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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Stranger offering to hold baby

277 replies

Dove88 · 17/08/2022 13:35

I’ve been to a very small countryside cafe this morning with my 6 month old. There was a few people in the queue that were all together in a group. They were all women of 60+ and obviously part of some sort of social/hobby group.
I got talking to one and my DD was smiling away at her. She asked if she could hold DD whilst I ordered and got my purse out of my bag. I accepted and carried on talking to her whilst I paid etc then took DD back and said goodbye.
My other mum friend who was already sat at the table said there’s no way she would’ve allowed that. Even though I was stood right next to the woman the whole time and my judgement of her was that she was just a friendly older lady who wanted to help.
AIBU to allow this?

OP posts:
SheeWeee · 18/08/2022 18:27

It's a huge thing to entrust a stranger with your baby

Is it? To hold for a minute when you're right there? How is it?
I would have handed them to anyone in that scenario. I don't see how it's even a thought

Spudina · 18/08/2022 18:33

It’s totally fine!! I remember when my Nephew was a baby and we were in a Pizzeria in Italy. The waiter came over and was talking to him. A few minutes later he took him off my brother and introduced him to all the patrons. It was so cute. Not for a second did I think “we shouldn’t have done that.”

Missyc11 · 18/08/2022 18:42

yes!!

Missyc11 · 18/08/2022 18:44

Sorry my message was for a different thread. 😂😂
i have held babies numerous times when I’ve seen a mummy in need..

Justoneconfusedperson · 18/08/2022 19:08

It’s a lovely thing to do and you probably made her day. I can’t have children and I adore children, it would absolutely have made my month to hold a gorgeous little bubba for a few minutes

Kittysummer · 18/08/2022 19:12

Why didn’t your friend help in the first place?

MadMadaMim · 18/08/2022 19:30

I'm the 2nd eldest of a gazillion cousins. I've had babies around me since I was a baby and my youngest cousin is 30 yrs younger than me. Over the years, from my late teens, I've offered to help with random babies - in queues, on buses whilst mum folds pram/buggy, out a children's/family places eg parks, play centres etc. Even in a city centre shopping centre where n a mum looked exasperated and at the centre nd of her tether with a toddler and baby - I was with my then primary aged children ld and offered to hold her baby whilst she tended to the tantrumming toddler. I've never given it a second thought or considered it in any way strange until l reading your post.

The same has happened to me sitting in the middle of town trying to sort my baby out who suddenly had projectile bodily fluids from both ends. A very kind lady offered to hold her whilst I got my shit together to deal with the shit coming from my baby. I was very grateful.

I'm northern - don't know if that makes a difference

MommaDuck · 18/08/2022 19:39

I think this is lovely. My mum has some learning difficulties (relatively high functioning, but not always great at social etiquette and cues), she loves animals and small children. They really make her smile and I know she’s found it very difficult that mine are grown up now.
She always fusses over young children and babies, I am always conscious to remind her about personal space because I know some people can be offended by this (her cooing over them etc).
But it makes my heart smile when a momma is receptive to my mum and allows her to interact with their small baby or child. Back in the day she would pop a 50 pence peace in their hand and tell mum to get them a small treat… I think those days might be gone now because this generation is so offended all the time. I remember the days when it was ‘it takes a village to raise a child’.
I’ve advised her to step back sometimes as she is not always able to gauge a parents response if the attention is unwanted. But if someone offered her a chance for a cuddle whilst they were sorting their pram or paying or something, it would make her whole day- actually it would make her whole week!
Thank you for being kind and receptive to this lady. I bet you made her day. Sometimes we often forget how lonely the elder generation can be. We all need touch and affection and a there is nothing more heart warming than a babies smile!

LaMarschallin · 18/08/2022 19:51

Sometimes we often forget how lonely the elder generation can be.

These 60+ women out having tea in a hobby/social group?

I assumed she was being kind to the OP by offering to hold the baby.

LaMarschallin · 18/08/2022 20:01

I mean women aged 60+.
I doubt the very small cafe would have squeezed 60 women in.

McClaire · 18/08/2022 20:02

But what if someone gave their baby to a stranger to looking after the baby for a few minutes and the stranger disappeared with him/her?

Luredbyapomegranate · 18/08/2022 20:05

It’s fine
It’s up to you
You probably made that woman’s day
And taught your daughter about people
Your friend is neurotic

Luredbyapomegranate · 18/08/2022 20:06

McClaire · 18/08/2022 20:02

But what if someone gave their baby to a stranger to looking after the baby for a few minutes and the stranger disappeared with him/her?

