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AIBU?

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Original poster

To ask my kids to watch my toddler in the garden coke 10 minutes

156 replies

sadandlonely2022 · 16/08/2022 14:09

So I asked me 15 and 16 year old daughters to watch my 3 year old in the back garden whilst I sort lunch and the 15 what old trashed the living room because she said 'why me' and started whining at the fact I asked her to do something, i took the iPad away and she kicked off trashing the living room. Then I asked my 16 year old she pulls her face and said she's 'getting dressed even though she was already decently dressed ' half an hour later o just go tell her to forget it coz she's obv won't help, she went mad because apparently she's 'getting dressed'
All I asked for was 10 minutes help
My older kids never get dressed to go out and that means me and my toddler and 6 year old son are stuck in all day coz my 10 years old can't be arsed either. I'm sick of it I can't just walk pit and leave the 10 year old alone at home to go out.

They said 'it's my child' so why should they help, whilst I have to clean wash clothes and make meal all day like a slave and get nothing back

Feel like walking away my life is awful and pointless and I am actually start to regret having kids

OP posts:
Icecreamandapplepie · 16/08/2022 14:11

This reply has been deleted

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PutinIsAWarCriminal · 16/08/2022 14:13

How many have you got? It sounds a bit out of control and overwhelming. It wouldn't have hurt for the older ones to help out.

CanofCant · 16/08/2022 14:13

It can be hard when you have children of different ages. Is there more to this though? Are they usually happy teens or is there a backstory and a reason they behave this way?

ChagSameachDoreen · 16/08/2022 14:14

Why do you allow them to behave like that? They sound feral.

Original poster
sadandlonely2022 · 16/08/2022 14:14

I'm a single parent so I don't have that extra second pair of hands. They are always like this since their dad left. They don't listen to me anymore

OP posts:
Justwantanicepeacfulholiday · 16/08/2022 14:16

15 year old looses mobile phone and iPad for a week for trashing the living room. 16 year old looses them for 48 hours for talking back to you.

you need to lay down the law - whilst they are living under your roof eating your food they will help around the house. Otherwise you’ll take away Wi-Fi and devices.

WallaceinAnderland · 16/08/2022 14:16

No, it's not a lot to ask but based on their attitude I don't think you can trust them with the responsibility.

SmileyClare · 16/08/2022 14:16

Teenagers are very trying.

Put a consequence in place for your daughter trashing the front room, that's unacceptable and needs a suitable punishment.

I think it would be fine to leave the ten year-old at home and pop to the park or something with the youngest children.

44PumpLane · 16/08/2022 14:16

If your 15 and 16 year old aren't contributing in any meaningful way what are the consequences?

Show them how to launder their clothes then stop laundering their clothes, stop giving them pocket money unless they earn it through meaningful contributions at home.

Stop paying for their mobile phone contracts or tech unless they do certain jobs for you.

The 10 year old similarly could help out, unloading the dishwasher is a perfectly reasonable job, tidying their room, putting clothes in the laundry etc.

It'll be hard to start with but don't back down. Unfortunately they are doing this because many teens can be totally selfish dicks!!

FlibbertyGiblets · 16/08/2022 14:17

If you've got time to argue with a 15 year old you've got time to bring the toddler in the kitchen and set them to 'help' by buttering a piece of toast or whatever and save an afternoon of angst.

The 10 yr old will need chivvying along, granted, but grit your and get out with all 3 10 and unders.

Is Dad helpful?

Unexpecteddrivinginstructor · 16/08/2022 14:18

To be honest I would leave the 10yr old at home with his sisters. Take the younger two out to the park. At 10 they will be walking to school independently soon and there are 15 and 16yr olds at home who sound as if they need to grow up a bit and take on some resposibility.

user478965227857 · 16/08/2022 14:20

It would be nice if they helped out but they're right that you chose to have 5? Kids and it isn't their responsibility

Original poster
sadandlonely2022 · 16/08/2022 14:25

Dad isn't helpful now, has the kids when him and his wife can be arsed

Yeah it may not be their responsibility but asking my 16 year to help out shouldnt be too much to ask, I'm not asking her to clean the whole house

I still make her lunch for her when she is capable of doing it herself but I still do it but I get nothing back

OP posts:
Witchofthenorth · 16/08/2022 14:25

user478965227857 · 16/08/2022 14:20

It would be nice if they helped out but they're right that you chose to have 5? Kids and it isn't their responsibility

You may be right, they didn't chose to be in a large family, but my agreement with you ends there. They should help out, it's being part of a family and will help them when it comes to teamwork later on in life. They aren't the other childrens responsibility granted, but in order to function relatively peacefully, they all need to muck in.

OP it isn't too much to ask them to help for ten minutes and I really really feel for you. Others are right, there has to be consequences for trashing the room, and to other for answering back and it's going to be tough but you need to stand strong.
I have 4 and was a single parent when they were all much younger, it's not wrong of you to want or expect an element of everyone pulling together.

