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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Thanking strangers

162 replies

Wdib78 · 15/08/2022 20:11

I had a baby recently and 2 of my parents neighbours have bought a couple of outfits for my baby.

Bearing in mind I have never met either of these neighbours at all.

Before one had even brought the gifts round ( I was there when she brought it)
My dad said when you walk past just knock on xxxx door and show her DC
I said I'm not knocking on someone's door who I don't know to show them DC, that feels weird to me.

The other neighbour bought a couple outfits for DC and my dad said "next time you're round just knock on their door to say thanks"
He mentioned it again today while we were out for a meal and I said it makes me feel uncomfortable knocking on someone's door who I don't even know or met and say I'm your daughter, thanks for the stuff!
He said "well your mum can go with you"

I explained that If I was in that position in reverse if you passed on a thank you to me then that would do for me, I certainly wouldn't expect a personal visit.

His response " well you should!"
And slammed his glass down.

Even my mum was cringing, my DP can see how uncomfortable he's made me feel being so pushy with it.

Is it the norm to go round knocking on strangers doors because it feels awkward as hell to me and he knows I've always been painfully shy. I didn't want to kiss a waiter on holiday at 9 years old but he was adamant then that I should. I feel he has no boundaries. Or should I just do as I'm told?

OP posts:
WhileMyGuitarGentlyWeeps · 15/08/2022 21:39

turquoise1988 · 15/08/2022 21:36

@WhileMyGuitarGentlyWeeps

Are we even reading the same thread?

Where in this thread has the OP said that her Dad asked her to "thank them profusely, and sit and have a cup of coffee, while they paw your baby?"

They are people not dogs ffs.

And the BABY is not a dog FFS Hmm

luxxlisbon · 15/08/2022 21:41

I said I'm not knocking on someone's door who I don't know to show them DC, that feels weird to me.

Its not weird. They know your parents and they bought a gift for the baby. A quick knock knock to say thank you is hardly a massive inconvenience.

turquoise1988 · 15/08/2022 21:41

@WhileMyGuitarGentlyWeeps

...I don't think you've answered the question?

luxxlisbon · 15/08/2022 21:44

@WhileMyGuitarGentlyWeeps And the BABY is not a dog FFS Hmm

Literally no one is acting like the baby is a dog.
It’s completely normal to thank someone when they have gone to the effort to get a gift for you to mark a big life event like having a baby.
Your over the top responses are rude not to mention just antisocial.

Luredbyapomegranate · 15/08/2022 21:47

Send a thank you card, like everyone else does in situations like these.

Of course you need to thank them personally, and of course you don’t have to take the baby round if you don’t want to.

Dinoteeth · 15/08/2022 21:53

I think everyone agrees they should be thanked but that doesn't need to involve rattling a strangers door.

Its really not that unusual to get new baby gifts or wedding gifts from parents friends. A thank-you card is sufficient.

Op your Dad sounds a bit of a bully demanding you do stuff outwith your comfort zone.

bbqhulahoop · 15/08/2022 21:53

A card is fine but no acknowledgement is rude imo

Original poster
Wdib78 · 15/08/2022 21:56

Scrapologist · 15/08/2022 21:30

I think it's strange for your father to practically demand you go around and thank people in person! He sounds rather grumpy and like a man who must have everything his own way and is always right. 🙄

A note would be fine, or your mum could snap a photo of your baby wearing the clothes (or at least with the clothes next to the baby) to send them along with a quick message of thanks. That would be plenty. Honestly, your parents could just say, the next time they see the neighbours, that you thanked them for the clothes. It isn't the sort of thing that requires an in-person visit to strangers. They gave you baby clothes, not a kidney or an offer to pay the baby's way through uni!

You've got him down to a T there

OP posts:
Original poster
Wdib78 · 15/08/2022 22:00

JUST WHERE HAVE I SAID I WONT BE THANKING THEM????!!!!
I WOULD HAVE AT THE VERY LEAST POSTED A THANK YOU CARD.

OP posts:
catandcoffee · 15/08/2022 22:06

I'm still shocked he made you kiss a strange man when you were 9.

Stand up to his bullying you're an adult now and not a little 9 year old anymore.

He sounds like one of those "what will the neighbours think " type.

You never asked these strangers to buy you anything for your child.

In your situation I would buy a thank you card.... give to your bully dad,to pass on to them.

If you can't find the strength to stand up to your Dad,do it for your child.

godmum56 · 15/08/2022 22:07

Wdib78 · 15/08/2022 20:25

I wouldn't be able to "bump" into them as I don't even know what they look like 🤣

It's stressing me out the way I've been a bitter disappointment all my life until after 16 years of infertility I've finally managed to produce a grandchild and now I'm flavour of the month

ah....backstory....the problem posted is not the problem

Original poster
Wdib78 · 15/08/2022 22:12

catandcoffee · 15/08/2022 22:06

I'm still shocked he made you kiss a strange man when you were 9.

