Stranger offering to hold baby

[Dove88]

I’ve been to a very small countryside cafe this morning with my 6 month old. There was a few people in the queue that were all together in a group. They were all women of 60+ and obviously part of some sort of social/hobby group.
I got talking to one and my DD was smiling away at her. She asked if she could hold DD whilst I ordered and got my purse out of my bag. I accepted and carried on talking to her whilst I paid etc then took DD back and said goodbye.
My other mum friend who was already sat at the table said there’s no way she would’ve allowed that. Even though I was stood right next to the woman the whole time and my judgement of her was that she was just a friendly older lady who wanted to help.
AIBU to allow this?

YANBU at all. I feel sorry for your friend, most people are kind and it’s great for babies and children to have social confidence

Can you provide stats on how many serial killers are women? And how many are opportunistic enough to loiter in public waiting to be handed a child? Oh and how many only target kids under 2? Let alone all of those together

I used to love being in a cafe with my baby and an older woman offering me to give him a hold while I had my cup of tea. In fact I started going to a particular cafe knowing that I would get a cuppa tea in peace while baby got cooed over

It’s up to your judgment not your friends. More fool her if she doesn’t accept help.

All this.

But surely @CelestiaNoctis is being sarcastic ?

Another one that I have to presume is being sarcastic ? No ?

I mean - the woman was standing right next to the OP.
I am kind of presuming it would have been noticeable to the OP if this lady started sidling towards the door in an effort to leg it down the street, or leap into a waiting getaway car ?

Or do you think the plotting was so elaborate that she had dug a hole under the cafe floor and placed a trapdoor over it so she could press a release button and disappear in front of the OP's eyes, like in a cartoon ?

I can't see a problem with this at all. And I often offer to hold a baby in a public place (please don't call the police, I promise I'm not a serial killer). I am however a nursery nurse, work in a school and run several breastfeeding groups. As a mother of two who has been 'that woman' struggling to hold a baby, herd second small child, get my purse out of my bag and try to carry food and drinks to a cafe table, I was forever grateful for the kind people who offered to give me a helping hand. Also, many mums who attend the breastfeeding groups always comment about the 'random strangers' who help them when they're out and about with small babies. Bizarrely, non of those mums have ever commented that 'random stranger' has ran away with their baby while they collected their coffee and cake!

One observation, your friend watched this and did not offer you help? Or have o git that wrong?

In any case, YANVU

YANBU.

Nope. It was kind the lady offered you help. I once held a baby for a mum in a public loo.

I remember recently getting stuck in a train up to the lakes from London with 9 month old DS- we got stuck on that train for 7 hours. I was SO grateful to the grateful to the ladies who helped me keep a squiggly baby happy for that length of time, and enabled me to be able to go to the loo and to drink a hot cup of tea and eat a sandwich. It would have made a stressful situation far, far worse if I’d shunned those offers of help and tried to struggle through by myself.

First quesion...why in the fuck would anyone want your baby?
Second question...you're standing right next to them....wouldn't you just, mad thought here, not fucking let them?

Christ, some of you are hard work!!

This is what struck me.

Omg you have your baby to a WEIRDO STRANGER WHO'S PROBABLY AN ABUSER whilst I just sit here leisurely sipping my tea. What's wrong with YOU?

I’m the crazy lady who offers help.

I’m a middle aged (gulp!) paediatric doctor and I forget in public I don’t have a badge on like I do at work that basically relies parents I’m safe with their kids!

I spend a lot of my professional life cajoling kids into doing things they don’t really want to do (cannula. Ct scan) so offering help on an escalator/ in a coffee shop is only a small leap.

To offer a rationale explanation, it's not a stretch to consider that maybe the configuration of the cafe meant that the friend would be leaving her own baby on their own in their pram in order to help her friend order a coffee.

Considering she's not comfy handing her baby over to a stranger, I'm gonna take a wild guess and say she probably wouldn't want to leave her alone at a table in a cafe either 🤷🏻‍♀️

Could you cite any instances of that happening?

Yeah, looking again, I think maybe so…

Totally normal. As mum of a 5 month old who likes to be held 24/7 I'm very grateful to anyone who helps! What's the risk? The woman hardly likely to run off. On the otherhand what I'm not cool with is when friends pass her to their children to hold without asking as they may drop her

Completely normal and unremarkable. Women have been doing this for one another for millennia. It's sad that it's becoming thought of by some as 'creepy' or 'weird' but then there are some parents out there who won't let strangers or even relatives even touch their babies because of cooties or paedophilia or something.

As a side note, the older woman who offered to hold the baby for a few seconds may well just really like babies, perhaps want or miss her own grandchildren, and why not indulge that too? I work at a baby feeding drop-in and we're always being asked - or offering - to hold a baby while the mum goes to the loo, etc. All perfectly nice and normal.

I was on the bus with my 3 DS's once (littlest in the pram) when another mum with a tiny baby got on. Driver asked her to collapse the pram or wait for the next bus. I stood and offered to help as she struggled one handed to put the pram down. She promptly thrust her newborn into my arms, packed away the pram and thanked me profusely. A little help goes a long way. I held the baby while she got off as well. I probably would have done the same. I suppose we should all just trust our own judgement where our children are concerned.

If she had grabbed your baby out of the pram and taken them to sit for tea at her table then taken the baby to change their nappy … that would be unreasonable
she asked, you said yes, it’s all good 😊 bet that little old lady loved it

I’ve had lots of help with kind strangers. My twins are 3 now. When they were very young an amazing lady bought me a coffee when I’d stopped in Starbucks to feed them. She held one whilst I gave the other one a bottle. Just last week we were in Scarborough for the day and a lovely older couple offered to help one of my DT’s on to the tram. She sat with them until we got to the top. (My other DT definitely wouldn’t do this she eyes everyone with suspicion 😂)

I think in your situation there was zero risk and it was a very nice gesture.

Your friend is being unreasonable. I’ve had an older lady in a cafe who could see me struggling but offered to keep the pram still not the baby. I don’t see the problem it’s not like she was going to run off

What you did was perfectly fine, I offer help frequently most of the time it's accepted gratefully and I get a cuddle 😂 my eldest is 25 no sign of grandkids so I'll take all I can get.

Although in some ways it also takes a village to police a village. Everyone minding their own business all the time can lead to things that need flagging up going unreported as everyone thinks someone else will do it.

@Dove88 I think it's lovely that the other woman offered to help. I remember being about 12 in a queue in Woolies and there was a woman with a baby in the pram in front of us and I asked to hold her very small baby. Was very chuffed when she let me. Got told off by my mother for asking though :)