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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Parent caused a scene in public. AIBU to be so angry

244 replies

Celia24 · 16/08/2022 19:18

About 4 years ago I went on holiday with family and my dad caused a huge fall out. There had never been arguments before & it took years to get over. Since then they've been trying to convince me to go on a trip with them again and I've balked due to previous behaviour. But last 2 years have been great.

My mum just had a big birthday so we planned a celebration for her, I bought expensive theatre tickets and my dad covered the cost of really nice accommodation. All this trip she's been very short with both of us (more than usual) but generally ok the rest of the time.

We've been away for nearly a week and tonight is our last night. Went for a nice meal when my mum got angry at something my dad had said. An over reaction imo.

Within ten mins she had attacked both of us, finally throwing her napkin on the table and about to storm out. We begged her not to and she stayed but cried, drawing attention from waiters and others. I quickly got the bill and left my meal. Felt so embarrassed.

I've had a stressful time at work and this was meant to be my respite. I can't believe she would do this, I think it shows a selfishness and disrespect for me, and I'm considering going grey rock with her as soon as this is over. AIBU?

OP posts:
BOOTS52PollyPrissyPants · 16/08/2022 20:24

I would just put it down to experience and never go away with the both of them again. Talk to your mum and ask her is everything ok at home with your dad. Maybe just have a day out with them individually instead. Sounds awful but for some reason they both behave awful when you are all out together so just avoid trips away.

Original poster
Celia24 · 16/08/2022 20:24

@CandyLeBonBon the point is that they apologised to me before and promised a future break would be different.

After the outburst my mum said 'clearly we can't all go on holidays together anymore'. They are my parents and I'm still a young woman. I think that's really sad.

OP posts:
Teateaandmoretea · 16/08/2022 20:25

After the outburst my mum said 'clearly we can't all go on holidays together anymore'. They are my parents and I'm still a young woman. I think that's really sad.

Most adults don’t go on holiday with their parents

CandyLeBonBon · 16/08/2022 20:25

This is the first time she's done it with me. I just refuse to participate in this dynamic tbh..

You keep changing what's happening! One minute she's attacking you and has form and the next minute her and your dad are always screaming at each other. Your mum may indeed be a narcissistic dick, equally your dad might be as well. Maybe they both are but your accounts of their behaviour keeps varying so I'm not convinced that any of you are particularly covering yourselves in glory tbh.

CandyLeBonBon · 16/08/2022 20:26

How old are you op?

5128gap · 16/08/2022 20:28

You sound very invested in an ideal of family life that doesn't match reality, and seem disproportionately disappointed when your expectations aren't met.
You're an adult child accompanying your parents on a trip for the benefit of your mother. Few people would expect that to go off without a cross word or irritation from anyone.
People on holiday bicker. They get over stimulated, stressed, tired, annoyed with each other and upset.
Unless behaviour is truly offensive or intolerable, its not the end of the world. It shouldn't need to ruin anyone's holiday, and certainly shouldn't lead to a long term grievance or this 'grey rock' business you're considering. You roll your eyes, grit your teeth and know you'll be back in your real life in a day or so.
Then you decide whether the bad outweighed the good, and if so, decide its not for you, and you won't repeat the experience. That's all that's necessary, surely?

Sisisimone · 16/08/2022 20:28

The best way to deal with these attention seeking arseholes is to just let then go and carry on enjoying your evening. By begging her to stay she got what she wanted, all attention on her and everyone else's night ruined. I'm guessing this is far from the first time this has happened

Dreamwhisper · 16/08/2022 20:28

A week was too long and too ambitious.

If you want to do stuff altogether make it a weekend max next time.

Johnnysgirl · 16/08/2022 20:28

Celia24 · 16/08/2022 20:24

@CandyLeBonBon the point is that they apologised to me before and promised a future break would be different.

After the outburst my mum said 'clearly we can't all go on holidays together anymore'. They are my parents and I'm still a young woman. I think that's really sad.

How old are you? Why is it necessary to holiday with your parents?

willstarttomorrow · 16/08/2022 20:28

From your OP I was left with the impression something had happened that 'tilted' the dynamics on your parent's relationship and your mother had reacted out of frustration/end of tether. Your updates suggest this is a toxic relationship or characters stuck in a pattern of sniping/belittling.

If it is the former then, whilst upsetting it is more a cause for concern rather than anger. The latter- then if they do not want support to end the situation then you have every right to be angry but also just to go into self preservation mode if they will not do anything to help themselves.

