Stranger offering to hold baby

[Dove88]

I’ve been to a very small countryside cafe this morning with my 6 month old. There was a few people in the queue that were all together in a group. They were all women of 60+ and obviously part of some sort of social/hobby group.
I got talking to one and my DD was smiling away at her. She asked if she could hold DD whilst I ordered and got my purse out of my bag. I accepted and carried on talking to her whilst I paid etc then took DD back and said goodbye.
My other mum friend who was already sat at the table said there’s no way she would’ve allowed that. Even though I was stood right next to the woman the whole time and my judgement of her was that she was just a friendly older lady who wanted to help.
AIBU to allow this?

I travelled lots with 3 under 5. Lots of people carried my babies and toddlers up and down stairs for me when getting on and off planes, held them at security etc. I think covid has lots to answer for too

Really sweet of the stranger. I was so tempted to hold a screaming baby on the plane behind me recently because the mother was crying as she was so tired and has a headache and her husband did nothing to help. But I didn't. I distracted her a little but I think if I asked the stranger with the baby shall I hold her for 2 mins she would have gladly accepted. What a nice place you live near :)

Millions of babies a year are captured by 60+ women in cafés

Damn, that puts paid to my lucrative little side-line selling captured babies to boost my pension. I might as well throw away this white wig and my shopping bag on wheels.

I would have been happy with this when mine were little.
However, if it the situation was reversed and I saw someone struggling with a baby and pushchair, I would always offer to help fold the pushchair rather than hold a stranger's baby. I would worry that the mum would feel uncomfortable.

I have held lots of babies for complete random strangers. Once was at a bus stop, I did offer to fold the pram but she asked if I could hold her baby instead. Another time in a restaurant with Dh and my children were waiting for their desserts. The couple on the next table literally had their food delivered to their table when their once sleeping baby woke up. The Mum deflated with a heavy sigh so I asked her if she wanted me to see if I could settle the baby. She said yes so fast. So I sat with a tiny baby in my lap and told the Mum there was no rush. It was lovely.

I have helped feed toddler legs into supermarket trolley seats too.

Strange to think that once Mums helped Mums. Weird that your friend thinks it is a creepy thing to do.

Op could have said no.

Your parents can interact with whom they want!

If they are involved in stuff that isn't their business then it's up to the others concerned to tell them to butt out!

Isn't it just called offering to help out?

Aaaah this reminds me of the time I offered to hold a woman's baby while she nipped into the toilet cubicle for a pee and I felt the need to sing to it the entire time so she knew I wasn't running away with her newborn 😂

Totally fine for you to feel okay with this. Totally fine for your friend to not feel okay regarding her own baby. I certainly didn't let random strangers hold DC when he was tiny but everyone's different. Posts like this just get people frothing over how ridiculous and unreasonable your friend's perspective is, btw.

I used to go to a cafe near my GP when dd was a baby & all the staff would take it in turns to hold her while I drank my tea stuffed my face with cake I knew she was safe and nobody batted an eyelid, it just felt like a community.

Goodness you do sound a right old misery guts. The world would just grind to a halt if everybody stopped helping out. How do you think charities operate? By looking the other way?
Unclench a little.

That was really thoughtful of you. Must have given the mum that reassurance. 😊What song did you sing?

My toddler’s nappy blew up in marks and Spencer, and I had to leave my whining twins in their giant pram cos it wouldn’t go through the door to the toilet. Miraculously loads of M&S granny types appeared and and had a lovely go of them. I sorted out eldest and came out to find the twins sitting on knees bashing the till buttons. They asked if I could come back the following week!

Your friend is barking.

“Where’s ya mamma gone?”

<gosh I’m on fire today!>

It’s very sad that any young mum would feel so paranoid that she wouldn’t trust an older woman to hold her baby for five minutes in a queue.
My previous church had a creche, and the older ladies practically fought to get on the rota so they could cuddle all the babies! It makes their day, and most babies enjoy a bit of human interaction from an adoring older fan!

When my DS was small I was always grateful for any help. Older ladies held him whilst I got stuff out of a taxi, or if I had bags and trying to get on a bus and once when he was screaming a shop down and I was trying to find his bottle in among everything else. I was probably one of the most over protective mothers on the planet and I was grateful for any help.

If I saw a mother struggling I would offer to hold their child (in full view of them obviously).

What does your friend think the lady was going to do in full view of you in those few minutes?

😂

Honestly I don't remember because it was a few years ago now but this probably isn't a million miles off because I remember my 5yo daughter looking at me horrified and asking why I was dancing with the baby!!

In that situation, it was clear that the woman would be very unlikely to pose a threat to your baby. There were many indicators that she was trustworthy, so YWNBU to trust her.

Strange of your friend to tell you otherwise. She must always see danger where it doesn't exist, to feel compelled to "correct" you.

If strangers hadn't offered to hold DD and DS on buses, I'd have had great difficulty folding prams. This was especially true when I had my arm in a sling for a bit!

. You can't assume that every person who shows an interest in your child is going to assault them, kidnap them or otherwise ruin their lives.

Whether your friend believes ot or not the vast majority of people are just seeing you struggling and offering to help.

why though?

I was desperate for a wee, DS is happy with anyone who will smile back at him.

Where was an elderly lady going to go to on a train, she can’t exactly leap off. It was twenty minutes to the next stop. All her luggage is in the rack for one thing. And there’s other passengers. And cctv.

Its just risk assessment.

plus it really made her day. She called him a dear little lamb and gave me £1 to buy him an ice cream when he was older 🤣

Now that I think of it, when we were travelling and DS2 was just a baby, we stopped at Pizza Express and 10week old DS2 was getting cranky. We had no buggy and he was too little for a high chair. So our waiter waltzed him around the restaurant while I ate my pizza, God bless him. I emailed head office afterwards, and I used his name.

I am in my 60s now and always gratefully accepted when mine were little. However now I tend not to offer after a mother declined once as she "didn't know me from Adam" - this was in the school car park and I taught her daughter. Certainly put me in my place - no good deed etc (or offer of a good deed in my case).

I so pleased that most of the replies are positive because as an older woman I have always tried to help mothers with young children because I have been in their place in the past. It is rewarding to be helpful to others and it also means I can have a quick cuddle and then hand the baby/child back to their parents!

Your friend is just one of those horrendous mothers who can't let anybody else do something that they personally would not do. If you dare then you will have judgement heaped upon you.

I would have done as you did, OP. The beauty of your decision is that it was yours to make. Entirely yours.

Not at all! I remember being about 15 and holding a baby while the mum folded the buggy to get on the bus and have done it frequently since. It’s nice to be nice