Thanking strangers

[Wdib78]

I had a baby recently and 2 of my parents neighbours have bought a couple of outfits for my baby.

Bearing in mind I have never met either of these neighbours at all.

Before one had even brought the gifts round ( I was there when she brought it)
My dad said when you walk past just knock on xxxx door and show her DC
I said I'm not knocking on someone's door who I don't know to show them DC, that feels weird to me.

The other neighbour bought a couple outfits for DC and my dad said "next time you're round just knock on their door to say thanks"
He mentioned it again today while we were out for a meal and I said it makes me feel uncomfortable knocking on someone's door who I don't even know or met and say I'm your daughter, thanks for the stuff!
He said "well your mum can go with you"

I explained that If I was in that position in reverse if you passed on a thank you to me then that would do for me, I certainly wouldn't expect a personal visit.

His response " well you should!"
And slammed his glass down.

Even my mum was cringing, my DP can see how uncomfortable he's made me feel being so pushy with it.

Is it the norm to go round knocking on strangers doors because it feels awkward as hell to me and he knows I've always been painfully shy. I didn't want to kiss a waiter on holiday at 9 years old but he was adamant then that I should. I feel he has no boundaries. Or should I just do as I'm told?

This!

Again, pointless response

Some may be comfortable knocking a strangers door,
I would firstly stress triple check the correct door,
Then worry how the conversation would go when they open the door, what if its the man or kid of the house who don't know about the gift, and don't really know what to say either?

I could imagine the conversation going,
Me all cheery; Hi, I'm Jennys DD round to thank you for the baby gift,
The man feeling a tad awkward; Oh right,

WTF do you say next???

Exactly

You say thank you & then leave. It's really not hard, however if you don't want to do it, then don't!

Posting on MN & then getting arsey when you don't get the response you want makes you seem immature & ungrateful - but hey, you do you.

Because I already said I'd say thank you?
It seems you too cannot read

You should say thank you , it's just basic manners. Take your Mum with you if you'd feel awkward.
Making you kiss a waiter aged nine - wrong.

@Wdib78 that you sound like a petulant ten year old.
People put themselves out to do something nice for you, and you can't be arsed to say thank you.
I understand that a child may need to be encouraged to say thank you, as part of teaching courtesy and good manners - but an adult?

An adult can say thankyou by card fairly normal practice, which I'm sure Op would do no need to rattle a strangers door.

I know if it was someone like my mum who opened the door she'd be very chatty and would say thanks for bringing LO round etc. And I'd struggle to get away.
If it was someone like my dad or Granny who are quite a shy people really the conversation would be as awkward as hell and I wouldn't quite know how to say Goodbye.

I can’t believe people are telling OP, mother of a newborn, to go round to the houses of some randoms to say thank you. They might be her mum’s neighbours but OP has never met them and doesn’t even know what they look like.

I wish people would stop putting these expectations on women.

A thank you card is more than enough.

I think if you don't know them at all, a thank you passed on via your parents (who obviously do know them and are friendly with them) is fine. They can show them a photo if your baby in the clothes.
Obviously, you are grateful for the gift, but as total strangers to you, it is all a bit odd. A bit different if they'd known you as a child, or similar.

so, the gift wasn't really for you or the baby, as they don't know you! It was for your parents, as new grandparents, but it would be weird buying them something, so they got a traditional gift of clothes for the baby (that they don't know, and will likely never meet!).

OP, this thread is more about your relationship with your Dad and how you feel he pushes you to do things rather than about saying thanks for a baby gift.

You feel awkward knocking on the door of someone you don't know, which is a bit awkward, but you just have to put it to one side as they've been generous enough to buy your baby gifts, which I assume you are happy enough to keep and use.

You are annoyed because you wanted people to tell you not to bother knocking on the door, and several people have. Yes, it's probably a generational thing, but handing over a card to your Mum is probably seen by your parents (and other people) as an easy option. The general opinion of people here is that they've gone to the effort of buying gifts, so the least you can do is show your face to say thanks. You are an adult!

Good luck with your baby.

Has anyone actually knocked the door of a stranger, friends of parents, to say thanks?

Sound like a ridiculous amount of effort for something you neither wanted or needed from people you don’t even know. Especially as she’d got a newborn to look after. Who’s to say the outfits even fit at the moment. A generic card to be sent to all grifters will do.

I think a card through the door would be fine. I also think your Dad is probably the reason you are shy in the first place.

In your shoes I would definitely go round.
It would only take a couple of mins and I'm not the most sociable person with people I do t know!
It's an easy convo to have. ' hi I'm Jim's daughter, thank you so much for the outfit, she'll look lovely in it'
It's just a normal every day social interaction.
Its much easier and quicker than taking and printing pictures and buying cards!
Someone has done a kind thing, I honestly do t know why it's such a drama to say thanks.

2 issues. I waited a few months, then sent everyone who had given me a gift a thank-you card with a photo of us and said baby. (people understand if it takes a little while, you have a baby to look after)

Your dad, however, should stop trying to tell you what to do, especially to the point he's having a tantrum about it.

Congratulations on your lovely baby.

I've literally said 3 times that I'm going to say thanks how come you haven't read all my posts before insulting me?

Well, you sound charming.

A bit of social nicety doesn't harm anybody. These people have gone out of their way to choose presents for the baby - it would cost the OP nothing to just go and say hi and thanks.

Its also quite presumptive of them to just buy something like that out of the blue. Puts unasked for pressure on you.

MN never fails to amaze me. So many people on here see nice gestures as some sort of attack. It's fucking weird.

I have a Dad just like this - he gives me 'the stare' even though I'm 49 years old ! I do understand where he is coming from though in that it's just the neighbours being kind and you do need to acknowledge that. Just pop a thank you card through the door . I think that a time ago people would buy gifts or drop round food for neighbours and its a lovely thing to do that seems to be dying out.

Its also quite presumptive of them to just buy something like that out of the blue. Puts unasked for pressure on you Give over!. A nice gesture and it wasnt from a random stranger. It's hardly pressure to say ' Aw thanks for the outfit, its lovely '

She does NOT have to take her baby around to this person she has never met because her bossy fucking dad demands it. And she is NOT ungrateful. No-one asked these people to buy anything FFS!

so much aggression for a nice gesture! Blimey. I take it you don't believe in random acts of kindness then!🤣

I had just moved into my neighbourhood and had ds1 a few weeks later. I didnt know any neighbours but once they noticed I had the baby nice cards and flowers. Theres no pressure, just people being nice.

MN never fails to amaze me. So many people on here see nice gestures as some sort of attack. It's fucking weird I totally agree!

OP, the issue here is clearly your dad. His pushiness and, seemingly, lifelong habit of riding roughshod over your boundaries, is naturally affecting your responses and it's clear he won't be making it any too easier now you've become a mother yourself. In that case, I completely understand where you're coming from. A mother's natural instinct is to protect her child. Of course you're bristling and inclined to resist his behaviour. Who wouldn't be?

It's sad that you've felt a 'disappointment' until you produced a grandchild. His imperious demands and expectation that you jump in capitulation to his orders is annoying, but it's the thing with the waiter is downright creepy and concerning. I agree with you: his boundaries are off.

You are a trouper for standing up to this appalling behaviour in your more impressionable years. I had a problem father too, and know this isn't easy. You've said thank you: your own inclination to stick a card through their doors as an additional thank you is more than sufficient.

You're completely justified in telling your dad to wind his neck in. YANBU.

But you were t going to say thank you. You said you'd ask your parents to pass on your thanks next time they saw them.