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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Thanking strangers

162 replies

Wdib78 · 15/08/2022 20:11

I had a baby recently and 2 of my parents neighbours have bought a couple of outfits for my baby.

Bearing in mind I have never met either of these neighbours at all.

Before one had even brought the gifts round ( I was there when she brought it)
My dad said when you walk past just knock on xxxx door and show her DC
I said I'm not knocking on someone's door who I don't know to show them DC, that feels weird to me.

The other neighbour bought a couple outfits for DC and my dad said "next time you're round just knock on their door to say thanks"
He mentioned it again today while we were out for a meal and I said it makes me feel uncomfortable knocking on someone's door who I don't even know or met and say I'm your daughter, thanks for the stuff!
He said "well your mum can go with you"

I explained that If I was in that position in reverse if you passed on a thank you to me then that would do for me, I certainly wouldn't expect a personal visit.

His response " well you should!"
And slammed his glass down.

Even my mum was cringing, my DP can see how uncomfortable he's made me feel being so pushy with it.

Is it the norm to go round knocking on strangers doors because it feels awkward as hell to me and he knows I've always been painfully shy. I didn't want to kiss a waiter on holiday at 9 years old but he was adamant then that I should. I feel he has no boundaries. Or should I just do as I'm told?

OP posts:
FangsForTheMemory · 15/08/2022 20:12

I would send them a card saying thank you.

BitOutOfPractice · 15/08/2022 20:12

They’re not “strangers” though. They’re your mom’s friends.

PollyRockets · 15/08/2022 20:18

YABU

Be polite ffs and say thank you for buying your child gifts

MrsMorton · 15/08/2022 20:19

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

SirenSays · 15/08/2022 20:20

This is one of those things that feels horrendously awkward until you do it. They'll be lovely, go and say thank you

Wildflower922 · 15/08/2022 20:21

My granny brought a taxi driver into my home (slightly different I know) to see my little one when they were born and I went ape shit. Looking back now I feel like a right bitch, and I accept my hormones were up the left. Everyone just wanted to share in the joy in retrospect! Just my experience

RemusLupinsBiggestGroupie · 15/08/2022 20:21

YABU and ungrateful. Get your mum to take you and the baby round and say thanks - she and they would love it.

CrappyJob · 15/08/2022 20:22

Put a card through the door. If you are feeling like it, maybe include a photo of your baby wearing an outfit that they bought.

I wouldn't be knocking on the door of someone I don't know to thank them.

BasiliskStare · 15/08/2022 20:22

AS @FangsForTheMemory I would stick a card through the door and say Thank you very much

coodawoodashooda · 15/08/2022 20:23

SirenSays · 15/08/2022 20:20

This is one of those things that feels horrendously awkward until you do it. They'll be lovely, go and say thank you

Knock on the door with the thank you card. It won't be as awkward as bumping into them and realising you haven't acknowledged their kindness. Your Dad doesn't want to seem as though you don't appreciate their gesture.

TheNinny · 15/08/2022 20:23

I had this with my neighbours and random distant relatives. I wouldn’t knock either but did slip a short thank you note through the door when I knew no one was home.

takingmytimeonmyride · 15/08/2022 20:24

I would send a card, and that's it. I also would hate going to see someone I don't even know with my baby.

Your dad is BVU to try and force you into seeing people (and for trying to kiss someone when you were a kid.)

Dinoteeth · 15/08/2022 20:24

I'd sent a card, and probably include a photo of DC but I'd find it weird to chap a door of someone I don't personally know to say thanks.
At a push I'd maybe suggest Mum comes with me to drop the card round and show off baby but I definitely wouldn't chap the door alone.

sellthesizzle · 15/08/2022 20:25

Just knock on the door and say thank you - YABVU

Original poster
Wdib78 · 15/08/2022 20:25

I wouldn't be able to "bump" into them as I don't even know what they look like 🤣

It's stressing me out the way I've been a bitter disappointment all my life until after 16 years of infertility I've finally managed to produce a grandchild and now I'm flavour of the month

OP posts:
RemusLupinsBiggestGroupie · 15/08/2022 20:27

Wdib78 · 15/08/2022 20:25

I wouldn't be able to "bump" into them as I don't even know what they look like 🤣

It's stressing me out the way I've been a bitter disappointment all my life until after 16 years of infertility I've finally managed to produce a grandchild and now I'm flavour of the month

Well, that's about something much bigger than knocking on a couple of doors.

You don't seem to like your dad very much - but in this instance, he's right imo.

GroggyLegs · 15/08/2022 20:28

You definitely should say thank you, but you do not have to make yourself uncomfortable doing it!

I'd be okay knocking & showing off my new baby, but I completely understand why others wouldn't.

We sent a thank you postcard with a photo of the baby to everyone who gave gifts, including a couple of mums/MILs friends.

notanothertakeaway · 15/08/2022 20:29

I get that it would be awkward to go round on your own, but go with your mum and let these kind neighbours see your baby. It'll only take a moment, and it's polite

DeanStockwelll · 15/08/2022 20:30

I agree , you should thank them , be that in person with / without your LO or by putting a card through the door.

Or ask for their number and give them a call or send a text .

If you don't and you see them in person and they say did you like the gift in your position I would feel awkward having not thanked them beforehand .

Manners cost nothing but pave the way for a long time .

SunshineLaughter · 15/08/2022 20:32

I wouldn't want to knock on their door either! Give your mum a thank you card to pop through their letter box. Do it asap so it's done.

Original poster
Wdib78 · 15/08/2022 20:33

Don't worry all those posters who think I am a horrible human being, I will be going round to thank them, I just don't like the way my dad goes about it , I cant use his tone of voice while typing unfortunately and suffer a lot of stress and anxiety when it comes to his pushiness.

OP posts:
Original poster
Wdib78 · 15/08/2022 20:34

As I've said, I've no idea what they even look like as we've never met

OP posts:
thinkningaboutit · 15/08/2022 20:42

A card is enough but if you're going to go round take your dad. Why take your mum?

ConfusedGin · 15/08/2022 20:43

Congratulations, firstly.

Personally I'd be content with a hand written card popped through the door, maybe a picture of the baby if you have something ready to go, but I don't think anything more is needed.

But...

Going TOTALLY the other way, if you're not comfortable knocking on their doors, and I get that, would you be more comfortable on your own 'turf'? Could you ask your dad to invite them over to see you briefly? I say Dad as a) he's the one who is sooooo bothered by this and b) I don't think he'd do it if the onus was on him to approach them so you might get out of it that way.

"Wdib and baby will be over next Saturday for a visit and she'd like to say thanks for the gifts, would you like to come over at 2pm for a coffee before she pops home?" You can say thanks, in a space you're more comfortable in but with an escape plan (feeding or needing to get back for a nap / delivery / dinner etc) after a short time. If they can't make it, you offered.

It also means that your parents can do some hosting to keep conversation going with idle street gossip and make it less awkward than just knocking on a stranger's door.

This could just be Monday night madness after no sleep and a long day talking though.

pimlicoanna · 15/08/2022 20:45

I'd automatically write them a thank you card