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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Girls holiday booked but don't want to go

176 replies

britishgray · 16/08/2022 11:11

I probably am being U, but I'm going on a girls holiday to Ibiza next month with 4 friends. We booked it a long time ago but as time is approaching I desperately don't want to go.

Every day I'm just filled with dread while thinking about this holiday, I have never been this desperate to get out of something it's physically making me feel ill!

There's a few reasons why I don't want to go, mainly because the friends I'm going with constantly argue and bicker when we're together so I know it's going to dampen the mood a lot, also it's going to be extremely expensive and tbh I don't have the money to spend, and thirdly I'm waiting for some hospital results which I'm not sure will come back before the holiday but this is another reason why my head is else where.

I know I can't really pull out now as we're going in less than a month, but was just hoping for some advice or any tips if anyone has been in a similar position?

OP posts:
Miriam101 · 16/08/2022 12:28

If I were you I'd test positive for Covid on the day before departure...

RealBecca · 16/08/2022 12:29

I think you ought to go but reassess the friendships properly afterwards.

ilovesooty · 16/08/2022 12:30

It would be despicable to lie about having covid. It says something pretty negative about those who suggested it.

RealBecca · 16/08/2022 12:33

And I'm not trying to be an arsehile but I'd advise that you dont use money as an excuse not to go because its been booked for a year so to say you cant afford it when even £25 a month would have helped and you've had a holiday woth your boyfriend.

It comes across like you have a new boyfriend and dont really want to go with them anymore. And that's how it will come across to them.

And it's fine because people grow and change, especially growing apart from school girl groups but they will be pissed off and see through it if you cancel less than 1 month before departure when you have had a year to think on it.

Antarcticant · 16/08/2022 12:34

ilovesooty · 16/08/2022 12:30

It would be despicable to lie about having covid. It says something pretty negative about those who suggested it.

Yes. Especially because it creates a dilemma if you genuinely suspect you are coming down with Covid. Do you pull out and know that people will think it's just an excuse or do you turn up, then two days later get a positive LFT and live with the knowledge you've just spread your virus all over the place?

MarshaMelrose · 16/08/2022 12:38

I always hate going on holiday. Every time I chunnernaway to myself about it. But when you actually get there, the things you worry about don't feel the same. Maybe when your friends are away from home they won't bicker the same and if they do, just tell them they're ruining your holiday and to put a sock in it.
If you're worried about hospital results, this could be the perfect opportunity to either celebrate or put them out of your mind for a while.
You've paid for it, it doesn't have to be expensive when you get there, so if I were you, I'd go. You'll be with your best friends who you get on well with so, in reality, how bad is it going to be?

FlorettaB · 16/08/2022 12:40

A positive covid test is just that. It doesn’t mean you’re ill. Thousands of people are asymptomatic and only know they have it because they tested.

Abraxan · 16/08/2022 12:42

FlorettaB · 16/08/2022 12:40

A positive covid test is just that. It doesn’t mean you’re ill. Thousands of people are asymptomatic and only know they have it because they tested.

It does me a that you shouldn't fly though. Most airlines now, at check in online, ask you to tick that you don't have certain symptoms or have tested positive.

NewMoney1000000 · 16/08/2022 12:43

The problem is, you might drop out, then someone else might drop out and before you know it, it's a solo holiday for the unfortunate remaining person and probably doesn't go ahead at all
My DC was due to go on holiday with two friends and they both cancelled the week before. The whole holiday ended up being cancelled and mu DC booked another trip and went on his own during the same time he should have gone with his friends. I was so proud of him, instead of mooching around at home and wasting his annual leave he had a lovely holiday.

soupey1 · 16/08/2022 12:43

Have you told your insurer that you are awaiting test results as in many cases they won’t insure you until you know. If you haven’t told them your insurance will be invalid anyway.

PeppaPigIsAnnoying · 16/08/2022 12:45

I went away in a group with a controlling friend, it was the first and last time

I think you need to be honest with them and then they'll have to just deal with it

Antarcticant · 16/08/2022 12:45

NewMoney1000000 · 16/08/2022 12:43

The problem is, you might drop out, then someone else might drop out and before you know it, it's a solo holiday for the unfortunate remaining person and probably doesn't go ahead at all
My DC was due to go on holiday with two friends and they both cancelled the week before. The whole holiday ended up being cancelled and mu DC booked another trip and went on his own during the same time he should have gone with his friends. I was so proud of him, instead of mooching around at home and wasting his annual leave he had a lovely holiday.

It's great that he had the confidence to do that. Not everyone would, particularly women who might have very valid concerns from a safety angle.

Original poster
britishgray · 16/08/2022 12:45

@RealBecca yes I agree with you that I could have saved, but a lot has happened since booking like a career change and the cost of living crisis!

Also I don't have a new boyfriend? I have been with him for 5 years so not sure if you had misread my comment there, the situation has nothing to do with him.

OP posts:
SunnyD44 · 16/08/2022 12:46

It would be despicable to lie about having covid. It says something pretty negative about those who suggested it.

I agree.

If you don’t want to go then at least have the decency to be honest.

I’m shocked so many people would be happy lying to their friends like that.

