Stranger offering to hold baby

[Dove88]

I’ve been to a very small countryside cafe this morning with my 6 month old. There was a few people in the queue that were all together in a group. They were all women of 60+ and obviously part of some sort of social/hobby group.
I got talking to one and my DD was smiling away at her. She asked if she could hold DD whilst I ordered and got my purse out of my bag. I accepted and carried on talking to her whilst I paid etc then took DD back and said goodbye.
My other mum friend who was already sat at the table said there’s no way she would’ve allowed that. Even though I was stood right next to the woman the whole time and my judgement of her was that she was just a friendly older lady who wanted to help.
AIBU to allow this?

weeblueberry... kudos to you for thinking of something to sing! I would have been dumbstruck as I don't know the words to anything - and certainly not on demand.

I once sat with a 6 month lass on my lap for 20 mins whilst her parents are their lunch. The friend I was with was amazed I didn't know them but she was the only one there who wasn't happy about it.

I think we can safely say this was a joke. Yes, stranger abduction happens but think of the statistics before you let it affect your life.

Look at the US, which has higher rates than here (but easier to find stats online). Per year, 840,000 children are abducted there. But only 350 of those abducted under 21 (so even including those we’d consider adults up to 21) are by actual strangers. Only 350 out of almost 900,000. And some of those are resolved in minutes (snatch and grabs which are then thwarted). You’re probably in more danger handing your baby to your ex-spouse/partner, if they are unhappy with custody arrangements, or ex-spouse/partner’s parents, if any of them are established or living in a foreign country (a vast majority of kidnap is parental abduction and the hardest ones to sort are international). www.reuters.com/article/us-wisconsin-missinggirl-data-idUSKCN1P52BJ

Im absolutely not judging my friend for her perspective, everyone has boundaries. I am however slightly judging her for the way she criticised me and made me feel. I’ve not had cause to jump into protective mother bear mode yet so I was just abit worried I was missing that reflex 🤣

The train was presumably between stations. Do you think the old lady was going to run and hide, sexually abuse the kid or hurt them?

I did the same in New York when a lady was struggling with her her pram, her baby (who she was holding) and bags of belongings up the stairs of the subway while trying to stop her older child from running off. I was hoping for a hold of the gorgeous baby but had to humph the buggy up the stairs instead! 🤣

everyone has boundaries. I am however slightly judging her for the way she criticised me

I'm a lot less likely to swallow comments like that from friends, and i would have probably said "well you were as much use to me as a chocolate teapot, some friend you are" and then put up with whatever the consequences were (which may have been "gosh, sorry, of course! baby brain" or something)

Your friend can live in her own little paranoid bubble of distrust and unfriendliness and you can exist in your level headed existence.

I bet holding your baby made that lady's day!

Ask your dozy friend what she thinks could happen.... ? I bet she won't be able to answer.

@Goldbar
Your comment totally resonates with me. If one has a baby and a toddler and a buggy and is getting in a bus , possibly also rummaging for purse, 2 hands are insufficient. It is normal behaviour to offer help and equally normal to accept it.We are not islands in the world.

You missed the obvious sarcasm.

Why do you feel its your place to tell your parents how they should act and who they should talk to?

Why do you feel its your place to speak on behalf of all the people who presume wouldn't want your parents to talk to them?

It's a difference in approach is all. I would let a stranger hold my baby.

A friend of mine would never allow that, something about germs. I'm of the 'build the immune system' kind and could not care less if a person touched my child.

I go about life my way, she hers.

You did no wrong. Once an older lady held my baby while I did a wee in a public loo. Once a man on the street took my baby off me and gave her a kiss!! Obviously that was not okay but I lost zero sleep about it. My friend would probably still be traumatised to this day wondering if he would break out in hives from it years later.

So your happy to let times change in to more unfriendly and distrusting times? You're happy with that?

Why would you not have let a sweet older lady hold your baby...?

Just offer to help and see what gets handed to you.

She sounded a perfectly decent woman.
Your friend is just being a bit paranoid.
Maybe her baby isn't a smiling 'Social' sort, who rarely gets interaction from strangers?

A 60 plus woman is unlikely to abscond at Usain Bolt speed with a babe in arms, you were right there at all times, and used your judgement.

That's adorable. I joke my twins are safe to leave as no one is bloody crazy enough to steal them and if they did, they'd bring them back with coffee and cake for me.

The suoermarket with the good baby change but no loo has stupid ladies loos it's hard to get a single into. If I need to pee, it's ask someone nicely or leave them unattended.

Sometimes you have to live in the world you hope you're living in.

I think your friend needs to get a grip. She sounds odd.

We were sat outside the beer tent at Lambeth county fair once and a woman rushed up to DP, handed him a baby and disappeared into the crowd. We were all a bit stunned and just sat there with the baby until she reappeared about 20 minutes later! Never did find out what was going on ...

I think it’s great someone wanted to help you and yes I offer to help hold babies or bags of shopping off a bus

@Hugasauras Similar happened to me when my baby was a few weeks old, screaming his head off after swimming and a woman held him while I got myself dressed. I think about it quite often ❤️

@Dove88
Also, your little daughter was ''Smiling away'' at the women who made the offer.
Babies, like animals tend to have quite good innate knowledge is someone is 'OK' or not.

A friend's well socialised, friendly calm dog wouldn't let a certain man touch her, and kept moving away from where he was sitting.
This man later murdered his wife a short time later {Was in press
Within recent times}
..If something is really ''Off'' animals and babies can seem to sense it on a subliminal level.

Survival instinct? Who knows..

I've done it for people on public transport. I don't even like babies but they seem to like me!

I think it’s fine. I remember when I had DS in 2003 and they still had buses with steps and a pole to hold on to. The amount of times I had to hand him to a stranger or the bus driver whilst I got the buggy and shopping on 😬 So much easier now they have the low buses that you can get a buggy/wheelchair onto. DS made it out unscathed and plenty of old ladies seemed to enjoy cooing over him 😆

What’s changed?

It depends on your baby too, surely? If baby is frightened or anxious of strangers then no I wouldn't have allowed it nor would I have cared what the lady or my friend thought.