To ask my kids to watch my toddler in the garden coke 10 minutes

[sadandlonely2022]

So I asked me 15 and 16 year old daughters to watch my 3 year old in the back garden whilst I sort lunch and the 15 what old trashed the living room because she said 'why me' and started whining at the fact I asked her to do something, i took the iPad away and she kicked off trashing the living room. Then I asked my 16 year old she pulls her face and said she's 'getting dressed even though she was already decently dressed ' half an hour later o just go tell her to forget it coz she's obv won't help, she went mad because apparently she's 'getting dressed'
All I asked for was 10 minutes help
My older kids never get dressed to go out and that means me and my toddler and 6 year old son are stuck in all day coz my 10 years old can't be arsed either. I'm sick of it I can't just walk pit and leave the 10 year old alone at home to go out.

They said 'it's my child' so why should they help, whilst I have to clean wash clothes and make meal all day like a slave and get nothing back

Feel like walking away my life is awful and pointless and I am actually start to regret having kids

It's hard to know what I'd do but I wouldn't be standing for that. I think I might consider dropping the older 2 off at their dads and telling them they can come back when they feel up to apologising for the way they behaved today and acting like decent nearly adult human beings going forward.

Why are you making lunch for them
Let them make their own
And force your 10yo to come with you on days out

These Kids think they are the shit
But they are just shit. Not the shit haha.
Seriously op. Start acting like a parent and step up

They have learnt that if they kick up a fuss they won't have to do it and you tell them to forget it. Change the way you react.

I don’t think siblings should be used for childcare.

But these are so rude and entitled.

I wouldn’t give them the silent treatment or hit them as PPs have suggested as that will only escalate their behaviour but I would be sitting them down and explaining how difficult it is having a toddler and a 10 year old as a single parent and that they should be the two that are easy. You don’t ask them to do much and you shouldn’t have to beg them to watch their own sibling for 10 mins.

How long ago was it that you and their dad split up?
Did you end the relationship or cause the end of the relationship?

It sounds as though they are all very angry either at you or you’re just getting the brunt of it because they’re closest to you.

The 10 y/o concerns me.
Teens are difficult but a 10 y/o should be doing what they’re told.

If any of my children behaved like this they would have all mobiles etc removed until the start of school.
Being a teenager is no excuse to be disrespectful to their home.

You need to start setting boundaries as it's as you have lost control

I also can't believe the people that are saying the older ones don't have to look after the toddler.

You are a family you all work together and help each other out, I am from a large family and we all had jobs to do around the house and if I was asked to look after my younger siblings it would never of entered my head to refuse

"§ 1619 - Services in home and business
As long as the child belongs to the parental household and is brought up or maintained by the parents, it is obliged to render services to the parents in their household and business in a manner appropriate to their strength and position in life.” – Civil Code (BGB, Germany)

They shouldn't be used for childcare, but at 15 and 16 they can do their own washing and their own lunch etc.

Turn off the router.

We aren't talking about looking after the younger ones while mum goes and works a full shift, it's ten minutes while she sorted lunch. I don't see anything wrong with that. But I accept I may be in the minority.
For what it's worth, I fully expected my older ones to help out with the younger and yes I have had my eldest son when he was 16 look after his younger siblings one day when regular childcare fell through when I needed to work.
It didn't enter his mind to say no, all the kids knew that everyone had to pull their weight to make the house run.

Usually though, if they were minding their siblings it was to allow me to pop to the shops quickly or let me get dinner organised.

Each to their own though.

I don't expect my teenagers to look after my toddler but I do expect them to do something to help and include it as a choice then they often do picking watching younger sibling as the easier option.

you have five kids? I think it’s clear they don’t wish to look after their younger siblings, and to be fair I agree with them in that, they shouldn’t have to, at all, but they should also behave respectfully and be able to say no and that’s it.

I think the point people are making is that the teens never asked to have multiple younger siblings, so they shouldn't be roped into doing the care for them.

Of course they should do housework - dishes, cooking, laundry, emptying the bins, stripping/making beds etc, but I would argue that care for siblings is the responsibility of the parents who chose to have them to start with.