Stand up to his bullying you're an adult now and not a little 9 year old anymore.

He sounds like one of those "what will the neighbours think " type.

You never asked these strangers to buy you anything for your child.

In your situation I would buy a thank you card.... give to your bully dad,to pass on to them.

If you can't find the strength to stand up to your Dad,do it for your child.

I never did kiss the waiter but he tried to make me every night, he invited us for a meal at his home and waiting for him to pick us up my dad hissed in my ear " and you WILL kiss him tonight!"
Anyway he never turned up 🤣 and I wouldn't have kissed him anyway.

OP posts:
Hugasauras · 15/08/2022 22:12

@WhileMyGuitarGentlyWeeps No but that's not what you said was weird Confused

'Friendly, and well-meaning, but buying their neighbours grandkid a present, when they have never met the child OR the child's parents. Very weird.'

And I don't think that is very weird 🤷‍♀️

jammiewhammie65 · 15/08/2022 22:14

Send a card. Problem solved

TheMossEnthusiast · 15/08/2022 22:19

I wouldn't like this either. Two people you've never met have bought you clothes for your child. The clothes probably aren't cheap, and its also quite presumptive of them to just buy something like that out of the blue. Puts unasked for pressure on you. I'd personally go with a thank you card and leave it at that. If they get annoyed for not being showered in thanks for buying you a gift then they didn't do it for you, they did it to look benevolent in front of your parents.

MissMaple82 · 15/08/2022 22:23

You definable dint need to say thank you!

Christonabike37 · 15/08/2022 22:30

I think it's weird buying clothes for your neighbours kids baby that you don't even know.

It's absolutely absurd that you dad wanted you to kiss a waiter who probably wanted to marry you tbh! I remember my dad not protecting me from the pervy men in Egypt, I felt like I was going to get kidnapped constantly.

Just post them a really nice thank you card in the mail. They'll rave to your dad how lovely it was for you to post a card and he'll have to eat his tongue.

EmeraldShamrock1 · 15/08/2022 22:59

I don't think anyone implied you were a horrible human nor had pp's any idea what your relationship was like with your father until further posts.

You asked was it acceptable to knock, pp's answered based on your OP.

Say thank you or don't but getting angry at pp's isn’t helpful.

mondaytosunday · 15/08/2022 23:05

They aren't giving gifts for you, but because of their friendship with your mother. They may have no interest at all in meeting your baby. A thank you card dropped in or via your mother is fine.

SparklingLime · 15/08/2022 23:38

Wdib78 · 15/08/2022 22:12

I never did kiss the waiter but he tried to make me every night, he invited us for a meal at his home and waiting for him to pick us up my dad hissed in my ear " and you WILL kiss him tonight!"
Anyway he never turned up 🤣 and I wouldn't have kissed him anyway.

Show quote history

That was absolutely vile of your dad, OP. A disgusting way to treat you. I can see why you object to his behaviour now. Say your thanks in the way that you choose to.

oopsfellover · 15/08/2022 23:43

It sounds as though your problem is with your father and his pushiness, which I wouldn’t like either. Obviously you do need to say thank you by some means. Don’t ask your parents to pass on your thanks (not that you’ve said you’re going to); it’s weird when adults do that.

GeorgiaGirl52 · 16/08/2022 00:06

RemusLupinsBiggestGroupie · 15/08/2022 20:21

YABU and ungrateful. Get your mum to take you and the baby round and say thanks - she and they would love it.

This^ You are a parent now, not a child. Act like an adult.

Original poster
Wdib78 · 16/08/2022 01:39

GeorgiaGirl52 · 16/08/2022 00:06

This^ You are a parent now, not a child. Act like an adult.

Show quote history

Just how the fuck am I being ungrateful? I've said I'll say thanks! Its the forcing me to go round there that's the issue , I'll say my thanks my own way.
If all people can repeat is to say thank you when I have already said that I will then you may as well not bother posting at all.
If people don't have anything constructive to say then jog on

OP posts:
ThinWomansBrain · 16/08/2022 01:50

was out with a moody 10 yr old, her parents and a friend the other week - paid for refreshments and a few other things - it was v clear that moody child had been told to say thank you at one point - but he did say it, even if it didn't come across as v genuine; but maybe the moody 10 y/o slightly advanced on OP

Original poster
Wdib78 · 16/08/2022 01:53

ThinWomansBrain · 16/08/2022 01:50

was out with a moody 10 yr old, her parents and a friend the other week - paid for refreshments and a few other things - it was v clear that moody child had been told to say thank you at one point - but he did say it, even if it didn't come across as v genuine; but maybe the moody 10 y/o slightly advanced on OP

What exactly do you mean?

OP posts:
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