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AIBU?

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Original poster

Girls holiday booked but don't want to go

176 replies

britishgray · 16/08/2022 11:11

I probably am being U, but I'm going on a girls holiday to Ibiza next month with 4 friends. We booked it a long time ago but as time is approaching I desperately don't want to go.

Every day I'm just filled with dread while thinking about this holiday, I have never been this desperate to get out of something it's physically making me feel ill!

There's a few reasons why I don't want to go, mainly because the friends I'm going with constantly argue and bicker when we're together so I know it's going to dampen the mood a lot, also it's going to be extremely expensive and tbh I don't have the money to spend, and thirdly I'm waiting for some hospital results which I'm not sure will come back before the holiday but this is another reason why my head is else where.

I know I can't really pull out now as we're going in less than a month, but was just hoping for some advice or any tips if anyone has been in a similar position?

OP posts:
latetothefisting · 16/08/2022 11:47

Why did you agree to go in the first place if they all argue and its not fun?

I'm going against the grain here but I think you should go. I fucking hate the flakiness of people who agree to do things and then drop out without a really good reason. It's absolutely fine to not want to do anything but just SAY NO at the point of asking. There have been so many threads on here recently about people changing their mind and not wanting to go to things they'd agreed to, for the most pathetic of reasons.

Everyone saying oh it's fine as long as they don't lose out financially has clearly never organised an event because its not fine!

Things are booked with a set number of people in mind and it's not OK if you have to book, say 2 houses for a holiday because there are 5 in a group and the maximum 1 house fits is 4 -yes op might pay her fifth but if she had said from the start she didn't want to go the whole holiday would have been much cheaper for everyone.

Its not ok to say you'll attend a big party so people rent a big room and cater for the 100 who have rspd "yes" only to be embarrassed when barely 40 turn up, the room looks empty, the food goes to waste, and you feel like Billy no mates because everyone cancels last minute because "it's too hot" "childcare fell through" "I've got a headache" "we are just really busy this week" "just fancied a night in"

Its not OK if the birthday girl/hen/whoever really wanted to eat at x restaurant or do x activity but they couldn't fit in everyone who'd said they'd come so the venue gets changed to somewhere not as nice -only for so many people to drop out that the first place would have been fine!

Not to mention that having fewer people attend changes the dynamics -lots of times I've agreed to going somewhere because I knew/was close to x and y even if I didn't know anyone else - that's a huge difference when x and y suddenly drop out and you're suddenly stuck with randoms. Or just a holiday as a group of 4 is fine- if but if you'd been told at the start a and b wouldn't end up coming you'd have said no because going on holiday with just one person is a bit intense!

Anyway it's a bit of a rant and of course people can cancel for whatever reason they like -just don't then come on mn, or complain in real life "why dont i have any friends" "aibu to feel left out" "gutted nobody came to my birthday party" when people do it back to you!

SoSoSusan · 16/08/2022 11:48

I would just get corona the day before. Then express how disappointed you are but you hope they all have a great time etc. Avoids so much awkwardness.

NewMoney1000000 · 16/08/2022 11:51

If I was one of the friends I think more notice the better.

Original poster
britishgray · 16/08/2022 11:54

@latetothefisting I agreed to go because we booked it over a year ago and my two friends have only started bickering / getting on each other's nerves for the past Id say 6 months. And I never said anything about them being "not fun" not quite sure where you got that from? Me and my friends are extremely close and do a lot together, I have never let them down before and haven't even said I'm not going to go now was just looking for advice and opinions on my situation!

But thank you for your comment, you have made some good points and I know the whole thing isn't ideal

OP posts:
ChatterMonkey · 16/08/2022 12:01

I know someone who did similar, didnt want to go last minute but didnt want to upset the group so told people they had lost their passport, and didnt have enough time to get another one. Would this work for you?

balalake · 16/08/2022 12:03

As long as you are not giving them extra expenditure and preferably some notice, reasonable to decide not to go. If you have never declined or let them down before, I'm sure they will understand.

notanothertakeaway · 16/08/2022 12:05

I really don't like this new trend of "On the day, just say you have Covid". I hope it doesn't catch on

If you want to go, go. If you don't, don't

Difficulty getting travel insurance would probably be a genuine reason not to go anyway. I think most policies don't cover any condition which is under investigation at the time of travel

AryaStarkWolf · 16/08/2022 12:07

If you do pull out I think you should actually tell them the reason why, maybe the bickering friends might realise they're ruining the mood for people.

