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Original poster

Girls holiday booked but don't want to go

176 replies

britishgray · 16/08/2022 11:11

I probably am being U, but I'm going on a girls holiday to Ibiza next month with 4 friends. We booked it a long time ago but as time is approaching I desperately don't want to go.

Every day I'm just filled with dread while thinking about this holiday, I have never been this desperate to get out of something it's physically making me feel ill!

There's a few reasons why I don't want to go, mainly because the friends I'm going with constantly argue and bicker when we're together so I know it's going to dampen the mood a lot, also it's going to be extremely expensive and tbh I don't have the money to spend, and thirdly I'm waiting for some hospital results which I'm not sure will come back before the holiday but this is another reason why my head is else where.

I know I can't really pull out now as we're going in less than a month, but was just hoping for some advice or any tips if anyone has been in a similar position?

OP posts:
Tandora · 16/08/2022 17:07

latetothefisting · 16/08/2022 11:47

Why did you agree to go in the first place if they all argue and its not fun?

I'm going against the grain here but I think you should go. I fucking hate the flakiness of people who agree to do things and then drop out without a really good reason. It's absolutely fine to not want to do anything but just SAY NO at the point of asking. There have been so many threads on here recently about people changing their mind and not wanting to go to things they'd agreed to, for the most pathetic of reasons.

Everyone saying oh it's fine as long as they don't lose out financially has clearly never organised an event because its not fine!

Things are booked with a set number of people in mind and it's not OK if you have to book, say 2 houses for a holiday because there are 5 in a group and the maximum 1 house fits is 4 -yes op might pay her fifth but if she had said from the start she didn't want to go the whole holiday would have been much cheaper for everyone.

Its not ok to say you'll attend a big party so people rent a big room and cater for the 100 who have rspd "yes" only to be embarrassed when barely 40 turn up, the room looks empty, the food goes to waste, and you feel like Billy no mates because everyone cancels last minute because "it's too hot" "childcare fell through" "I've got a headache" "we are just really busy this week" "just fancied a night in"

Its not OK if the birthday girl/hen/whoever really wanted to eat at x restaurant or do x activity but they couldn't fit in everyone who'd said they'd come so the venue gets changed to somewhere not as nice -only for so many people to drop out that the first place would have been fine!

Not to mention that having fewer people attend changes the dynamics -lots of times I've agreed to going somewhere because I knew/was close to x and y even if I didn't know anyone else - that's a huge difference when x and y suddenly drop out and you're suddenly stuck with randoms. Or just a holiday as a group of 4 is fine- if but if you'd been told at the start a and b wouldn't end up coming you'd have said no because going on holiday with just one person is a bit intense!

Anyway it's a bit of a rant and of course people can cancel for whatever reason they like -just don't then come on mn, or complain in real life "why dont i have any friends" "aibu to feel left out" "gutted nobody came to my birthday party" when people do it back to you!

Could not agree with this more

AryaStarkWolf · 16/08/2022 17:16

britishgray · 16/08/2022 17:02

@AryaStarkWolf yes definitely, I always tell them when they start! I say bickering but it's more of a case of them getting fed up/irritated by each other and then going in moods with each other which just brings the whole mood down then - if that makes sense? It's not the bickering that's the problem really, it's the atmosphere that it creates.

That sounds really crap, you would wonder why they want to go on holiday with each other!?

Ineedhelpsobadly · 17/08/2022 18:12

This has happend to me before so I can understand exactly how you're feeling.

August 2019 me and 3 of my girlfriends were due to go to Ibiza, we had booked it around 18 months ago and everything was fine. We're all very very close and pretty much do everything together.

Fast forward to September 2018 and like you, two of the girls started arguing alot and getting on each others nerves over the most smallest of things. It made things really difficult for me and the other friend because we just wanted them to get on again!
Around May 2019 I started to dead the holiday because the girls were still no better and still arguing and just not getting on. I felt awful and didn't want to go on the holiday anymore because I just knew it was going to be awkward, nothing would be agreed on and I thought we would end up doing things on our own.

