Thanking strangers

[Wdib78]

I had a baby recently and 2 of my parents neighbours have bought a couple of outfits for my baby.

Bearing in mind I have never met either of these neighbours at all.

Before one had even brought the gifts round ( I was there when she brought it)
My dad said when you walk past just knock on xxxx door and show her DC
I said I'm not knocking on someone's door who I don't know to show them DC, that feels weird to me.

The other neighbour bought a couple outfits for DC and my dad said "next time you're round just knock on their door to say thanks"
He mentioned it again today while we were out for a meal and I said it makes me feel uncomfortable knocking on someone's door who I don't even know or met and say I'm your daughter, thanks for the stuff!
He said "well your mum can go with you"

I explained that If I was in that position in reverse if you passed on a thank you to me then that would do for me, I certainly wouldn't expect a personal visit.

His response " well you should!"
And slammed his glass down.

Even my mum was cringing, my DP can see how uncomfortable he's made me feel being so pushy with it.

Is it the norm to go round knocking on strangers doors because it feels awkward as hell to me and he knows I've always been painfully shy. I didn't want to kiss a waiter on holiday at 9 years old but he was adamant then that I should. I feel he has no boundaries. Or should I just do as I'm told?

Read again, I said if I was in that position in reverse.
I would put a card through at the very least, but I NEVER said I wouldn't say thank you.

I am very shy and introverted. But I am also an adult and have manners, so I would knock and say thanks. I'd be really anxious about, but I would do it because my shyness isn't an excuse to not behave like an adult.

At the very least, you should put a card through the door.

This isn't actually about the thank you itself, though, is it? It's about the fact that your dad used to get annoyed by your shyness when you were a child and now you've got issues with him for that reason. He was certainly being unreasonable when you were nine years old and made you kiss a waiter, absolutely - I would hated that when I was a child too (and I used to hate it when my parents made me phone people, or when my mum sent me over the road to ask a neighbour if we could borrow something, or when they made me come and say goodnight to visitors before I went to bed when they were having people round for dinner, and all that stuff).

But he is not being unreasonable now. I can see why he finds it irritating and slightly embarrassing that you as an adult cannot knock on someone's door, even when accompanied by your mother, and suffer two minutes of slight awkwardness to say thank you for the baby gifts.

Hear his tone of voice and fucking say that

OP I think you would get good support on the Stately Homes thread. Many people there have difficulty with overbearing family members and can advise.

www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/4531618-April-2022-well-we-took-you-to-Stately-Homes?page=24

"Hear his tone of voice and fucking say that."

OP you are rude.

Everything that @10HailMarys has said is fair.

Why are you even responding to this thread any more? If anyone responds with an opinion that differs from yours, as above, you are standoffish or think it's okay to swear at them.

Sit down and have a conversation with your Dad if you don't like the way he talks to you.
Say thank you for the baby gifts.
Just get a grip and be an adult.

Because 50% don't know what they're talking about.
If I'm getting called names then I'll damn well say something back, unlike when I was a child being forced into allsorts and my mum letting it all slide.
So is everybody else going to stop commenting then?

@Wdib78

There are far deeper rooted issues here that need to be addressed. They need to be addressed by you speaking to your parents about it.

Stop seeking opinions from random strangers on the internet if you can't handle all the responses and deem it okay to swear at people who "don't get it." Of course no one fully understands, you keep drip feeding information about your past and current relationship with your Dad that skews the story. No one is "calling you names." No one.

Just speak to them, for goodness sake. Your feelings about the whole situation won't improve until you do.

I'd just take a pic of baby in whatever they bought, print it, write a thank you note on the back and put it through their letterbox.

Brefugee · Today 07:27
2 issues. I waited a few months, then sent everyone who had given me a gift a thank-you card with a photo of us and said baby. (people understand if it takes a little while, you have a baby to look after)

That is absolutely normal. I gave my actual neighbours; people I speak to all the time a gift for their baby. A card - same card for everyone - came much later.

Massive LOL at this.

I would happily say that in response to any tone of voice, because I am an adult and I behave like one instead of having weird teenage arguments with my parents over basic manners.

