18yo got his GF pregnant.

[SnickersTwix]

I’ve changed names for obvious reasons. Background for context:,

My DB is considerably younger than me. Despite this we are close and he looks to me for advice and emotional support.

My DB is 18 and about to get his A level results. Real high flier offer to Oxbridge if he gets the grades on Thursday. He and his girlfriend (been together 6 months) found out she is pregnant. Not planned at all- she was on the pill. She is also 18 and was due to attend university in a different city. I think she is 2 months pregnant and has ruled out an abortion.

Prior to this news DB had confided in me that he was considering ending the relationship. He didn’t see how there relationship would survive long distance (100 miles between their expected universities).

Since finding out about the pregnancy my brother has said he will give up his university place and get a job to provide for girlfriend and baby and work towards a deposit for a flat. Part of me thinks that’s lovely and the other part of me knows he’s very naive and has no idea what the reality of his plans would mean. I’m also aware he was considering finishing with her before all this.His salary without a degree will also be low.

Our mother has told him he has to go to university. It was his GFs choice to keep the baby and he can’t throw away his future. Meeting between GF’s mum and our mum went terribly. Her mum expected my mum and her mum to bring up the baby to allow her DD and my DB to go to uni etc. My mum having none of it.

He feels trapped between his own naive ideas and that of our mothers.

So AIBU to encourage him to not go to university or should he listen to our mother?

Our home town university isn’t great and no where near as good as his Cambridge offer. GF wants to be at home near her Mother so moving her to Cambridge with him is not an option. School think Cambridge won’t defer the offer and tbh can’t really see how that would help.

They can* change. His haven’t.

but yes we can want things in life that we don’t get to have. A great example of that would be the girlfriend.

he doesn’t need to do what you think he does. I’m not sure why that’s so difficult to accept.

Oh my god I’m absolutely appalled by this thread and the advice. How awful and this poor girl 😡

in the real world people look down on men who leave other people to raise their children so they can achieve personal success

If the majority of posters here are anything to go by, the reaction will be the utmost sympathy for him.

It's no wonder cycles of poverty and lack of opportunity persist when you hear about the short-term thinking of the ex-gf and her mother (and some opinions on this thread, I have to be honest).

I was struck by the OP's update where she tells of how the ex-gf and her mother were trying ti confirm whether the boy will come into an inheritance at 21! Firstly, where have they got this idea from? Secondly, what kind of thinking is this? It's as if all they are capable of comprehending is "how much can we get now and next year?" They don't think beyond the here and now. So many alarm bells with this girl and her mother.

OP, do you think the girl's mother had her young? Is the father on the scene? Maybe this is all they know? Get pregnant and get what you can out of him as quick as you can?

I look down more on the women who trap men into pregnancy tbh

@lovelyboneslove

“There are plenty of careers/jobs he can go into without going to Uni.“

Are there? That pay well enough for him to live independently and pay child maintenance. What kind of jobs.

and yes it is suffering for the ex gf too - she might not realise that now but if she continues the pregnancy and has the baby she will suffer. All her mates will be at uni - partying, having new experiences, developing, they might go travelling and she’ll be stuck at home single with a baby, hardly any money, changing nappies etc, yeah she’ll suffer

@Blossomtoes

I think that’s optimistic. But sure, let him explain how he’s left a pregnant ex-girlfriend holding his baby so he can do other things. I’m sure it will go down really well.

But he can see them in that time.

He’s not joining a seminary though he may correctly be tempted

Lol, as if this thread alone isn’t self evident that it’s not rubbish. Never mind day to day life in the real world. What’s the point of objective morality if you’re free to ignore it?

People do a lot ‘worse’ than him on a daily basis and carry on through life perfectly contentedly

He started his business with nothing. Didn't say about qualifications. It was in reference to someone mentioning about cost.

@LittleBearPad I think it's best to agree to disagree. We both have different views.

‘I look down more on the women who trap men into pregnancy tbh’

So you think he should tell people? Nobody will think worse of him? How he didn’t wear a condom, refused to attend scans, told her not to call anymore and said he’d ‘see’ his baby in the holidays?

Well, if that’s the advice you want to give him, I think it’s not quite the worst suggestion of the evening, but it’s close.

I think you’re over estimating how much people will actually care, or even think on it at all.

Oh so the qualifications he had were irrelevant

You are very funny

Well, hopefully some of the posts here will provide @SnickersTwix with some amusement. Shame space will probably run out before she’s able to post to it any further.

No, in the real world men very often have the option to get away scot free, which is why many of us are emphasising his responsibilities. However, no one can make him want a child he doesn't want. Perhaps that will change and he certainly does need to do all he can to support, but this is not a wanted child on his part. I wasn't a wanted child on my father's part. Any resentment I have is about his utter refusal to accept responsibility and the way he treated my mother. I don't give a toss about not being wanted by him.

@whumpthereitis

Okay.

I could argue that perusing medicine will give the baby (when born) the best chance in life with the money that the profession will bring in from maintenance pay.
She told him she was on the pill when she’s wasn’t.
She could have taken a morning after pill but she didn’t.
She didn’t tell him she’s forgotten to take the pill, she must have missed 2 periods at least before she had told him the news and now she expects everyone to support her straight away?
She is very deluded.

She needs to go back to education and learn some life skills before she brings up any humans because that looks like it’s the priority at the moment.

So do I.

In a highly academic environment choosing to continue his degree will be seen as the obvious choice.

It makes far more rational and financial sense for him and the child

It seems that this poor girl was so desperate to keep him that she" forgot" to take her contraceptive pills and then 'forgot' to tell him untill she was twelve weeks pregnant. The girl's mother thought the family had money. They don't. This young man needs to become a doctor . It's a vocation not a job.

It would be interesting to hear it from the girls point of view. Always 2 sides to a story.

‘It makes far more rational and financial sense for him and the child.’

The child who is likely to live the first six or more years of its life without financial contribution from its student father, with a single mum struggling to cover basics?Sure, sounds rational.

There’s a lot of effort here going into the idea that ‘promising’ and ‘intelligent’ young men should have basically any level of excuses made for dumping their kids on society and looking after number one

100%. Meanwhile of course she should have an abortion. And if she doesn’t it’s her own fault.
The misogyny on this thread is something else.

www.nhs.uk/conditions/contraception/combined-contraceptive-pill/

for one.

No GP, teacher, health visitor or other has ever advised that the pill must be used IN CONJUNCTION with a condom EVERY time you have sex.

Yes if you are sick, on certain meds etc etc.

Neither of which apply here.

Nobody asked

OMG!! The whole of this thread has been about people finding your reasoning on this completely unreasonable!!

That you haven’t picked up on that yet says a lot.

So I’m formally asking you - what are the ethics of forcing a person to become a parent & change their life considerably to do so, when the life being created is being done for deception & to keep a teenage relationship going - when it would likely run it’s natural course.

Pray tell - I’m all ears?

Funnily enough that never tends to be trotted out in threads where a woman is being treated badly by a man.