The end of June 2019 we all went to the other friends house for a takeaway (no alcohol involved) and guess what? The girls started arguing again! I ended up shouting FOR GOD SAKE WILL THE PAIR OF YOU JUST SHUT UP AND GROW UP. The silence in the room was so loud lol.

It was the best thing I ever did because that night I told them honestly about the holiday and that their behaviour was making me not want to go anymore and how much I was dreading it. One of the girls started crying and the other just kept her head down.
I lead the conversation and the other friend joined in occasionally to say her peice.
Anyway, the next day both of the girls came to mine TOGETHER and apologised for their behaviour and that they've sorted things out and didn't realise how it was making me and the other friend feel.

August 2019 - The holiday was fabulous, we all had an amazing time together and not a single argument was had. In fact the girls actually thanked me for shouting at them as it gave them the wake up call they both needed.
We're all still friends now.

Maybe you could organise seeing your friends at the same time and chat to them, tell them how their shitty behaviour is making you feel and that you're thinking about not going because of them. If they're any kind of real friends, they will hopefully understand and do something about it.
You deserve the holiday just as much as they do, sometimes people need a good boot up the arse to wake them up and see the error of their ways.

Tuskanini · 17/08/2022 18:17

"The coward dies a thousand deaths, the brave man only one'.

Just go. So a few days of your life are not as perfect as they might have been. You'll survive. And if you're a worrier, you'll worry just as much after not going as you are about going.

Or pull a Covid. When I did have it, I saved quite a few positive test strips in case they came in useful later!

vera99 · 17/08/2022 18:34

3 days before - WTF absolutely gutted - damn and fucking blast. Feeling like shit and I so want to go. Oh shit, and I was so looking forward to it.

Girls holiday booked but don't want to go
Solonge · 17/08/2022 18:44

Maybe tell them you have been unwell and have had a lot of tests and that you are on tenter hooks awaiting results and that you can’t holiday knowing it could be bad news you are coming back to. Alternatively….tell them that the increase in cost of living has left you counting pennies and no way could you now afford to go.

StoneofDestiny · 17/08/2022 18:46

I would go but tell them you are needing a complete break and rest. You will be taking it easy, reading and lying about - not being anti social, just desperate for a rest from everything. Tell them you just need them to respect that.

Jack80 · 17/08/2022 18:51

If the holiday is paid for just say you aren’t in the right head space to go because of waiting for your medical results.

Petal12 · 17/08/2022 18:54

This was me back in June on a girls holiday - all the reasons you’ve stated plus not having lost the weight I’d planned on losing. I went - not because I didn’t want to lose the money but because I knew it would cause friendship issues if I didn’t. We were away for 5 days so a little shorter than you but I kept telling myself YOLO in the lead up and to just chill and plan to do what I wanted when I was there. I did - it went great and I was sorry to come home!

godmum56 · 17/08/2022 18:57

Adversity · 16/08/2022 11:14

I just wouldn’t go and would take the money hit. As long as you don’t expect them to take the hit finance wise what does it matter. Did you ever want to go?

This

Kittysummer · 17/08/2022 18:58

Can I have your ticket please? Would love a holiday right now.

Johnnysgirl · 17/08/2022 18:59

britishgray · 16/08/2022 11:36

@cormorant5 yes that could be a good idea, my only concern is the friend who has taken lead and booked the holiday is very controlling and specific about what we will be doing on the trip so not sure how she'll take it!

Who cares how she'll take it? You sound almost afraid of your "friends".

KosherDill · 17/08/2022 19:00

If I didn't want to go, I wouldn't go. Life is too short.

They'll survive. And the money is spent anyway.

ToppCat · 17/08/2022 19:07

latetothefisting · 16/08/2022 11:47

Why did you agree to go in the first place if they all argue and its not fun?

I'm going against the grain here but I think you should go. I fucking hate the flakiness of people who agree to do things and then drop out without a really good reason. It's absolutely fine to not want to do anything but just SAY NO at the point of asking. There have been so many threads on here recently about people changing their mind and not wanting to go to things they'd agreed to, for the most pathetic of reasons.

Everyone saying oh it's fine as long as they don't lose out financially has clearly never organised an event because its not fine!

