply to be honest, and just reiterate that when you have your own baby there in front of you, you will just think of them as your little person. It won't matter what genitalia they have. Most parents just have this overwhelming love for the little miracle they have given life to.

I think this is nonsense
Part of the reason I’m less keen on having a boy is because of the saying that I keep seeing trotted out on here, about a daughter being a wife but a son only being a son until he finds a wife.
Not my experience with ds, not my experience seeing the relationships between my brother and our Mum, or my Dad and his Mum or my BiLs or my nephews or my friends' sons or my son's friends.

I only have one DD but I’m married and we see a lot more of my MIL than we do my parents.
Ive heard that expression a lot too but I’ve also heard the stereotype of difficult mother/daughter relationships with adult DDs quite abit. I think with DDs, as a mother you have to be more aware of letting them be their own person and not a copy of you. Just like a dad would have to be aware of that with a son.
Your relationship with either will be built by you both, nothing outside of that relationship will affect it ultimately.

It is, I like some people see a baby boy and see "omg you'll want to oppress my daughter, rape her, abuse her, silence her when she's older. Life would be better for her without you*

Little boys are just the sweetest. They love their Mummy's so fiercely. I have a boy (almost 2) and I can't wait to watch him grow into lovely young man. Agree that maybe you should find out the sex just to get used to the idea of a little boy if that's what you're having. It may help the bonding process as it doesn't always happen straight away (took several months for me). Either way you'll be an amazing Mum. Good luck!

At the end of the day, there are no guarantees with any child or family that things will go a certain way. My Dad has 2 sisters and he was the only one that stepped up for his parents, he was a very caring son and is a very emotionally-present parent. You might have a girl who emigrates to a different country. I have a girl and a boy and was quite hung up on 'giving' my DD a sister as I had a sister but her brother and her are so close. She's the one out playing football and running around with her friends, and he is a home body that loves to cuddle up with a movie. Children are their own people. Try to relax and enjoy it.

It is quite sad that babies are being gender stereotyped before they are even born.
Do you plan to treat your baby differently depending on their sex?

"a daughter being a wife but a son only being a son until he finds a wife."
And this is garbage.

This will be a human baby, a child who will grow up to be an adult, and there are so many characteristics of a child that are totally unrelated to biological sex.
Boys and girls can be cuddly ( my DS was far more than my DD)

I have a DD who disliked pink, loved sports, climbing trees and being loud.
I have a son who loved cuddles, cooking and reading.

Please remember that this baby is simply a child that is far more important than their chromosomes.

I had my son first, and my daughter second. They are both young adults now, and both turned out to be amazing people. But to be honest, my son was a much easier child to raise. There's an old saying that God gives you an easy first baby to trick you into having another. Maybe that's what happened to us.

Part of the reason I’m less keen on having a boy is because of the saying that I keep seeing trotted out on here, about a daughter being a wife but a son only being a son until he finds a wife. In all honesty, that’s definitely been the case with me and my sibling, DB just doesn’t have the relationship with my mother that I do. They’re close enough but he sees a lot more of his wife’s mother/ family and tbh it’s pretty much the same for most males that I know.

Sod everybody else's gender performative stereotyping OP.
You will raise your child - boy or girl - to have a good relationship with you.
What form that will take is all part of the adventure of raising a child.

A lot of it will be down to your input & example OP so don't allow the way other people treat their parents/DC to affect your own expectations for your own child.

You learn to love the things they love. Im not girly at all. I was disapointed i was having a girl. But i’ve learnt to love pink, glitter, unicorns, nails (she is THE girliest girl on the planet). To the point i was praying my second was a girl. Found he was a boy and i was gutted again. But omg i love him so much. He’s only 9 months but he makes my heart explode.

I think its natural to gravitate toward the same sex. Not wanting a boy is very common on this forum because most of us are women. If it was a male dominated forum im 100% certain that it would more common for the disapointment to be aimed towards expecting daughters.

My sweet (IVF baby) boy is 17 months old today. He shares his food with me. Picks flowers for us. Gives the best hugs, and is just learning to give us kisses too. He’s gentle with the cats. A good dancer, actually has a sense of rhythm (unlike his mummy). Has an infectious laugh. He adores people and makes friends (well, smiles and waves and chats) everywhere we go. I love him so much that it physically hurts.

While I do want as much contact with him as possible, forever (with a hope that I might one day poo in peace again), my real hope is that he meets a woman or man who treats him well and makes him happy.

They’re the same as girls, the only difference is being able to wee standing up without it running down their legs.