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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Girls holiday booked but don't want to go

176 replies

britishgray · 16/08/2022 11:11

I probably am being U, but I'm going on a girls holiday to Ibiza next month with 4 friends. We booked it a long time ago but as time is approaching I desperately don't want to go.

Every day I'm just filled with dread while thinking about this holiday, I have never been this desperate to get out of something it's physically making me feel ill!

There's a few reasons why I don't want to go, mainly because the friends I'm going with constantly argue and bicker when we're together so I know it's going to dampen the mood a lot, also it's going to be extremely expensive and tbh I don't have the money to spend, and thirdly I'm waiting for some hospital results which I'm not sure will come back before the holiday but this is another reason why my head is else where.

I know I can't really pull out now as we're going in less than a month, but was just hoping for some advice or any tips if anyone has been in a similar position?

OP posts:
Adversity · 16/08/2022 11:14

I just wouldn’t go and would take the money hit. As long as you don’t expect them to take the hit finance wise what does it matter. Did you ever want to go?

FindingANewLifePlan · 16/08/2022 11:16

I know I can't really pull out now as we're going in less than a month

That doesn't mean that you can't pull out, just that you'll have to take the financial hit on what you've already paid so the others aren't having to fork more out.

Come up with an excuse, stick in a text to them all, and then start feeling better.

RatherBeRiding · 16/08/2022 11:18

Of course you can pull out but given the short timescale you will just have to suck up the payment for the holiday.

MuffinMcLayLikeABundleOfHay · 16/08/2022 11:20

Of course you can just not go. It's not compulsory.

Welshrarebitontoast · 16/08/2022 11:20

As long as nobody else is expected to take a financial hit, just don’t go.

I’d rather loose the money and be happy, than go on holiday and feel miserable.

The only alternative would be can you go but spend a time on your own (beach/pool, stack of books) and meet up for meals etc? Would that work at all? Just because you are on holiday doesn’t mean you have to be glued to each other but only you know if they’d give you space.

PurpleDaisies · 16/08/2022 11:20

I would go but plan to spend some time alone. Take headphones and go for a run/walk. If you’ll lose the money anyway, I’d try and think of ways to enjoy it as much as possible rather than just writing it off. It might be much nicer than you think it will. Pre holiday jitters are pretty common.

Crikeyalmighty · 16/08/2022 11:20

You will have to Suck up the cost and explain that you have got some medical issues so your head isn't in the right place. You can't get out of paying your share of accommodation if you haven't paid yet- that's unfair on them

PurpleDaisies · 16/08/2022 11:21

Are there any of the group you trust enough to confide about how you’re feeling?

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 16/08/2022 11:22

Another one coming on to say pull out, but take the financial hit for everything that will still need to be paid - flights accommodation etc

You’ll save the spending money aspect and avoid a holiday that you won’t enjoy

Youcancallmeirrelevant · 16/08/2022 11:22

As long as you aren't causing a cost increase to teh other 3 then just don't go

Dirtylittleroses · 16/08/2022 11:26

Yes of course you can pull out as long as any cost of doing so is yours. What you can’t do is pull out and expect them to cover any additional costs of you doing so.

Original poster
britishgray · 16/08/2022 11:29

Thanks for all of the replies.

Just to clarify the whole holiday has been completely paid for, we booked it over a year ago. I would never expect anybody to have to pay a penny for me nor would I expect my money back this late on.

I am very close to all of the girls going, but know that they'll be so annoyed if I do pull out! But like a few of you have said, I'd rather be happy and not go than be miserable. I hate this feeling of dreading something so much!

OP posts:
cormorant5 · 16/08/2022 11:32

Overall I think I would drop out.

Could you meet soon and explain about the test results and that you will not feel lighthearted enough to join in everything.
See how they react.
Explaining subtleties like mood in a text is difficult.

NewMoney1000000 · 16/08/2022 11:32

Do you usually have this dread when going on a holiday?

SausageinaBun · 16/08/2022 11:32

If you're waiting for hospital results then you could say that you were unable to get holiday insurance because insurers turned you down as a result, or that it was prohibitively expensive for the same reason.

Original poster
britishgray · 16/08/2022 11:34

@NewMoney1000000 no never! I am normally so excited to go away. I went away with my partner In July and felt none of this dread which is very strange

OP posts:
Original poster
britishgray · 16/08/2022 11:36

@cormorant5 yes that could be a good idea, my only concern is the friend who has taken lead and booked the holiday is very controlling and specific about what we will be doing on the trip so not sure how she'll take it!

OP posts:
FlorettaB · 16/08/2022 11:36

Covid?

shiningstar2 · 16/08/2022 11:37

Ate you insured op? You could see your doctor and see if they agree you shouldn't go? If so your share back. Of course you can't expect your friends to take the financial hit at such short notice. If they are on a package deal , that can sometimes be altered for about £30. For example if one of the rooms was for 3 changing it to two. Or if one room for one getting that taken off the booking. That way, at such short notice you might save about 30% of your share. If not you will have to lose the price of the holiday but would at least save on expenses incurred while away.
How would it affect your long term friendships though? If you do have to go could you suggest sometimes going out separately on some days and just meeting for dinner? You could also suggest splitting; not two groups sometimes. Others might also like this. Sometimes 5 people all going everywhere together is too much and it's more enjoyable to go out indifferent groups and have things to talk about in the evening.

maddy68 · 16/08/2022 11:39

You agreed so you go. The time was earlier to pull out

If you are prepared to still pay then you can always rely on covid at the last minute. But you must pay your share

I think you'll enjoy it.
If anyone starts to bicker. Deflect. "I didn't come on holiday to hear bickering ...anyone fancy a cocktail? Etc

NewMoney1000000 · 16/08/2022 11:41

if you really don’t think you’ll enjoy it when you get there then I think send one message to them all saying really sorry you can’t go, you are waiting for medical results and not feeling yourself and you wish them all a good trip. As you’ve paid they won’t be out of pocket.
it may have an impact on your friendships but if you are dreading going then it’s just one of those things.

ChagSameachDoreen · 16/08/2022 11:41

Just say you've got the 'Rona.

NewMoney1000000 · 16/08/2022 11:42

The OP has already said she’s paid for the holiday.

TooHotToTangoToo · 16/08/2022 11:43

As long as it's not going to financially impact them just pull out.

'Sorry, but I can't go to Ibiza, hope you all have a lovely time'

heavyisthe · 16/08/2022 11:45

Two days before departure test positive for the Rona