To ask my kids to watch my toddler in the garden coke 10 minutes

[sadandlonely2022]

So I asked me 15 and 16 year old daughters to watch my 3 year old in the back garden whilst I sort lunch and the 15 what old trashed the living room because she said 'why me' and started whining at the fact I asked her to do something, i took the iPad away and she kicked off trashing the living room. Then I asked my 16 year old she pulls her face and said she's 'getting dressed even though she was already decently dressed ' half an hour later o just go tell her to forget it coz she's obv won't help, she went mad because apparently she's 'getting dressed'
All I asked for was 10 minutes help
My older kids never get dressed to go out and that means me and my toddler and 6 year old son are stuck in all day coz my 10 years old can't be arsed either. I'm sick of it I can't just walk pit and leave the 10 year old alone at home to go out.

They said 'it's my child' so why should they help, whilst I have to clean wash clothes and make meal all day like a slave and get nothing back

Feel like walking away my life is awful and pointless and I am actually start to regret having kids

So you mean to tell me her older children can't watch her toddler for 10 mins whilst she makes lunch for them to gobble on? Miss me with that BS please.

OP You needs to set some very thick boundaries now! No phones or tablets, stop with all the lunch making and cleaning up after them etc, if they're starving they can sort out their own food since they wanna be so useless.

Watching your sibling for ten minutes is not childcare; it's being a useful, helpful member of a household!

I don't know how you got here, but Lord only knows what I'd do with a child who trashed my house.

Keep the devices - no point giving them back now to avoid further resistance. Going forward, only do as much as is required to keep them alive. They will figure the rest out and hopefully learn to be less selfish and horrible in the process.

Stand up for yourself or they're going to make you regret everything.

sitting with my grandfather and helping him drink when thirsty etc... after his stroke wasnt my 'responsability' but I did it without question.

Sitting with my grandma when she got dementia and couldnt be left alone wasn't my 'responsability' but I did it without question.

Its what decent families do for each other, honestly I dispair for some people being so heartless to their loved ones no wonder the worlds gone to shit with 'main character' entitlement being so rife.

Take their phones and tablets and an electronic devices and lock them in the boot of your car. Change the internet password immediately and Netflix Disney etc

dont they ducking dare speak to their mother. It’s their home and a 15 year old is capable of looking after a 3 year old for an hour never mind ten minutes. I’d be bloody calling my best friend for reinforcements and laying down the law. Trashing stuff they can bloody clear it up and that’s not punishment that’s just putting it back.

jobs every morning and if they don’t like it they can piss off to their fathers

Oh god I get how draining and exhausting kids can be. I’ve been at the end of my tether more than once today with my two (toddlers) so I’d imagine more, with a spread of ages, is even worse!

Whilst the teens have been unhelpful and disrespectful, is there a reason you can’t just bung 3yo in front of paw patrol for 20 mins to make lunch? Or give him some chalk to doodle by the back door?

Teens ought to be doing their own lunches/laundry etc. so knock that on the head if they can’t be bothered to help you out!

With the 10yo, assuming neurotypical, I probably would just leave them at home and pop to the park for an hour or so. They’ll soon learn that they miss out.

The fact that 'can you keep an eye on 3yo for me while I make us all lunch' turned in to a room trashing shouting match says there is way more going on!
No, they don't have to look after their sibling, they don't have to do anything.
But respectful, polite children don't destroy rooms because they've been asked for a few minutes of their time.
As others have said, a family is a team!
Reading replies, it seems like there's no middle ground - children should either do absolutely NOTHING in the family home and be treated like hotel guests or should lose everything they posess because none of it is theirs anyway.
There most definitely is a middle ground, and at a calm point in the house, I think you need to find it- as a family!

Have you sat with them and told them how you feel?
Since their dad left how much communication have you had with the eldest two in particular about how things have changed, how they are dealing with things?

my children aren’t that old but I’m not sure I’d set about confiscating things, turning off the Wi-Fi etc that’s not going to solve anything in the long term as teenaged won’t learn to respect you this way
i don’t think it’s unreasonable to hope that they could watch a three year role sibling for ten minutes while you make lunch

it sounds very difficult but if I were in your shoes - and I am to some extent as am a lone parent to three 24/7 - I would be trying to improve emotional aspects to the relationships first here

trashing rooms is unacceptable of course it is but unless you are happy to have an essentially adversarial relationship then a longer term solution has to be found

Where did I say they can't do it?

They behave like that because you let the pm and somewhere along the line they have come to believe they can treat you like dirt and it’s ok. Sorry OP if that sounds harsh but it’s time to put your foot down. No means no, bad behaviour means consequences and house rules need followed. I have a 10 year old. He has asd and adhd and can be very difficult behaviour wise to manage. There is no way I would allow him to dictate to me if we are going anywhere or not that day. I have 2 younger children that would suffer massively if I did (age 5 and 3). His remote gets taken and he gets told to get dressed, teeth brushed and where we are going. He gets warned any nonsense he won’t get his remote back that day and I stick with it. He is currently in the middle of a 3 month iPad ban and one month Nintendo ban for being rude to me. Every but of cheek got him another day and he won’t be getting it back.