You've had 5 kids that's a personal choice. Are they all to different dads? You said their dad's left? It sounds chaotic but typical self-indulgent behaviour of a teenager. Obviously kicking off is not on and should be punished. Being 1 of 5 kids and one parent must the very hard especially when you want to do your own things and been asked to care for a sibling.

All the comments about this one incident are missing that this is your life right now. The family has struggled since dad left and one consequences isn't going to fix that. You are going to have to do a lot of work to get your family back on track and you don't have a lot of time because of the ages.

First thing I'd do is stop the transactional stuff. I cook lunch so you babysit. No. It's designed to induce guilt and guilt makes teenagers avoidant. Buy some parenting books, go to classes, work out ways to help your children grow up well. It's very difficult but putting in a huge effort to change things now will help in the future.

Change the internet password until they have done what you have asked, 10 minutes is not unreasonable at all. To keep them in a routine of internet access and doing what asked i would give all 3 one chore a day to do and until all 3 have completed that task NO ONE gets the internet then they will need to start policing each other instead of you doing it....good luck OP x

When I was 15, my widowed mother worked full time and new baby brother was in day care nursery. When I got home from school my task was to collect the baby from nursery , make his bottle, feed change and look after him until DM got home. If she was very late I bathed him and put him to bed. Mother (and I) had absolute trust and confidence in my childcare skills because she'd taught me herself from when he was born.

This is horrific, that’d you’d assault your own children.

op please ignore this person advising you to choose violence.

Stop doing things for them.

Seriously.

Stop it.

We aren't talking about looking after the younger ones while mum goes and works a full shift, it's ten minutes while she sorted lunch

Exactly this. Its 10 minutes of their time, it's hardly a big deal is it. All the posters saying they wouldnt ask their older children to "look after" their younger siblings are full of crap. Your telling me you wouldnt ask an older sibling to watch a younger sibling for TEN MINUTES whilst you made lunch? Give over

I'd send them to their dads OP. No way would I be putting up with one of them trashing my front room. Send the older 3 to their dads for a week or so

Is the garden safe and enclosed? Is the kitchen next to the garden? I'd be content letting a 3yo play in a secure back garden while I prep lunch in the kitchen.

Their actions today are ridiculous - I'd stop funding phones, social lives etc and tell them to sort their own lunches.

Make meals for you the 3,6&10yos and then take them out to the park. If the 15/16yos hadn't sorted the house out on my return I'd be laying down exactly how long it will be until they get their devices back. And I'd last longer than them!

Unlikely as they will just leave as soon as they can. And not look back

At 16 I didnt even live at home (neither did over half of my friends), you have zero obligation to be babying a 16 year old (regardless of what some privilaged middle mumsnets say while clutch their pearls about how will little Timothy afford a house if he doesnt live with us for free until well into his 20s/30s).

As for the 15 year old, punishment... Im not sure what punishment would be best (but a start would be being forced to tidy it even if you have to stand over her as she does it, and pay for anything broken) but you can not trash the house. If I had done that I would have been 6 foot under.

Yes they didnt choose to have 6 kids but so what? even if you only had 2 they would have to act cohiesively as a family, my teen cried when he found out I was pregnant and HATED it. yet now he automatically go to his sister to look after her if he sees no ones with her in that moment (nipped to the toilet etc...) never had to ask him to do anything.

If they where RAISING the baby (night feeds, nappy changes, been left alone with the all the time etc...) thats wildly different but watching a sibling play for 10 minutes while your parents in the kitchen cooking your dinner is not a crazy expectation.

As for the 10 year old, they dont want to get up and dressed you make them... otherwise most preteen boys would slob about unhygenic, underessed and unsocial they dont because their parents do let them.

Stop making sandwiches or doing their laundry. Take away internet if you can and don't need it. No, they are not to blame for having to share with 3 younger ones but they're on a hiding to nothing if they can't look after themselves. Start getting them involved in running the house. It'll help them when they're students/have one of their own to manage. And use the time saved to take the younger kids out somewhere.

They don't have to.

Their sibling isn't their responsibility.