Things are booked with a set number of people in mind and it's not OK if you have to book, say 2 houses for a holiday because there are 5 in a group and the maximum 1 house fits is 4 -yes op might pay her fifth but if she had said from the start she didn't want to go the whole holiday would have been much cheaper for everyone.

Its not ok to say you'll attend a big party so people rent a big room and cater for the 100 who have rspd "yes" only to be embarrassed when barely 40 turn up, the room looks empty, the food goes to waste, and you feel like Billy no mates because everyone cancels last minute because "it's too hot" "childcare fell through" "I've got a headache" "we are just really busy this week" "just fancied a night in"

Its not OK if the birthday girl/hen/whoever really wanted to eat at x restaurant or do x activity but they couldn't fit in everyone who'd said they'd come so the venue gets changed to somewhere not as nice -only for so many people to drop out that the first place would have been fine!

Not to mention that having fewer people attend changes the dynamics -lots of times I've agreed to going somewhere because I knew/was close to x and y even if I didn't know anyone else - that's a huge difference when x and y suddenly drop out and you're suddenly stuck with randoms. Or just a holiday as a group of 4 is fine- if but if you'd been told at the start a and b wouldn't end up coming you'd have said no because going on holiday with just one person is a bit intense!

Anyway it's a bit of a rant and of course people can cancel for whatever reason they like -just don't then come on mn, or complain in real life "why dont i have any friends" "aibu to feel left out" "gutted nobody came to my birthday party" when people do it back to you!

She has got a very good reason. She is dreading it.

honkeytonkwoman38 · 17/08/2022 19:12

Sometimes I dread things but go on to have the best time. Sometimes we get a sense of foreboding and I believe we get that for a reason so act on it.

I would focus on using the test results as a reason to pull out rather than their bickering.

ToppCat · 17/08/2022 19:15

honkeytonkwoman38 · 17/08/2022 19:12

Sometimes I dread things but go on to have the best time. Sometimes we get a sense of foreboding and I believe we get that for a reason so act on it.

I would focus on using the test results as a reason to pull out rather than their bickering.

Oh I do too but she also says she can't afford it now because of a career change and is also waiting for test results. They are valid reasons for wanting to pull out.

Spaceshiphaslanded · 17/08/2022 19:16

OP, sorry you feel sad about this. Ibiza in August/September is Sooooo good. you have reiterated a few times how close friends they are. I’d tell them that you are feel quite low just now (cost of living/career etc), you do want to come but please can you be excluded from anything organized and be left to chill. My best mates would get this, hopefully yours will too.
i think if your best mates went away to Ibiza without you, it might make you feel sad in the long run you weren’t there?!

bumblingbovine49 · 17/08/2022 19:18

I would choose between

1 - total open honesty - ie. "I am really dreading this holiday as there have been so many arguments and I am worried there will be arguments while we are away. I feel so worried about it that I am thinking about dropping out". Maybe people can have a proper conversation about what is causing the arguments and it can get sorted out or the people arguing can understand that their behaviour is impacting other people. You can also maybe make it clear that you want to have a good time with them but that if anything kicks off while you are away, you will be coming home/moving accommodation/not socializing at all (whatever makes the most sense to you). That way you have a plan B if it becomes unbearable

2 - Lie and use Covid or lost passport excuse

If you do what others say and just pull out saying you don't want to go but don't a face-saving excuse (ie lie) or be open and give your friends a fair chsnce to reassure you or sort this out before you go, it will likely impact your friendship with them in the long term. Both options 1 and 2 have a better chance of your friendship being salvaged in the future than just pulling out and saying you can't face going

I don't however agree with anyone arguing that you have to go because pulling out inconveniences others. It may well do but you are in no way obliged to have a terrible time on holiday ad find yourself having paid for the privilege. If you don't believe your friends can get on for the holiday then you absolutely can and should pull out, I just think you need to give them a chance to fix it first which they can't do unless you tell them how bothered you are by it with a chance to fix it

youlightupmyday · 17/08/2022 19:18

I"d go. Could be an amazing distraction. X

CountryMouse22 · 17/08/2022 19:19

I don't blame you. My idea of hell would be a girls hen weekend or long weekend. Luckily I am too old for this to happen now! Can you contract Covid nearer the time, perhaps? I know one shouldn't tempt fate but it would get you out of it legitimately.

