Stranger offering to hold baby

[Dove88]

I’ve been to a very small countryside cafe this morning with my 6 month old. There was a few people in the queue that were all together in a group. They were all women of 60+ and obviously part of some sort of social/hobby group.
I got talking to one and my DD was smiling away at her. She asked if she could hold DD whilst I ordered and got my purse out of my bag. I accepted and carried on talking to her whilst I paid etc then took DD back and said goodbye.
My other mum friend who was already sat at the table said there’s no way she would’ve allowed that. Even though I was stood right next to the woman the whole time and my judgement of her was that she was just a friendly older lady who wanted to help.
AIBU to allow this?

Perfectly reasonable and good to see the voting is so much in your favour.

Don't tell your parents how to interact with others, it's none of your business so keep your big sticky beak out of it!

You would be given very short shrift if you were my child.

Luckily your astounding weirdness is not supported by the vast majority,

How lovely 🥰. Someone offering to help in the garden centre cafe . You probably
made that lady’s day . Carry on being a wonderful human.

Your friend is batshit!

What did she think the lady was going to do to your baby.

Ahhh I think that’s lovely! My mum is older now and all her grandkids are grown up, she loves holding a baby! Anyone who has a baby around her, she’s asking to hold it!!

Also - just to add - I work in the care sector and often see very much older ladies holding and ‘feeding’ baby dolls (with actual food, not anything else!!), caring for them just like they are their own baby. It’s actually one of my very favourite things to see!

I let another mum watch my baby at a mums group so I could go to the toilet. It felt weird but so much easier! Thus situation sounds like one where I would trust the woman too

People really need to get a grip these days !! We had to take my granddaughter for OPA at great ormond street hospital when she was a few months old .We were really hungry,so we went to an Italian cafe ,baby was cuddled by the waiter and his Mum who was in the kitchen! It really is called normal human interaction…
OP you will have made that ladies day …good on you!!

@Varoty …you really will not get far in life with that attitude! Absolutely nothing wrong with human interaction and is normal behaviour!

Well I hope all the people on the thread telling you they receive such offers with gratitude will give you pause for thought the next time you're moved to patronise and dictate to your parents.
Being younger than someone else doesn't make you an expert.

I would never ask, unless I was desperate/it was utterly impossible to do what I needed to, I feel that would be rude. As in I can't expect people to want to help me. But I'd really appreciate any offers! I can't imagine you'd get any backlash, as I say I frequently offer this sort of thing, although sometimes my offer is declined, nobody has ever been rude to me for offering (including when I've not been with my kids).

Their impertinent children have decided they're now the boss and can bully their parents into siting quietly in the corner?

I have twins. I was grateful to kindly folk holding one while I fed the other when they were small. It takes a village and it’s not like she was away from you.

What did she think the lady was going to do to your baby.

ooo @Mouk probably spread her awful old lady germs.

👏👏

You've just got a different attitude towards risk than your friend does. Neither of you is right or wrong, you decided the risk of them abducting the baby or dropping it were small enough to take a chance, you friend thought the risk was higher. As it happened, it turned out OK this time.

Totally agree.

To be honest, I find it stranger that someone would be bothered enough to post about it on Mumsnet.

Just accept a difference of opinion and move on. It all seems a bit mean-spirited, especially since OP only met this woman out of pity:

The only reason I went out with her in the first place is she doesn’t have any other mum friends and I felt bad.

I see it as women helping women. We've all been there, struggling to balance a baby and purse and bags! I would certainly offer if I saw a new mum in this situation.

I literally said several times that I was not judging my friends opinion. But I was judging the way she went about putting her point across. I also said the reason I put it on mumsnet is because it had me doubting my instincts. The only bullies on this thread are people like you @Calphurnia88 who assume the worst in people with no reason

@Calphurnia88 mean spirited to ask opinions of other mothers?? You have no idea how my ‘friend’ spoke to me when I returned to the table. You need to take a look at your judgemental self. If you don’t think it was worth a post on mumsnet then don’t comment on the post

Its perfectly reasonable to post. Sometimes people react so strongly to something it can make us doubt ourselves and its always good to get other perspectives.
I think some people are identifying a little too closely with your friend's approach and may be a bit put out that the majority view is that this is more risk adverse than necessary.

Nope, I just think people have different attitudes to risk. I personally wouldn't feel comfy with a stranger holding my baby, but if a friend did I wouldn't think too much of it. Certainly not enough to comment. Or post about it online either.

I obviously don't know how your friend spoke to you OP, but what I think is mean-spirited are the responses on this thread (now at a staggering 9 pages!), ranging from calling your friend 'batshit' to a full blown PND diagnosis based on the fact she was surprised you handed your baby over to a stranger.

Can we not just accept that people have different opinions?

@Calphurnia88 yes I accept that people have different opinions. Like I have already stated twice, the reason I posted on here was because as a new mother she had me doubting my instincts, because her reaction wasn’t ‘surprise’ as you put it but horrified. I’ve seen from your post history that you have made posts asking for peoples opinions on whether or not you are unreasonable about dealing with family members holding your baby when they’re hungry/tired. How is that different from me asking this question? Why do you get to care about peoples reactions to you but I do not?

Gosh, of course YANBU to accept help from a kind stranger. I’ve accepted similar help over the years and always felt very grateful. Most people are not evil, they do genuinely just want to help out when they offer with no crazy ulterior motive.

Fair enough OP.

If your friend made you question yourself, that's not on. And given she's not a close friend I would probably not go out of my way to make future plans with her (I mean that genuinely, there are people I avoid because they have a 'my way or the highway' approach to parenting that I don't agree with).

I guess then what is triggering me about this thread is not your post, but the responses. A lot of people seem to be up in arms that not everyone would feel comfy with a stranger holding their baby, when it's just a personal preference and really not that deep. It certainly doesn't warrant a PND diagnosis, and these sorts of throwaway comments minimise those who are actually suffering from PNA/PND (by implying that any sort of 'precious' behaviour is a symptom of either). I see it far too much on here, especially in relation to new mums and its really toxic.

Course it was fine.

The only time I refused someone to hold my baby when they offered was when they wouldn't leave me alone! I'd gone on holiday with Dh, 3 kids and my mum and dad. My youngest was about 8 weeks and had just had his jabs and had a temp and was crying. I was rocking him while everyone ate then we were obviously going to switch. It wasn't a restaurant either it was a haven type holiday park with a soft play in the dining room, so not quiet!

a lady came over and kept telling me he was too cold and I should give him to her because she was a nanny. I repeatedly said "that's ok thanks, he's not feeling well" and kept explaining again but she just kept putting her arms out towards him in my arms as if to take him! in the end my mum took him and walked into a different area. The woman was so insistent it got my hackles up after, (and my mum's at the time!) But I was so tired and stressed and worried I don't know why I just kept saying thank you, we're fine instead of "go away!"