Your responses are not doing you any favours here, OP. You are basically exactly like your dad, aren't you? You snap and shout and lose your temper when you don't get your own way. Maybe that's why you find him annoying - you're incredibly like him, clearly.

Send a thank you note.

I didn't call you any names. You have been repeatedly aggressive and rude throughout the whole thread.

OP, if your issues with your parents are this bad that you are shouting at strangers online about it, you need therapy. You are massively overreacting to everyone here, and if that is the legacy of having grown up with your overbearing father, get some help to deal with that because this isn't healthy for you or people around you.

Step away from the internet. You have a beautiful new baby to enjoy.

I don't try to bully him or anyone else into anything, so no, I'm NOTHING like him, I've just had enough of his shit 🤷‍♀️

Maybe OP is getting pissed off with some posters treating her exactly the same as her dad has over the years. I'm with you OP, I wouldn't be taking my child round there and you don't owe them anything, you don't even know them.

Do you live with your parents op? Because I can't get how you don't even know what your neighbours look like and are saying that you'd not recognise them if you bumped into them. Or are they your parents' neighbours and you live somewhere else?

Op doesn't have an issue with saying thanks via a card which is perfectly normal and acceptable behaviour.

The issue is her Dad demanding she rattles people's doors who she doesn't know to say thanks. Or demanding she takes her mother with her.

Notice the Dad didn't offer to go with her to the parents neighbours/ friends it was Op on her own or Op and Mum.

Has anyone ever rattled the door of a stranger to say thanks?

It says in the OP that these are her parents neighbours

That would be the obvious assumption! OP is a grown woman (and not particularly young if you read her OP properly) with a husband and a baby so why on earth would you think she lives with her parents. If OP wouldn't recognise them at all, I'd assume she moved out years and years ago.

Your responses are not doing you any favours here, OP. You are basically exactly like your dad, aren't you? You snap and shout and lose your temper when you don't get your own way. Maybe that's why you find him annoying - you're incredibly like him, clearly.

That's totally unnecessary. Yes, I'm aware swearing at you wasn't necessary either, but given OP has evidently been navigating clear and obvious problems with her father throughout her life to tell her she's exactly like him (you have no idea and make that claim on no authority whatsoever) is a really low blow.

You don't know OP or her father, therefore how can you possibly know if she's anything like him? And how do you know she's shouting and losing her temper? It's text on a screen.

Firstly I feel it’s odd that your parents’ neighbours you’ve never met have given your child gifts but I would be writing a thank you card myself, I’d be far too shy to knock on their doors too so I totally get it. Your dad pressuring you and telling you what to do is the difficult thing here but judging from the results of this poll clearly a lot of other people think this is fine, I’m really surprised. You never said you weren’t going to thank them in some way, I just don’t think I’d want to knock on random people I’ve never met to show them my baby, after just having a baby. I am admittedly shy with strangers too though, so maybe I’m in the 22% minority with you who would feel uncomfortable with it.

Why is saying thank you so awkward for you

I moved out at 18 due to his controlling behaviour, they live a short walk away and moved there a few years ago, neighbour in question moved in last year, hence I have no idea what they look like 😊
To all those who implied I wouldn't say thank you at all, called me awful, petulant, rude, ungrateful etc , just because I didn't type it doesn't mean I wouldn't send a card, just like I cant really type all the other things I've been forced into doing for the last 40+ years and there's always been the "well you know what he's like" excuse from my mum who is lovely but has absolutely no guts to stand up to him no matter what he said to me.

Going to a complete strangers door is due to my own insecurities is hard for me, that's what this entire thread has been about, it may be easy for some but not for me, I'm not going to keep repeating it

While the poll is saying 72% think she is being unreasonable. The vast majority of comments are saying send a card / photo or some form of written thanks.

I'd be surprised if 72% would rattle the door to say thanks / with or without mums presence. But it's 100x easier with mum their than going completely alone. But that's a time thing too, going alone could be a 5min job, going with mum could easily turn into an hour - oh come have coffee, and mum say Yes and your stuffed for the next hour.