How many of you are supposed to be going?

BarbaraofSeville · 16/08/2022 12:10

FGS don't make up excuses about lost passports or getting COVID. The OP isn't 12.

OP, just be honest about the test results and the money situation and say you'd rather not go. A lots changed in the world in the last 12 months so they should understand. The 4 of them will still have a good time.

If you've paid for the flight and hotel, it won't impact on them, and you'll save the cost of food, drink, activities etc, which will add up hugely in Ibiza so a good saving to you to pull out.

sundayvibeswig22 · 16/08/2022 12:11

I wouldn't pull out if a fully paid holiday. If there is bickering I'd be preparing to bring a good book and take myself off somewhere to chill on a beach and leave them to it.

fghj149 · 16/08/2022 12:13

I’ve been on enough shit girls’ holidays to say DON’T GO! Life is too short. Write it off and relax.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 16/08/2022 12:13

Just to clarify the whole holiday has been completely paid for, we booked it over a year ago. I would never expect anybody to have to pay a penny for me nor would I expect my money back this late on

Fair enough; in that case I'd simply drop out and save yourself both the angst and the costs of actually being there - though I'd do it ASAP so they have time to recruit someone else to make up the numbers if they wish

They may moan and bicker, but from the sound of things they'll do that anyway and at least you'll be giving them a new subject to get their teeth into

Antarcticant · 16/08/2022 12:14

The problem is, you might drop out, then someone else might drop out and before you know it, it's a solo holiday for the unfortunate remaining person and probably doesn't go ahead at all.

People always think it won't matter if they drop out - but everyone thinking this is why your event for 20 people becomes a humiliating event for 3 people, because two people had a genuine emergency and the other 15 couldn't be arsed

Barring genuine emergency/significant change in circumstances, you should not let people down like this. It's an increasing trend, with Covid now such a convenient excuse, and it's awful. Just say 'no' in the first place.

Wombat27A · 16/08/2022 12:14

If they're fighting already, I'd go and see what happens. It's not your drama and you can chill but if it was me, I'd bail and let them fight it out.

I know you said you're all close but given bickering/getting on eachother's nerves/controlling friend, this may be your last girls' holiday.

Viviennemary · 16/08/2022 12:15

Just cancel and pay what you owe. Or see if you can find anybody to take your place

Puzzledandpissedoff · 16/08/2022 12:16

I really don't like this new trend of "On the day, just say you have Covid"

Neither do I, mainly because it's right up there with "I couldn't get childcare" and people are getting sick of it - not least because it makes things difficult for folk who really have got problems

Far better to just own the decision and leave them to it

Twawmyarse · 16/08/2022 12:17

I would suck it up and go - it's only four days.

These are your oldest friends and it may may damage your friendship with them. The other two may not bicker and if they do just walk away and don't take any part in it and tell the others to do the same - they'll soon get tired of it when they haven't got an audience.

And who knows - you may have a great time and it'll be just what you needed?

Schooldil3ma · 16/08/2022 12:19

Ibiza is crazy expensive. You're going to spend anywhere grand and have a shit time seemingly. I wouldn't go. Be prepared for it to impact on your friendship though if they are as controlling and difficult as you say.

Badger1970 · 16/08/2022 12:20

I think you need to go, it may change the dynamic to drop out this late.

However I would be prepared for the situations where bickering starts.... and make sure you have an excuse to leave the group at that point. Newly diagnosed migraines where you simply have to take painkillers and sleep. IBS and need to be close to a toilet etc. Take some good books, or load your Kindle up well.

