Stranger offering to hold baby

[Dove88]

I’ve been to a very small countryside cafe this morning with my 6 month old. There was a few people in the queue that were all together in a group. They were all women of 60+ and obviously part of some sort of social/hobby group.
I got talking to one and my DD was smiling away at her. She asked if she could hold DD whilst I ordered and got my purse out of my bag. I accepted and carried on talking to her whilst I paid etc then took DD back and said goodbye.
My other mum friend who was already sat at the table said there’s no way she would’ve allowed that. Even though I was stood right next to the woman the whole time and my judgement of her was that she was just a friendly older lady who wanted to help.
AIBU to allow this?

This thread is full of ageism. But then MN always is.

Many years ago, my very buttoned up, single, middle-aged, be-suited boss offered to help a lady on the London Underground who was struggling with a (empty) pushchair, baby and bag; (lift out of order). He asked if he could help, expecting to be handed the pushchair , and was given the baby. He held it at arms’ length for the trip down

Travelling recently through an airport similar scenario, mum travelling alone struggling to collapse pushchair whilst holding baby and a toddler, I was just about to offer help when a female security person asked if she could help and mum handed her the baby, the female security person was beaming from ear to ear holding what was an absolutely gorgeous baby that was smiling and gurgling, I think it made her day.

Mum was like you @Dove88 (and others on here) sensible, relaxed and grateful for the help.

I offer to help when I see mums struggling and am usually handed the baby or toddler, never the bags and I am very happy to be trusted so.

I never touch a stranger's baby these days. I was brought up in London after WW2 where people knew their neighbours and babies were left outside shops in their prams. We were brought up to fuss and look after younger ones.

But this was a group of women having coffee, not a single person so I think your judgement was sound in this instance.

When DD was younger I always went into M&S cafe as the older ladies were always so keen to be helpful and were always full of lovely comments re DD! I’d have done the exact same as you and frequently have!

Your mum friend is within her rights to be frightened of strangers holding her baby. Her need to tell you about it, implying that you did something wrong because you don't share her fears, makes her pretty poor company.
As for the pp who's proud of telling her parents not to talk to strangers ---- how overbearing!

YANBU. Takes a village to look after little ones - it's a shame that nowadays we have reason to distrust people (always listen to your instinct, though). Babies think I'm hilarious for some reason (probably just my face), so if I can help out a flustered parent for a minute by holding them I do.

I have two kids under 5 and nothing like this has ever happened to me, but I wish that it would!! I would LOVE people to help me out a little bit like this, especially since I've had the second one, when I am out with both of them, sometimes it can be just so awkward just little things when you are one-handed carrying the baby but the older one needs assistance with something too etc and people can clearly see me struggling cos I don't have 10 arms and nobody ever offers. Well, friends and family sometimes do. I have offered things like this to other parents loads of times before though, I would say it's been 50/50 whether they've accepted or just politely said "oh no, I'm fine thanks" or whatever.

YANBU. Back when DD was a baby if anyone had been kind enough to offer to hold her I would have been tempted to leg it out of the cafe never to be seen again…. She was quite a …’challenging’ baby….
My kids are older now and I’m quite wary of offering to help another mum because of getting a response similar to one your friend would give. I offered to help a woman with her pushchair on some steps a while ago and she practically spat “no!” in my face so it’s really made me revise approaching people and offering to help I’m afraid.

Can anyone remember the last time someone did a runner with a baby. No, nor me.

What did your mate think she would do with the baby.

somE mums are so weird , they think their offspring are so adorable that everyone wants to run away and steal them but that couldn’t be further from the truth

Most people are more than ready to give them back after a couple of mins 🤣

I offered to help a woman with her pushchair on some steps a while ago and she practically spat “no!” in my face so it’s really made me revise approaching people and offering to help I’m afraid.

Unless this happened 10 times, I don't see why one negative experience would put you off entirely. I offer to help if I see someone struggling. Sometimes people take me up on it, sometimes they politely decline. I have once had someone recoil in horror. I just shrugged and moved on.

we were at a hotel in Italy when our DCs were about 4 and 5 and every morning the owner would come in at breakfast time, and invite them into the kitchen to help him with something only children can do (i was a bit sus the first time so followed them - turned out it was giving a bottle of milk to about 5 or 6 molly lambs they had). He then gave them some yoghurt and chocolate milk and brought them back when we were having our 2nd cup of coffee. We had lovely relaxed breakfasts that year.

(for anyone about to have connipations: there were other kids there who also joined in, there were plenty of other staff around, and they were visible from the dining room window)

I’m always telling my parents to stop interacting with strangers and getting involved in stuff that isn’t their business

What a lovely society you are creating for your children.

I think it’s lovely. I recall once being in a Drs surgery (and he wanted me to do a urine sample). We’d been waiting ages and DD was grumpy, she was still cute and little though, about 6 weeks. I could not face dragging her to the loo with me so I actually asked a lady who had accompanied her own teen DD to the surgery to have travel injections (we’d been chatting) if she’d mind holding her. She bit my hand off. The pleasure on her face as she crooned over my DD gave me such delight.

Please just ask! Most of us mums of adult children would love to help but are frightened of the backlash!

Oh my, what lovely memories.

Seems like you think that, not me.

When DS was only few months old I went to public toilets, the cubicle for mother and child was out of order and the buggy wouldn't fit in standard ones. Another mum approached, with a young boy and a newborn in a sling and offered to wait with my son while I used the toilet. I was taken aback for a minute but she looked me in the eye and said I know how hard it is, we should all help each other. I get teary just thinking of it. I went but could hear her and her child chatting the whole time. We talked for a few minutes afterwards too. I'll always offer to help another parent now, anyway I can.

Please don't not every mother or person you offer to help is like that.

Really? You don't think your parents should make their own decisions?

Millions?

Any chance of you popping a source on here for that, luv?

Or was that irony?!

Sounds perfectly normal to me. I've held countless strangers babies while they fetched their food or got the pram on/off public transport / took the toddler to the toilet (and vice versa). It's good social training for babies and children to feel relaxed and confident with strangers introduced by their parents, and to see their parents accept kind help.

WTF??? 😳