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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Stranger offering to hold baby

277 replies

Dove88 · 17/08/2022 13:35

I’ve been to a very small countryside cafe this morning with my 6 month old. There was a few people in the queue that were all together in a group. They were all women of 60+ and obviously part of some sort of social/hobby group.
I got talking to one and my DD was smiling away at her. She asked if she could hold DD whilst I ordered and got my purse out of my bag. I accepted and carried on talking to her whilst I paid etc then took DD back and said goodbye.
My other mum friend who was already sat at the table said there’s no way she would’ve allowed that. Even though I was stood right next to the woman the whole time and my judgement of her was that she was just a friendly older lady who wanted to help.
AIBU to allow this?

OP posts:
xogossipgirlxo · 17/08/2022 13:58

Why didn't your friend offer to help then? It's the small gestures that make society better.

Coffeaddict · 17/08/2022 13:58

I travelled through an airport alone when DS was younger than that. The security person held him while I sorted out bag ect. I was so gratefully.
Its your baby so your radar of safety ect is what matters.

OldTinHat · 17/08/2022 14:00

YANBU

tenbob · 17/08/2022 14:01

Varoty · 17/08/2022 13:43

The older generation think nothing of doing this, but times have changed. I’m always telling my parents to stop interacting with strangers and getting involved in stuff that isn’t their business. I would have said no thanks and wouldn’t have let them hold my baby.

genuine question…Why not..?

HPandTheNeverEndingBedtime · 17/08/2022 14:01

Before I drove and got the bus everywhere Id always get up and offer to hold the baby for mums struggling to get on whilst attempting to fold pushchairs with baby on hip, I was that mum once and its such a small thing to do but makes a huge difference.

What did your friend think was going to happen to your child?

monsterastuckiosa · 17/08/2022 14:01

Varoty · 17/08/2022 13:43

The older generation think nothing of doing this, but times have changed. I’m always telling my parents to stop interacting with strangers and getting involved in stuff that isn’t their business. I would have said no thanks and wouldn’t have let them hold my baby.

Times have changed because of people like you.

Let's change them back.

saraclara · 17/08/2022 14:01

What's an elderly lady going to do to the baby, in public, in the space of a couple of minutes, in front of a dozen people including the baby's mother?

Exactly. The lady was even in a group of people who clearly know her.
Your friend is paranoid..

FiddleFigs · 17/08/2022 14:01

I'd definitely do it and have been glad to have had the help when I needed it too.

I always remember my first time travelling solo with DD, when she was a toddler. I was loaded with large backpack, bag, toddler and buggy, and came to a set of escalators. Before I had a chance to look for the lift, a lovely lady swooped DD up in her arms, and a couple of guys took the buggy and backpack - and in the end I went down the escalator holding only the passports 😂Most people are lovely.

SE13Mummy · 17/08/2022 14:01

What a shame for your friend that she wouldn't have felt comfortable accepting the same help and so won't model to her own child that most people are kind. When my children were younger, I accepted offers of help that involved strangers holding my DC and I'm always happy to offer help now they're older. In fact, whilst in a changing room recently, I offered to hold a very young baby whilst their mum got into her swimsuit. The two slightly older children thought this was very funny and kept saying that the baby had stopped crying for me but had been screaming at its real auntie who'd been holding her prior to them coming into the changing room.

Original poster
Dove88 · 17/08/2022 14:02

Thank you all! Thought I was going abit mad to be honest and was doubting my instincts

@QforCucumber that was my thought when she said it! Her baby was happy in his pram and her coffee already on the table but she just sat there and watched it happen then acted like I was a terrible mother! The only reason I went out with her in the first place is she doesn’t have any other mum friends and I felt bad

OP posts:
SE13Mummy · 17/08/2022 14:02

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

Derbee · 17/08/2022 14:02

Skinnermarink · 17/08/2022 13:47

And your ‘friend’ would have horrified at me when I let a lovely elderly lady bounce my baby on her lap while I went to the loo on the train.

I’d be horrified by that too! Although not horrified by OP’s situation. I think being out of sight is a beyond what I’d find ok

saraclara · 17/08/2022 14:03

Varoty · 17/08/2022 13:43

The older generation think nothing of doing this, but times have changed. I’m always telling my parents to stop interacting with strangers and getting involved in stuff that isn’t their business. I would have said no thanks and wouldn’t have let them hold my baby.