I went on a holiday once with some friends who were all funded by wealthy parents, and made it really clear on the plane journey out that I wasn't able to keep up with them financially and was looking forward to just lazing around and had no expectation of anyone changing their plans for days out around me.

howdidigethere · 16/08/2022 12:23

Have you been on holiday with them before? Is it mainly a couple of friends within the group who have started bickering but the others are OK? Do you have your own bedroom or are you sharing?

I understand getting cold feet before a trip but holidays can be a different reality. Why don't you discuss your concerns with your best pal in the group? I think there's ways of going and still enjoying at least some of the holiday.

notanothertakeaway · 16/08/2022 12:23

The problem is, you might drop out, then someone else might drop out and before you know it, it's a solo holiday for the unfortunate remaining person and probably doesn't go ahead at all

That's a good point. I arranged a city break with two friends. In the end, they both pulled out, so I didn't go. This left me out of pocket

Stichintimesavesstapling · 16/08/2022 12:24

I'd go, youve paid and your reasons (friends bicker, waiting for results you could get anywhere) are a bit flakey. I would plan for some alone time and ask to pop to a supermarket to buy a few bits to keep down costs or take some with you, like cereal etc.

SunnyD44 · 16/08/2022 12:26

YABU

It sounds like you just have anxiety and are over thinking things.

It’s a girls holiday it will be loads of fun!

Worst comes to worst then just go off on your own.
Make sure you’re doing what you all want to do and not just what 1 person wants.

How long are you going for?
And do you have your own room?

Tinkerblonde1 · 16/08/2022 12:27

latetothefisting · 16/08/2022 11:47

Why did you agree to go in the first place if they all argue and its not fun?

I'm going against the grain here but I think you should go. I fucking hate the flakiness of people who agree to do things and then drop out without a really good reason. It's absolutely fine to not want to do anything but just SAY NO at the point of asking. There have been so many threads on here recently about people changing their mind and not wanting to go to things they'd agreed to, for the most pathetic of reasons.

Everyone saying oh it's fine as long as they don't lose out financially has clearly never organised an event because its not fine!

Things are booked with a set number of people in mind and it's not OK if you have to book, say 2 houses for a holiday because there are 5 in a group and the maximum 1 house fits is 4 -yes op might pay her fifth but if she had said from the start she didn't want to go the whole holiday would have been much cheaper for everyone.

Its not ok to say you'll attend a big party so people rent a big room and cater for the 100 who have rspd "yes" only to be embarrassed when barely 40 turn up, the room looks empty, the food goes to waste, and you feel like Billy no mates because everyone cancels last minute because "it's too hot" "childcare fell through" "I've got a headache" "we are just really busy this week" "just fancied a night in"

Its not OK if the birthday girl/hen/whoever really wanted to eat at x restaurant or do x activity but they couldn't fit in everyone who'd said they'd come so the venue gets changed to somewhere not as nice -only for so many people to drop out that the first place would have been fine!

Not to mention that having fewer people attend changes the dynamics -lots of times I've agreed to going somewhere because I knew/was close to x and y even if I didn't know anyone else - that's a huge difference when x and y suddenly drop out and you're suddenly stuck with randoms. Or just a holiday as a group of 4 is fine- if but if you'd been told at the start a and b wouldn't end up coming you'd have said no because going on holiday with just one person is a bit intense!

Anyway it's a bit of a rant and of course people can cancel for whatever reason they like -just don't then come on mn, or complain in real life "why dont i have any friends" "aibu to feel left out" "gutted nobody came to my birthday party" when people do it back to you!

I agree with this.

It's one of those things that you dread and end up having a good time. It's never as bad as you think.

Next time just say no from the off.

Wineiscooling · 16/08/2022 12:28

I would go but plan lots of chill time. You don’t have to partake in every activity planned. If these are good friends they’ll understand. I’ve just come back from a girls holiday in Ibiza. We had the best time but it was expensive. Could you just say to your friends that you can’t afford everything and due to the stress of waiting on hospital results you need lots of chill time but they can go ahead clubbing / activities without you?
mom the other hand if it’s causing you so much stress and anxiety and if you feel your friends might pressure you once there just take the financial hit and dont go.