Ah yes those ladies in cafes who run like the wind and have brilliant contacts with Turkish white slaver networks

Don’t be silly @McClaire

Justrestingmyeyes1 · 18/08/2022 20:08

YANBU at all. I accepted all offers of help when my two were babies.
on holiday in Egypt a few years ago we were sitting next to a family with a 6 month old baby. Baby was fussing and mum was struggling to eat whilst trying to settle her. Husband oblivious and just carried on eating and looking at his phone. I’d finished my meal so offered to hold the baby while mum ate hers. She gratefully accepted so got to eat a hot meal and I got to have some lovely cuddles with a beautiful baby. Win win really.

Skodacool · 18/08/2022 20:09

I once looked after a baby for a mum whose toddler needed a wee and the store wouldn’t allow her to take him to use their toilet. She was hesitant but I guess she figured a 73 year old with a bad hip wasn’t going to run off with the baby and taking the toddler outside to wee was better than the alternative.

Timeturnerplease · 18/08/2022 20:17

I think it’s sad that life is making this kind of thing a cause for suspicion. The older generation are much more relaxed. MIL looks after DDs while I work, and often comes back from a coffee at the bakers saying that DD2 spent the whole time sitting on the counter eating gingerbread men with the owner.

I wonder if it’s because we live in a village, but many people in the bakers/shop/chemist/Post Office have held my DDs for me over the years when I’ve had my hands full and it never occurred to me
to worry about it.

CelestiaNoctis · 18/08/2022 20:23

I understand from these comments and votes how serial killers get people now. No, I definitely wouldn't leave my child with a stranger, even an unassuming type.

onlythreenow · 18/08/2022 20:37

How on earth did we get to the stage where everyone (even relatives - most usually in-laws) are a danger to babies/children? It's ridiculous. It's not been uncommon throughout the whole of my working life - yes, even now, it happened last week - for people to leave their babies in reception with me (who they've never met before) while they nip to the loo, out to their car etc. YANBU OP.

Skinnermarink · 18/08/2022 20:38

CelestiaNoctis · 18/08/2022 20:23

I understand from these comments and votes how serial killers get people now. No, I definitely wouldn't leave my child with a stranger, even an unassuming type.

That’s not really how serial killers operate to ‘get people’.

Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 18/08/2022 20:40

CelestiaNoctis · 18/08/2022 20:23

I understand from these comments and votes how serial killers get people now. No, I definitely wouldn't leave my child with a stranger, even an unassuming type.

This is one of the silliest things I've ever read on Mumsnet. How many serial killers are discovered to be women in their 60s using a hobby group as a cover? How fast do you think this 60+yo serial killer would have had to be to run out of the cafe with the baby, leaving the baby's mother, who is probably half her age, for dust? For goodness' sake, use some common sense. Your child will not benefit from growing up in an atmosphere of constant fear and suspicion. We can't be afraid of everyone and everything or we drown out the genuinely suspicious things and risks.

This is what the OP said:

^There was a few people in the queue that were all together in a group. They were all women of 60+ and obviously part of some sort of social/hobby group.
I got talking to one and my DD was smiling away at her. She asked if she could hold DD whilst I ordered and got my purse out of my bag. I accepted and carried on talking to her whilst I paid etc then took DD back and said goodbye.^

SarahJane83 · 18/08/2022 20:41

I had to ask a random woman in Lidl carpark
to hold my baby once because someone had parked right up against my car so I needed to back it out before I could put baby in. I just had to trust my instincts and picked someone who looked trustworthy. Of course you never really know what people are like, but if you perceived the lady as a nice old lady who meant no harm, then so be it. Nothing wrong with what you did. It’s your call to make.

dcthatsme · 18/08/2022 20:48

Wow did she think the woman would run off with your baby or quickly abuse her while you were standing right next to her?

Goldbar · 18/08/2022 20:55

I'm absolutely horrified to hear about all these 60 year old serial killers disguised as innocent hobbyists drinking tea in cafes while staking out their (baby) victims. I didn't realise that they meant "You're so cute I could just eat you all up" literally. When I next take DC out to a cafe, I'm going to view everyone around me in a new light. And if I overhear talk of pilates or the knitting comes out, I will grab DC and back out slowly before calling the police.

NannaKaren · 18/08/2022 21:46

How kind of the lady and how nice of you to let her get a little cuddle.
we all like to be useful, and kindness kindness kindness xxx
win
win

wentworthinmate · 18/08/2022 22:00

Your friend is weird. What on earth did she think the lady was going to do??

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