Your other 2 are nearly young adults so they need to learn some life lessons. Start with taking the hub and hiding it every time they are are rude or disrespectful to you. They don’t get access to phones etc for 24 hours but warn them in advance what will happen. Trips, days out, fun things stop till they can learn to appreciate you and what you do for them.

There is a difference using a child for child care and asking a child to just keep an eye on their little sibling for 10 minutes whilst your mum makes you lunch.

Both need to do some serious growing up. I had friends who were married, had their own house and child at your eldest dds age

I lived in an era when your eldest wouldn’t be at home to look after her toddler sibling they would be out working full time.

Pulling a face or trashing the living room because somebody asked them to do 10 minutes “work” in exchange for lunch being provided. It’s going to be a shock when they do need to get a job. F/T that is 40hours per week and will probably pay less per 10 minutes than a shop bought sandwich.

Their behaviour isn't acceptable but I do wonder what their side of things would be. 5 children, dad has left and doesn't see them much. It all sounds incredibly chaotic and as the child of a mum who resented me for being born yet went on to have more kids who she then didn't like much either, I can understand their point of view on that.

All the people posting in favour of the OP do you honestly think she just calmly took the ipad? It's much more likely there was an argument/not nice words said from both. Also the 15 year old didn't say no, OP says she just whinged a bit about having to do it. It's clear they did this because they know it works and they then don't have to do it.

They said 'it's my child' so why should they help, whilst I have to clean wash clothes and make meal all day like a slave and get nothing back

What did you say to this? Did you calmly tell them that they are right? Did you explain you are asking for and would really appriciate their help? Or did this make you angry and you started yell or telling them off?

Teens can be a nightmare and are extremely tempermental. Asking and explaining is less likely to cause a temper tantrum than demanding they help.

Boundaries. It might be hard the first few days and might even be too late. We have no TV for the 7 year old for a few days and the expectation that she helps with her 7month sibling or we don't get dinner etc! But I always ensure we get time together too and sometimes she likes to help out with chores

sitting with my grandfather and helping him drink when thirsty etc... after his stroke wasnt my 'responsability' but I did it without question.

Sitting with my grandma when she got dementia and couldnt be left alone wasn't my 'responsability' but I did it without question.

Its what decent families do for each other, honestly I dispair for some people being so heartless to their loved ones no wonder the worlds gone to shit with 'main character' entitlement being so rife.

They're teenage children. It's not their responsibility. As I've said, it would be nice if they did but it should not be an expectation.

No they don’t have to but it’s not asking a lot.

Most families actually help each other out and asking for 10 mins so mum can make everyone lunch isnt a big ask.

There is so much judgement on here about large families. Some of us have large families thrust upon us! I’m pretty sure you didn’t set out to be lone parent to 5.
I don’t understand the transactional stuff. Surely thats the bones of being a family, that we all work together to help each other?
your older kids sound selfish and nasty, and your 10 year old seems to be following suit. . I think you need to be taking the three little ones out somewhere every morning. The 2 older ones need to know what is expected of them. In my house it would be that in the week they are up and dressed by 10, responsible for their own washing and cooking 1 meal each a week. They would also have chores, I like bathroom, hoovering , casual childcare. , probably at least one thing like that each day. If they didn’t comply, they wouldn’t have tech or pocket money And if they were rude, they’d be living with Dad.
good luck

They need responsibilities but maybe not for childcare. It was your choice to have do many children, not theirs. They need set tasks/copies that are theirs to do to contribute to the family home.
I have a 3 year old if I'm home alone and need to make us lunch I leave him playing with his toys in the room next to the kitchen, why does the 3 year old need constant watching? You sound very resentful of your children, they didn't ask to be born and they didn't ask for their father to leave. It's not their fault you are a single parent to five children.

No they don’t have to but it’s not asking a lot.

Most families actually help each other out and asking for 10 mins so mum can make everyone lunch isnt a big ask.

Maybe they do, who knows? But punish the behaviour that's actually wrong. Not wanting to/ not looking after a sibling is not wrong and should not be punished, trashing a living room is.

I would sell the iPad and the proceeds go some way towards the repair works on the living room

Some of us have large families thrust upon us!

The only people who have large families thrust upon them is the children, who have no say whatsoever in the size of the family. No adult should be absolving themselves of their agency by saying they had a large family without meaning to.

Some of us have large families thrust upon us!

Sorry, you're reverting to children not adults, right?

She asked them to watch her youngest for a few minutes in the garden while she prepared lunch. Not agree to open a creche and mind her child from 9 to 5 every day.

Are they also not obliged to offer cleaning services, shopping services etc.

They're behaving like rude spoilt brats. Trashing the room because they're asked to keep an eye on their little brother? That's not normal teenage stroppiness. That's unacceptable behaviour that needs consequences.

I'm not understanding all this children shouldn't be used for childcare comments.

I agree children shouldn't be used for childcare, but watching a sibling for 5minutes while your mum makes your lunch is hardly childcare ...surely that's just part of family life!?

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