Girls holiday booked but don't want to go

[britishgray]

I probably am being U, but I'm going on a girls holiday to Ibiza next month with 4 friends. We booked it a long time ago but as time is approaching I desperately don't want to go.

Every day I'm just filled with dread while thinking about this holiday, I have never been this desperate to get out of something it's physically making me feel ill!

There's a few reasons why I don't want to go, mainly because the friends I'm going with constantly argue and bicker when we're together so I know it's going to dampen the mood a lot, also it's going to be extremely expensive and tbh I don't have the money to spend, and thirdly I'm waiting for some hospital results which I'm not sure will come back before the holiday but this is another reason why my head is else where.

I know I can't really pull out now as we're going in less than a month, but was just hoping for some advice or any tips if anyone has been in a similar position?

Don't lie. Especially about Covid. I've currently got friends who are remarkably poorly with it - much to their surprise as they'd assumed Omicron was milder - and who have just missed much looked forwards to events and holidays because they came down with it. They'd have done anything not to have tested positive! To start using the virus as a get out clause is despicable.

It's not despicable to raise your genuine feelings though. You've a lot going on and aren't feeling very light hearted or in a holiday mood right now. That's not to say don't go but just tell this group of allegedly good friends how you feel.

@sunsetsandsandybeaches yes I know what you are saying, but if you read my posts I have never once said that I am going to pull out of the holiday. That is just the advice that I have been given.

Your friends will be really annoyed. If you can get over that and the fact they’ll likely not want to plan things like this with you again, just pull out.

I would go but then say you feel very unwell, and then just spend the holiday doing your own thing, lazing by the pool, beach, going shopping etc.

Don't waste all that money because of a group of bickering women.

OP, so are you after tips of how to have a better time when you are on this holiday?

I know, it wasn't really aimed at you, more the attitudes of the other posters on here.

Could you speak to the 2 friends that don't bicker, and see if they've been feeling troubled by it too? Maybe it's something you could all address, if they're making everyone unhappy.

You need to do what’s best for you. I’ve been in similar situations and at the end of the day life is so short why do something that’s going to cause you stress and make you unhappy. Any decent friend would understand and fully support your decision x

This has happened to me with six of us (3 couples) and one couple pulled out literally 3 days before the break away.
It was a 2 night stay with something very special planned during the day, then a wonderful restaurant and lots of hard work putting it all together, and I tried to offer just one night and them leaving early, but no they stuck to not coming.

I've known the woman for over fifty years, and I was gobsmacked at the pathetic excuse she put forward. To be honest, the friendship never really recovered because she took offence at my astonishment at her excuses for letting us all down.

We four went and had a fabulous time but it was tinged by them not coming.

My view is... OP... you have worked it up in your mind and convinced yourself you won't enjoy it, and I bet you, you will.

Have you got travel insurance yet? No one will cover youwith pending results

Maybe it’s because I’m getting to ‘that’ age. But as I get older my time is precious as is my physical and mental health. I would pull out. You need to be honest as you want. E.g. explain you have some private stuff going on that you don’t want to go into (that’s your health and money). That you can no longer make it but not expecting anything back financially. Done

You could approach your 'controlling and specific' friend and say that for many reasons you're not really in a good head space for a full-on holiday, you don't want to miss out but please understand if you can't fully participate in all activities, you need some alone time so will be reading and resting to make sure that you will be fully present for other fun activities.
These are your friends OP, surely they will understand and accommodate you, if not, then they're a bit shit in my view.

wibblywobbly

So you think it's OK for friends (note... friends... not acquaintances) to cancel on each other at the last minute because
they don't fancy it or the people going get on their nerves or the so called friends would make them miserable. What sort of friend are they?

I think this is the biggest over reaction I have ever seen on Mumsnet - a poster is apparently “nasty” and “selfish” for saying people shouldn’t drop out of plans they’ve agreed to because it affects other people

You have absolutely no idea what her issues or tests are for so can't possibly say that

If you end up going OP, and assuming it genuinely is Ibiza, could you talk to them about the finances? Ask whether you could maximise drinking at home before you go out, and avoiding getting tables in places like Ocean Beach which have a minimum spend? Also ask if you can buy your own drinks and maybe drink less than you otherwise would. I would hope if you explain you’ve changed career since it was booked and finances are tight. Explain about the health results and say you might not be up for too much clubbing - and then maybe only go out some of the nights. I don’t know how hardcore your friends are in terms of partying but you don’t have to match it if you don’t want to either because of your headspace or the finances.

OP I would speak to your friends about how you are feeling

Tell them about your feelings and what is going on in your life right now

If you really really do not want to go, then don’t

If you don’t want to pull out but at the same time worried about the trip I would 100% tell your friends

Over phone might be best but if I had a group chat with them I might message something like
“Girls, I’m going to have to be honest. A, B and C is going on in my life and I don’t feel up to the whole party vibe. I don’t want to pull out and will join you on occasions but I may be spending a lot of time relaxing at the pool or having earlier nights”

If my friend texted me something like that I would probably tell her I understood and that she didn’t have to come if she couldn’t but I would also be more than happy to spend some time with her by the pool or beach or going for dinners rather than partying

Who knows, maybe another one of your friends feels this way too

I think you need to do more honest digging into why you don't want to go... I bet that one of the reasons you've given is bigger than the others, and it would be good for you to explore that reason more. Are you worried about money? Do you struggle with conflict?

I love the suggestion of saying you don't feel well so will do your own thing. That way you can dip in and out of group activities but still go. You could also use money as a reason.

You can pull out if you are happy to take the hit. But it’s possible it will impact on your friendships.

It does sound to me that you might be building this up in your head, and actually when you get there you’ll enjoy it. It does seem a shame to pay and not go. I think we’ve all got a bit comfortable with shrunken lives these days so pushing out against that might be a good thing.

Take books, think in advance of a convincing illness you can fake to get a couple of quiet days to yourself in the middle if you need it.

Also it might be a good chance to practice standing up for yourself re the bossy one? You don’t have to do everything together.

I agree with this actually. I think you have committed to go and you should. You dropping out will change the dynamic and is unfair on the others.

I do have some symapthy - I am forever signing up for stuff and then really dreading it. But you never know, you might surprise yourself and then enjoy it.

You also don't need to be joined at the hip for the whole trip. I go away on friends' holidays a fair bit and we tend to split off and do our own things for some of the time as otherwise it's a bit intense.

I agree with you.

Pisses me off when people agree to things then pull out and l think it has got worse since Covid .

Just say no in the first place.

I would go.

I am TERRIBLE for catastrophising events and holidays with all the what ifs and what case scenarios, and i ALWAYS end up having a good time.

Your thoughts are not facts!

But also, you are an adult. As long as people are not financially worse off, do what you want!

I like rona two days before as PP said lol.

Are you able to have a casual (or as casual as possible) chat with two that bicker if they start, asking them to lay off it on the holiday? If that’s your only issue bar expense?