Your parents sound normal and nice. You on the other hand sound odd. I hope they don't listen to you, and carry on add they've always done.

namnamnam22 · 17/08/2022 14:03

Sometimes when I’m in a shop with my 11 month old trying to find my card whilst not dropping my keys etc, I just WISH someone would offer to help me for even 5 seconds 😂

RemusLupinsBiggestGroupie · 17/08/2022 14:04

Varoty · 17/08/2022 13:43

The older generation think nothing of doing this, but times have changed. I’m always telling my parents to stop interacting with strangers and getting involved in stuff that isn’t their business. I would have said no thanks and wouldn’t have let them hold my baby.

This is silly.

Attitudes like yours are why the world is a slightly less pleasant place. Social interaction is a good, normal, nice thing imo.

OP - you were absolutely not being unreasonable.

When my eldest was a couple of weeks old, we went out for a pub lunch. The landlady held her whilst weep and I ate egg and chips. It was bliss to eat with both hands! Grin

CoreyTaylorsbiggestfan · 17/08/2022 14:04

If I see a parent struggling as they do not have multiple arms I always offer to help, whether to hold their child/bag/carry their try/push their pushchair. I thought this was normal in cafes etc! Oh well! I've been grateful for people who have offered!

Goldbar · 17/08/2022 14:05

Your friend should try folding a buggy on a bus if no one offers to hold the baby. Since you have to hold on otherwise you risk losing your balance around the corners, the only safe way to do it is to lie the baby on the floor on a blanket and pin them between your feet to stop them rolling around while you fold the buggy one-handed. DC has been held by many strangers on the bus!

Dipsy12 · 17/08/2022 14:06

My MIL ended up watching someone's toddlers for them in an airport once! Can't remember why but the mum was travelling alone and had some issue she had to go off and resolve

10HailMarys · 17/08/2022 14:07

Totally normal and fine! What on earth did your friend think the woman was going to do with your baby while she was holding her? Eat her like an apple? Fire up a rocket pack and jet off to Mars?

If your friend wants to be neurotic about that kind of thing, let her crack on. But she shouldn't be trying to share the paranoia with the group.

I don't think I've ever held a stranger's baby for them but I've definitely helped loads of people get kids upstairs in pushchairs and I've entertained a tiny toddler on a plane so their mum could use the bathroom. I had an empty seat next to me and the toddler started climbing on to it and the mum was trying to prise her off with one hand while trying to wedge a toiletry bag under her arm with the other so I suggested she just leave her in the seat and I would keep an eye on her.

catandcoffee · 17/08/2022 14:07

Dove88 · 17/08/2022 14:02

Thank you all! Thought I was going abit mad to be honest and was doubting my instincts

@QforCucumber that was my thought when she said it! Her baby was happy in his pram and her coffee already on the table but she just sat there and watched it happen then acted like I was a terrible mother! The only reason I went out with her in the first place is she doesn’t have any other mum friends and I felt bad

Maybe there's a reason she doesn't have any Mum friends. 😉

CoreyTaylorsbiggestfan · 17/08/2022 14:07

@Varoty I think I would like your parents!

10HailMarys · 17/08/2022 14:08

Varoty · 17/08/2022 13:43

The older generation think nothing of doing this, but times have changed. I’m always telling my parents to stop interacting with strangers and getting involved in stuff that isn’t their business. I would have said no thanks and wouldn’t have let them hold my baby.

You seem nice.

Oh wait, sorry, I got that wrong. I meant your parents seem nice. You don't.

TheWayTheLightFalls · 17/08/2022 14:08

Gosh I accept offers of help (twins!) wherever I can!

Another twin mum here. I've been known to practically throw one of them at a nearby postman when I'm trying to get out of the house.

WinterMusings · 17/08/2022 14:09

Varoty · 17/08/2022 13:43

The older generation think nothing of doing this, but times have changed. I’m always telling my parents to stop interacting with strangers and getting involved in stuff that isn’t their business. I would have said no thanks and wouldn’t have let them hold my baby.

Leave your parents alone. Be weird on your own time.

RedRobyn2021 · 17/08/2022 14:10

I mean I wouldn't feel comfortable with that personally

But it's your baby, the lady sounds perfectly nice harmless. Don't let your friends comment get to you.