HaveYouAnyDreamYoudLikeToSell · 16/08/2022 12:46

I would send a message to the "controlling" one saying you have been having 2nd thoughts about going due to having a lot on your mind and not feeling like you want to join in with all the activities she has planned for everyone. Say that rather than loose your money you have decided to go but would prefer being left to your own devices to do what you want to do that day.
Take loads of books, headphones and relax and enjoy yourself and try not to worry.
If any of your friends have issue with this then they aren't really friends at all.

BasiliskStare · 16/08/2022 12:46

Honestly I would not make stuff up about Covid. Better to be honest in my view. If you are waiting for test results - genuine reason. If people are friends they will understand. Especially if you are not leaving them out of pocket. I pulled out of a day out a good friend of mine had arranged & I told her the truth - I felt nervous about it and I did not want to go. But I told her in good enough time she had not made arrangements or paid. We are still friends now.

FlorettaB · 16/08/2022 12:47

I know Abraxan, which is why the OP could phone her friend the day before they’re due to travel and say she did a test at home, tested positive and can’t travel.

Maymaymay · 16/08/2022 12:47

Just go but be prepared to say " I don't fancy this today ... I'm just going to read my book by the pool"

PurpleDaisies · 16/08/2022 12:47

How much have you spent on the holiday?

Original poster
britishgray · 16/08/2022 12:48

Thank you everybody.

We are going for a week, if it was only 4 days like a previous poster mentioned then I would have just gone and not even mentioned it but a week just feels like so long when I feel like this.

Some of the comments have been very helpful, I know that I'll probably enjoy when I'm actually there.

OP posts:
Bluemonkey2029 · 16/08/2022 12:49

I went on a girls holiday once and we heard afterwards that one of the people had been trying hard to sell her ticket to someone else because she didn't want to come anymore. It was really weird, in the nicest way possible, we like this girl a lot and we are still friends but we really wouldn't have cared if she hadn't come as long as she wasn't expecting us to pick up the shortfall. Simply because in a group of friends, if one doesn't come to something, it's not really an issue. Obviously just you and one other person I wouldn't say the same thing but possibly you are overestimating how much they will be bothered? Also in that situation I made the booking and if she'd asked she actually could have got her money back but it's very possible she didn't realise that. Don't lie or pretend to lose your passport or something just be up front that you don't fancy it anymore.

girlmom21 · 16/08/2022 12:51

I'd address the bickering before you go. If you're all really close tell them it's making you nervous and to sort out their differences before the holiday as you want to just go and have fun.

OneCup · 16/08/2022 12:52

I would meet up with them and explain the health issues. If you are enough of a wallowing mess then, they may be the ones who suggest you don't go ;). If they don't, it's an excuse you can use once there to withdraw from group activities and bickering :).

Snowdropbulbs · 16/08/2022 12:55

latetothefisting · 16/08/2022 11:47

Why did you agree to go in the first place if they all argue and its not fun?

I'm going against the grain here but I think you should go. I fucking hate the flakiness of people who agree to do things and then drop out without a really good reason. It's absolutely fine to not want to do anything but just SAY NO at the point of asking. There have been so many threads on here recently about people changing their mind and not wanting to go to things they'd agreed to, for the most pathetic of reasons.

Everyone saying oh it's fine as long as they don't lose out financially has clearly never organised an event because its not fine!

Things are booked with a set number of people in mind and it's not OK if you have to book, say 2 houses for a holiday because there are 5 in a group and the maximum 1 house fits is 4 -yes op might pay her fifth but if she had said from the start she didn't want to go the whole holiday would have been much cheaper for everyone.

Its not ok to say you'll attend a big party so people rent a big room and cater for the 100 who have rspd "yes" only to be embarrassed when barely 40 turn up, the room looks empty, the food goes to waste, and you feel like Billy no mates because everyone cancels last minute because "it's too hot" "childcare fell through" "I've got a headache" "we are just really busy this week" "just fancied a night in"

Its not OK if the birthday girl/hen/whoever really wanted to eat at x restaurant or do x activity but they couldn't fit in everyone who'd said they'd come so the venue gets changed to somewhere not as nice -only for so many people to drop out that the first place would have been fine!

Not to mention that having fewer people attend changes the dynamics -lots of times I've agreed to going somewhere because I knew/was close to x and y even if I didn't know anyone else - that's a huge difference when x and y suddenly drop out and you're suddenly stuck with randoms. Or just a holiday as a group of 4 is fine- if but if you'd been told at the start a and b wouldn't end up coming you'd have said no because going on holiday with just one person is a bit intense!

Anyway it's a bit of a rant and of course people can cancel for whatever reason they like -just don't then come on mn, or complain in real life "why dont i have any friends" "aibu to feel left out" "gutted nobody came to my birthday party" when people do it back to you!

I agree with all of this, obviously OP never said that her friends weren’t fun.

I think Covid has created a whole new level of flakiness. Sorry OP. If they’re really your friends, talk to them.

sunsetsandsandybeaches · 16/08/2022 13:00

I'm really surprised at all the responses saying it's okay to just pull out, and I agree with PP who said that COVID has become the go-to excuse for people who just can't be arsed.

What if someone else in the group has the same idea, and a group of five suddenly becomes three or even two?

You made a commitment and you've had months to decide it wasn't for you. It's not nice to pull out this close to the holiday.