Stranger offering to hold baby

[Dove88]

I’ve been to a very small countryside cafe this morning with my 6 month old. There was a few people in the queue that were all together in a group. They were all women of 60+ and obviously part of some sort of social/hobby group.
I got talking to one and my DD was smiling away at her. She asked if she could hold DD whilst I ordered and got my purse out of my bag. I accepted and carried on talking to her whilst I paid etc then took DD back and said goodbye.
My other mum friend who was already sat at the table said there’s no way she would’ve allowed that. Even though I was stood right next to the woman the whole time and my judgement of her was that she was just a friendly older lady who wanted to help.
AIBU to allow this?

You used your judgement and it turned out fine, your friend should try and do the same, not apply blanket statements across every day life when most people are ok, with a few bad apples thrown in. How tedious for her, being so suspicious of everyone when the lady only wanted to help (maybe coming from a position of once being a young mum herself who only had one pair of hands and a wriggling baby).

You were totally right Op - ignore your friend although I do like the PP's comments about telling your friend she was as much use as a chocolate teapot!

I've let strangers help hold my babies when I needed help when they were little (all teens now!) & have held many babies for people who need help. The vast vast vast majority of people are good, decent and kind, but that doesn't make the news, so these days were constantly led to believe there are child catchers everywhere and everyone is out to hurt us! (I'm not saying that there aren't bad people around, but just to trust your instincts).

I had a woman behind me in a cafe queue ask me if she could hold my DS when he was about 9 months old. I said no. I didn’t need help with anything and I didn’t know her. I was just stood there waiting with my back to her. She returned to her table and loudly complained about me to her friends. I thought her behaviour was odd - not mine!

I've not been able to read all of this thread (MN really playing up) but I'm worried I'm not the only soon-to-be-"elderly" woman (mid-50s) who really doesn't want to hold some random baby, let alone kiss its little dribbly cheeks.
I always hold doors open for pushchairs or struggling mothers, point out if a baby's dropped something (used to pick it up but Covid), and would hold a baby if I was asked to.
It wouldn't be a great treat for me to be "allowed" to hold it, though, and I'd be keen to give it back before it possetted or something.
I loved my own children but, even when I had babies of my own, I wasn't madly keep on other people's.
Not all older women are full of baby hunger, so your friend should take some reassurance from that.

It could just be because I'm not sweet and little, more tall and acerbic.

Perfectly ok, you didn’t do anything wrong.

This.

OP I think your friend must be on here as someone has voted YABU

I'd like to see the Venn Diagram of people who are afraid to interact with anyone they haven't formally vetted with a DBS and 2 written references plus an interview, and the people who start threads saying they they don't have any friends or they have no-one to watch the toddler when the new baby is delivered, or if they have to attend a smear test or a funeral or any other place it isn't great to take a baby.

I think so 😅

I’m the eldest of five kids, so I’ve been
holding babies - siblings, cousins, my kids, grandkids - for about six decades. I’d be happy to offer help to a parent struggling in the sort of situation described.

But I rather feel that a man offering such help wouldn’t always be welcomed. Which is a bit sad, really.

What a nasty, depressing attitude to the world. I hope your parents ignore you.

Not quite the same. I was once outside with my dogs in the morning when a mother and her 2 kids were getting into the car. The toddler was obsessed with coming to see my dogs and toddler over to me. Her mum tried to call her back, but nope my dogs captured her full attention. So I offered to walk over with her and next thing you know, we are both walking back to get mum holding hands! Her mum seemed fine with it, especially since she let her child run to me in the first place! Follow your own judgments!

I traveled a bit in North Africa when mine were toddlers/pre schoolers, and strangers are very kind and friendly to them. Unfortunately my very British kids were horrified by the attention, which is sad really. I know we have to keep them safe, but as someone up-post said it takes a village.

Well said! Germs?!!! FFS.

What's an elderly lady going to do to the baby, in public, in the space of a couple of minutes, in front of a dozen people including the baby's mother?
Drop him/her? I wouldn't hand my baby to a stranger, I wouldn't be comfortable with it. I do offer help to all manner of people struggling with children or bags or lost, and am happy to chat to anyone, but the baby stays with me.
People have different boundaries, being in the minority doesn't make mine wrong, just different. I'd never have sat and watched a friend, or even a stranger, struggle.

A 61yo writes: It sure as hell doesn't! My mother who is nearly 90 is an old lady. I am not.

Yes from my baby to you.

My DD got a cold when she was about 5 months old. She had it for 3 days there as I had it for 2 weeks.

I still think she gave me Covid.

I always offer. I've been that Mum with the buggy, the bags, the kids and sometimes it's really hard. If they say no, that's fine. Mostly, they are very grateful for a few moments help.

I sometimes try a little chat as well. When mine were young, it felt like I spoke to no-one for days except OH and it was nice to have a little human contact. It also helps that I'm fairly round, so I guess there it little chance of me running away with a baby.

And when you don't have your hands full and you can see a Mum struggling, you can offer to help. Maybe they will think you are a weirdo but maybe they will be grateful. Trust your instincts and don't listen to your friend.

And that she is subliminally teaching her children that anyone other than Mummsy is wicked, they'll not be happy at school. I recall being on a very long flight and having a toddler spend a lot of time with us whilst his grateful mother dealt with his baby sibling, he came to no harm whatsoever!

I would hold a baby any chance I get ... I miss the baby stage so much

I've always offered to help with buggy, bags etc, then it's up to the mum if she trusts me to hold baby. I don't want to make anyone feel bad!

I would have no issue offering to hold a child if I saw the parent struggling. And would have welcomed it when I struggled.

No, I think people because of SM and 24 hour news are more paranoid.

And I hope your parents tell you to mind your own business with what they do

Yeah, this. Poor woman's had an eight-page character assassination, including a PND diagnosis, over a fairly unremarkable comment. Classic Mumsnet.

FWIW I wouldn't be comfy with a stranger asking to hold my baby, although the scenario OP describes sounds perfectly safe. I have no issue with friends and family holding, or strangers cooing, and I wouldn't judge a friend for allowing a stranger to hold their baby, but I would probably find an excuse (in fairness my baby is a bit particular about who holds him). I just don't think it's worth the risk, which I know I'm probably about to get flamed for 🤷🏻‍♀️

My daughter was on a bus and the lady next to her asked if she’d hold her baby while she quickly had something to eat. My daughter (19 at the time) loved it.

People are mostly nice, and if you were right there, what could happen?

People are obviously entitled to their opinion and not to have done the same; however in the situation that you've described it wouldn't bother me to have done the same. Seems like a kind gesture on the part of the lady.

Went to a centreparks type place in Belgium, arrived late with a cranky 5 yr old 3 yr old and baby. The only restaurant open was a fondue restaurant which basically involved a pot of boiling oil in middle of table in which you cooked the meal.
Starving cranky kids and a vat of danger was averted by a super kind German lady who gestured to me to give her dd and then rocked her round the restaurant for 15 minutes while I fed the boys.
I still remember her with such fondness as it made such a difference .

Really feel the chance of an elderly lady being a child abductor and stealing your baby in a crowded place is pretty slim, compared to it just being a kind person.