Carrieonmywaywardsun · 16/08/2022 14:26

If you resent them for being a mother and doing tasks a parent should do then of course they'll act out. They're clearly struggling if this has happened since their dad left. Have you tried talking to the older ones, seeing if they're okay? And maybe try to make things easier around the home so you don't have kids babysitting your other kids

CharlotteCollinsneeLucas · 16/08/2022 14:26

Speaking as a mother of four, yes it's really hard work and I too regret having more than I can handle by myself. I agree with pp that the older ones need consequences. 15yo should tidy up the room to its pre-trashed state. At the very least.

But it's nonsense that they're trapping you in the house. Put clothes for 10yo in a bag and out you go with the younger three. 10yo can get dressed discreetly when they get embarrassed about being out in pjs.

capricorn12 · 16/08/2022 14:27

Your daughters sound very unhelpful and you weren't asking for much but teenagers are often like that and you can waste a lot of time and energy trying to change them. In my experience they usually become more human again from about 18. On the other hand what would you normally do with the toddler when your other children are all at school?
School holidays are long and hard with so many of them at home so I can understand your resentment at their attitude but the younger children are not their responsibility. You are not unreasonable to be disappointed with your teenagers but it's your ex you should be angry with.

user478965227857 · 16/08/2022 14:28

@Witchofthenorth it would be nice if they help out but they're not obliged to offer childcare.

sunsetsandsandybeaches · 16/08/2022 14:32

sadandlonely2022 · 16/08/2022 14:25

Dad isn't helpful now, has the kids when him and his wife can be arsed

Yeah it may not be their responsibility but asking my 16 year to help out shouldnt be too much to ask, I'm not asking her to clean the whole house

I still make her lunch for her when she is capable of doing it herself but I still do it but I get nothing back

Then I would stop making her lunch, and the 15yo. Let them get on with what they want to do, and just deal with the younger ones.

hedgehoglurker · 16/08/2022 14:33

It sounds like a very stressful situation for all of you.

Unfortunately, the teens are right that it's your child. They didn't ask to have so many younger siblings. That was a decision made by the adults.

Trashing the room was clearly wrong and of course it would be nice if they helped you. I would assume that they are also deeply affected by their father leaving.

You can probably leave the 10 year old home for a little while, if they are sensible. Especially if the teens are also home and aware. They won't have to look after a 10 year old in the same way as they would a toddler.

I hope you find some better ways to manage the difficulties you are having, for a happier and more harmonious family life. Do keep posting for support.

EmeraldShamrock1 · 16/08/2022 14:37

They're disrespectful little brats.

I understand teenagers can be turbulent but OTT.

Don't let them away with it, completely ignore them, if you have to feed them do it silently.

It'll show them they can't treat you like crap and get away with it.

Leave them at home 10 including the 10 y.o and take the 6 y.o out.

Leave some snacks, make plans for tomorrow morning and go.

You've my sympathy teenagers are be worse than toddlers sometimes.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 16/08/2022 14:41

They don’t have to watch their sibling, sure . But you don’t have to do 101 things for them - they can make their own lunch if it’s “every woman for herself”. They do have to have access to the WiFi and to devices, if they aren’t going to pull their weight.

By all means leave your 10 yo with her sisters if she won’t get dressed. Or if you want the 10 yo to come with you, have age appropriate consequences for her for not getting ready.

Time to get a bit tougher OP!

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 16/08/2022 14:42

Should be - they don’t have to have access to devices!

My point is, if they want all these “perks” they should be prepared to mind the toddler for a few minutes.

SoSoSusan · 16/08/2022 14:43

I took the iPad away and she kicked off trashing the living room

A 15 year old? What did you do?

I know this is likely to be unpopular (illegal blah blah) but I'll be honest. If my 14 or 12 year old started doing this (I'm assuming 'trashed' means throwing stuff around or breaking things) then he'd be feeling the back of my hand sharpish. And I say that as someone who doesn't hit their kids at all. But if you want to behave like a feral animal, you can damn well be treated like one.

After my initial reaction I can only imagine the punishment I'd give for such disgusting behaviour would be at least a fortnight of being completely grounded and every single bit of tech removed.

It's sounds like your dc treat you like dirt because you let them and have done for so long this type of behaviour has been normalised. Stop letting them behave like animals, lose your fucking shit and come down on them like a tonne of bricks would be my advice.

tiggergoesbounce · 16/08/2022 14:53

This sounds like such a tough situation as i can imagine you have all been through alot.

Did you at one point have a good relationship with your daughters wheee they would have liked to have helped you?
I personally dont think siblings should be left to take care of eachother and a good point a PP made, im not sure i would trust them to do it if they were so reluctant to.

I think trying to work on your relationship with the older kids is important, so they don't want to see you stressed and struggling.

But, im afraid in the short term, if our DS trashed our living room, i dont care how old he thinks he is, he would be in his room, no screens at all. For a long enough time for it to sink in they dont get to treat you like that.