BowiesJumper · 16/08/2022 20:29

They both sound exhausting! Sorry you have to deal with this.

titchy · 16/08/2022 20:29

Celia24 · 16/08/2022 20:24

@CandyLeBonBon the point is that they apologised to me before and promised a future break would be different.

After the outburst my mum said 'clearly we can't all go on holidays together anymore'. They are my parents and I'm still a young woman. I think that's really sad.

You still seem to be under the impression that it's their role to take you on a nice holiday. It's not.
You're an adult. Don't you have your own friends you could go in holiday with?

Original poster
Celia24 · 16/08/2022 20:30

Johnnysgirl · 16/08/2022 20:28

How old are you? Why is it necessary to holiday with your parents?

Show quote history

As I said before my mum wanted to go away as a family for a significant birthday - which was fine with me in theory.

OP posts:
mycatisannoying · 16/08/2022 20:31

You sound pretty dramatic too, OP ...

PollyRockets · 16/08/2022 20:31

Teateaandmoretea · 16/08/2022 20:25

After the outburst my mum said 'clearly we can't all go on holidays together anymore'. They are my parents and I'm still a young woman. I think that's really sad.

Most adults don’t go on holiday with their parents

And?

Many still do as they *shock like their parents

Original poster
Celia24 · 16/08/2022 20:32

titchy · 16/08/2022 20:29

You still seem to be under the impression that it's their role to take you on a nice holiday. It's not.
You're an adult. Don't you have your own friends you could go in holiday with?

Show quote history

Yes and I've been on holiday with friends and will be again later in the year.

I know plenty of people my age who still take trips here and there with parents or family from time to time.

OP posts:
Sisisimone · 16/08/2022 20:32

Teateaandmoretea · 16/08/2022 20:25

After the outburst my mum said 'clearly we can't all go on holidays together anymore'. They are my parents and I'm still a young woman. I think that's really sad.

Most adults don’t go on holiday with their parents

Actually I'm 50 and have been on numerous trips away with parents and pil. I'm fact have just come away from a really lovely weekend with parents, siblings and partners. I dont think there's anything wrong in feeling sad that that's no longer an option for you.

Johnnysgirl · 16/08/2022 20:33

PollyRockets · 16/08/2022 20:31

And?

Many still do as they *shock like their parents

Show quote history

Unlike op, it would appear 🤷🏻‍♀️

WTF475878237NC · 16/08/2022 20:33

Poor form criticising the OP for even wanting to holiday with her family. That is irrelevant although it is very common in my circles too.

CandyLeBonBon · 16/08/2022 20:35

Being angry isn't out of character and as far as I know she's fine. She inherited her short temper from my grandfather.

on numerous occasions now my parents have caused terrible arguments, once screaming at each other in another public place while with me.

She has started fights numerous times.

They will happily argue and snipe and not care how it affects me. It's awful.

This is the first time she's done it with me. I just refuse to participate in this dynamic tbh

So THEY argue and snipe and cause you a problem but it's ONLY your mum who starts it!?

Who begs you to come away? Mum or dad?

Sisisimone · 16/08/2022 20:35

Cross Post OP, I get it. We go away on our own just me DH and DD, away with other families and away separately with friends but I really love having a lovely trip with my parents

MGMidget · 16/08/2022 20:36

I think he may have hit a raw nerve and the question in my mind was did he do it thoughtlessly or on purpose. He must know her well so ought to know if something is going to wind her up. What you though wasnt bad enough to cause her reaction may have had more significance to her than you know about and, as others have said, he could have been chipping away at her for a long time and that was the final straw. If she was my mum I would be wanting to know the back story that lead to that reaction before taking such a negative view of her.

5128gap · 16/08/2022 20:36

Johnnysgirl · 16/08/2022 20:33

Unlike op, it would appear 🤷🏻‍♀️

Show quote history

Indeed. OP wants to holiday with the parents she wished she had rather than the ones she actually has.

Original poster
Celia24 · 16/08/2022 20:37

@CandyLeBonBon both of them do the 'please come on holiday with us' routine equally.

OP posts:
LubaLuca · 16/08/2022 20:37

Celia24 · 16/08/2022 20:24

@CandyLeBonBon the point is that they apologised to me before and promised a future break would be different.

After the outburst my mum said 'clearly we can't all go on holidays together anymore'. They are my parents and I'm still a young woman. I think that's really sad.

I think that's standard, not sad. Most young adults wouldn't want to holiday with their parents. Go and do your own thing, it's much less stressful.

Your parents seemingly are not happy in each others company and adding you into the mix simply makes one more person embarrassed about the drama.