Favouritefruits · 17/08/2022 19:21

Wake up on the morning of the flight feeling really poorly, say how rubbish you feel… lay it on thick, pretend you’re devastated blah blah blah, wish them a lovely time and don’t stress about the wasted money.

bumblingbovine49 · 17/08/2022 19:25

latetothefisting · 16/08/2022 11:47

Why did you agree to go in the first place if they all argue and its not fun?

I'm going against the grain here but I think you should go. I fucking hate the flakiness of people who agree to do things and then drop out without a really good reason. It's absolutely fine to not want to do anything but just SAY NO at the point of asking. There have been so many threads on here recently about people changing their mind and not wanting to go to things they'd agreed to, for the most pathetic of reasons.

Everyone saying oh it's fine as long as they don't lose out financially has clearly never organised an event because its not fine!

Things are booked with a set number of people in mind and it's not OK if you have to book, say 2 houses for a holiday because there are 5 in a group and the maximum 1 house fits is 4 -yes op might pay her fifth but if she had said from the start she didn't want to go the whole holiday would have been much cheaper for everyone.

Its not ok to say you'll attend a big party so people rent a big room and cater for the 100 who have rspd "yes" only to be embarrassed when barely 40 turn up, the room looks empty, the food goes to waste, and you feel like Billy no mates because everyone cancels last minute because "it's too hot" "childcare fell through" "I've got a headache" "we are just really busy this week" "just fancied a night in"

Its not OK if the birthday girl/hen/whoever really wanted to eat at x restaurant or do x activity but they couldn't fit in everyone who'd said they'd come so the venue gets changed to somewhere not as nice -only for so many people to drop out that the first place would have been fine!

Not to mention that having fewer people attend changes the dynamics -lots of times I've agreed to going somewhere because I knew/was close to x and y even if I didn't know anyone else - that's a huge difference when x and y suddenly drop out and you're suddenly stuck with randoms. Or just a holiday as a group of 4 is fine- if but if you'd been told at the start a and b wouldn't end up coming you'd have said no because going on holiday with just one person is a bit intense!

Anyway it's a bit of a rant and of course people can cancel for whatever reason they like -just don't then come on mn, or complain in real life "why dont i have any friends" "aibu to feel left out" "gutted nobody came to my birthday party" when people do it back to you!

I don't agree with this at all in this instance.
These are all good reasons to suck it up and go to something if the reason you are not going is because you just don' feel like it at the moment. In particular to a short event like a wedding, party, meal out etc, where you should probably suck it up and go even if you have a very good reason not to go.

These reasons to go are in no way something to even give any thought to if you are going on holiday here you are paying a lot of money to spend multiple days in a location to relax and have fun and where the people who you are going with are behaving so badly and arguing constantly that you dread spending time with them. There is no way on earth I would spend my precious holiday time doing this if I knew I could avoid it in advance

girlmom21 · 17/08/2022 19:26

Tuskanini · 17/08/2022 18:17

"The coward dies a thousand deaths, the brave man only one'.

Just go. So a few days of your life are not as perfect as they might have been. You'll survive. And if you're a worrier, you'll worry just as much after not going as you are about going.

Or pull a Covid. When I did have it, I saved quite a few positive test strips in case they came in useful later!

Why share that quote then tell her to be a coward?

007Stocko · 17/08/2022 19:29

There is nothing like being honest. Seriously, just be that. Tell your friends that you see them bickering these days and it really is putting you off the idea of going. Ask them how all of you can work together to resolve the whatever their issues are so that you can all have a great time without having to feel awkward.

I often get into a mini panic before group activities and feel that I don't want to go, and never for any logical reason, just a degree of personal social anxiety. But then I always enjoy it when I'm there and pleased I did it.

Tamworthian · 17/08/2022 19:33

my only concern is the friend who has taken lead and booked the holiday is very controlling and specific about what we will be doing on the trip so not sure how she'll take it

I would dread this too!