Thanking strangers

[Wdib78]

I had a baby recently and 2 of my parents neighbours have bought a couple of outfits for my baby.

Bearing in mind I have never met either of these neighbours at all.

Before one had even brought the gifts round ( I was there when she brought it)
My dad said when you walk past just knock on xxxx door and show her DC
I said I'm not knocking on someone's door who I don't know to show them DC, that feels weird to me.

The other neighbour bought a couple outfits for DC and my dad said "next time you're round just knock on their door to say thanks"
He mentioned it again today while we were out for a meal and I said it makes me feel uncomfortable knocking on someone's door who I don't even know or met and say I'm your daughter, thanks for the stuff!
He said "well your mum can go with you"

I explained that If I was in that position in reverse if you passed on a thank you to me then that would do for me, I certainly wouldn't expect a personal visit.

His response " well you should!"
And slammed his glass down.

Even my mum was cringing, my DP can see how uncomfortable he's made me feel being so pushy with it.

Is it the norm to go round knocking on strangers doors because it feels awkward as hell to me and he knows I've always been painfully shy. I didn't want to kiss a waiter on holiday at 9 years old but he was adamant then that I should. I feel he has no boundaries. Or should I just do as I'm told?

Nice to see a voice of sanity.

So much angst and histrionics over people being kind.

Yes but in the post above, they were the OPs neighbours. The main OP of this thread doesn't know the people nor they here, they are her parents neighbours!

But it still doesn't mean it should be such huge deal to knock on the door and say thank you for a kindness. Such things used to be normal.

OP has expressed a few times that she would have an issue doing this

And I think that's a shame. It would take five minutes and would be entirely appropriate.

@Wdib78 I get it! I'm quite shy/introvert and would feel very uncomfortable knocking on a strangers door to say thank you!!

I'm on the other side of it though, prolific knitter but no grandchildren yet so i knit for any babies/toddlers I have any vague connection to. Younger colleagues, older neighbours/colleagues/friends whose children have babies or young children. They are very popular, I even get requests for more or for others to give as presents, younger generation seem to like the novelty of handknits! I have a huge stack of those compilation postcards that people seem to do these days as thank you cards, I don't know these babies/children but feels wrong to throw them out. Sometimes people even send me a present for knitting which I hate as makes me feel awkward and I'm trying to save them money by making things as I was always short of money when mine were little. My favourite thank you is simply a WhatsApp photo of said child wearing my creation, doesn't cost anything but a moment of time and doesn't leave me feeling awkward or having to store more thank you cards. 💐

@RemusLupinsBiggestGroupie
I think I'd find it easier to rattle the door if it was my own neighbour I didn't know. Partly because I'd want to make an effort to get to know my neighbours and I can create better small talk, when did you move here, any kids yourself, how are you liking it, where were you before etc

But I'd feel as awkward as anything to rattle a parents neighbour. I'd definitely do the thank-you card.

From a grandma of 8

Dad is doing what he knows as a normal thing to do - let the neighbors see the baby. In fact it’s not so long ago that people would take the baby out in the pram so the neighbors or any stranger coming up the road would put a silver coin in the pram for luck and tell you how Bonny your baby was.

It was lovely of the neighbors to buy a gift for your baby. It was a lovely thing for them to do for your parents as well. It’s just a nice heartwarming experience when other people share in the joy of a child being born.

Buy a card for each of them and nip round with it the next time you’re at your parents. A couple of minutes on their doorstep passing the time of day and hearing how gorgeous your a baby is and that you’re doing a great job as a mum is the kind of that helps the world go round.

Lovely. Go, NanaNelly!

It amazes me that someone who has given birth and has therefore had total strangers staring up their vagina can feel 'uncomfortable' about knocking on someone's door to thank them for a gift.

Ah a neighbour passed on her grandaughters bouncy chair on hearing I was going to be a Nanny. She doesn't know my son.

I did say to him we should knock and say thank you, and then she can see baby. She was over the moon.

Lots of people just want to 'see' baby. No idea why, but if I'd gifted I'd probably want to see baby too!

Is it the norm to go round knocking on strangers doors because it feels awkward as hell to me and he knows I've always been painfully shy.
When they have been kind enough to give you a present - yes of course it is!
You need to master your shyness. It will be a good exercise for you.

I didn't want to kiss a waiter on holiday at 9 years old but he was adamant then that I should. I feel he has no boundaries.
That's gross & inappropriate, but for your sanity you need to separate it from his perfectly reasonable desire for you to be polite to whoever-these-strangers-are.

Or should I just do as I'm told?
You shouldn't need telling. You are an adult. They gave you a present - you need to thank them!

Yes because it's exactly the same thing 🙄

Hahaha!
More strangers have looked up mu hoof than I care to count. Fertility treatment and all that!

But I couldn't rattle the door of a stranger, bung an card through it and run fast LOL!

To be fair, parturition is involuntary by that point, whereas it's not uncommon for many people to squirm at the thought of voluntary social contact with new people.

It's not OP's fault she is painfully shy - but it is her responsibility, & I hope she views this necessary short contact with 2 strangers as a nice little practice run.

OP - you are a mother now. One of your chief jobs will be to advocate for your child. That will mean speaking with & sometimes negotiating with people you don't yet know. Decide that you are going to keep doing it until it becomes a little less uncomfortable, & embrace this opportunity to start doing just that by knocking on these people's doors.

I'm shy, but I could manage going with my mum (or dad) to knock on a door and say 'Thank you for the lovely outfit' and 'Here's the little creature for you to say hello to' or something of that ilk. Then smile when they coo over the baby and then say goodbye. Simples, as the meerkat would say.

And I say this as somebody who is prone to over-thinking and being a bit socially awkward.

@DoraSpenlow

Yes. The Op going round with her mum or dad if she can’t do it alone is the perfect solution.

I was off my face on every drug imaginable and ended with an emcs, doesn't immediately override shyness and anxiety tho does it

FGS. Go and say thank you! If they are nice enough to buy your baby presents you can be nice enough to say thank you. What do you think is going to happen? You will have to chat for a few minutes? That's life. You have a new baby will have to do plenty of chatting to strangers in the years to come.

It's an opportunity to start tackling your shyness and anxiety before you have to start baby groups etc. You get better at things through practising them.

But why should she, when a thank you card will do the job?

These are strangers, OP owes them nothing. she didn't ask them to give her presents. Yes, it's a lovely thing to do but forcing OP to thank strangers in person at their door is too much.

Have you not read all my posts saying I'm going to 🙄

And talking strangers and trying to make small talk isn't exactly the same as trying to advocate for your child in any sort of professional setting, Docs, nursery, school or whatever.

Even gibbering to random at baby groups are easier because you know what sort of reception you are getting. Are you getting a friendly smile in return?

Rattling a door, is different.
And yes would be easier with someone else there but still.unfair of the way her Dad is demanding and not suggesting he goes with her. Like Babies are womans talk.

Just to acknowledge that I’ve read your reply.

Then today is a school-day for you!