To be absolutely furious about this and drop DSS off at her house anyway?

[CottonCandy11]

It's me, DH, our son and my DSS who is 9. He's a lovely kid this is nothing to do with him personally but his mother.

He was due to go back to his mum's last night after being with us the previous 3 nights. She rang in the day and asked if he could stay another night as she had been invited out to something.

My husband asked me as he had to start work very early this morning (travelling down south so had to set off at 4am).

I said yes on the very strict proviso she comes to get him at 8am as I have a day out planned.

My son is 4 and I've planned a mother / son day out. Booked tickets for something and am really looking forward to just spending some fun downtime with him on our own. He's been poorly recently too and just got better last week so it's a nice treat for him (and me!).

Anyway, DH has just rang me saying she's messaged him saying sorry she won't be here for 8 as she ended up staying out so won't be home yet until about 11.

I'm so angry. I know her partner is at home (they have a baby so he's been in with their DC) and I know DSS has a key if he's still asleep. I'm seriously minded to go and drop him off with her partner. She'll be furious but I literally couldn't give a shit about what she thinks now, she cares about no one else whatsoever. It's always been the same, hers are the only plans that matter.

But I'm not missing my day with my son, I've been looking forward to it and I'm not having him and me miss out because she wanted to go on a piss up last night and didn't get home.

Agree 100% . Poor kid. Whilst the OP is being reasonable to be pissed off, I wonder why she didn't include her DSS in her fun arrangements from the start.

Baffling innit @dogmandu
Oh hold on, no it isn't.
OP didn't factor DSS into her day out with her 4 year old because he was scheduled to have been taken back to his mum's yesterday.
Doh!

And I doubt a 9 year old would be enthralled by whatever show/event OP has tickets for that is meant for 4 year olds anyway.

You don't know how much fun stuff OP already does with her DSS.
You just wanted to Bash A Stepmum didn't you? 😂

It was when I was on my way there. I don't think her DP even knew tbh. Because I think she was hoping she could talk me round before I dropped him off.

What happened when you dropped him off. I feel bad for him but this really isn't your fault!

It sounds like it was deliberate to try and get him with you on the day out?

Nothing, her DP was in the kitchen (can see through the window) and saw DSS coming up the drive so he went and let him in. I waved and drove off.

Good for you OP, hope you and DS have a lovely day out. Will there be fall-out from ex when she learns you dropped DSS off do you think? Obviously she won't have a leg to stand on but I know that doesn't stop some (entitled) folk kicking off! And no, no more favours for ex, I would be telling DH not to even ask me on her behalf in future, it would be an automatic no.

It was you that made up the safety concerns part so you're the appropriate person to reply to, and yes you are being silly. Actually that's quite a muted way to describe the speculation you felt moved to indulge in.

The op married a man with a dc. That dss has a dm. Who couldn't be arsed to get back in time to parent her own dc.... 'Poor' dss is going to his dm's house. Not visiting Rose West... Nowt poor about him. Good on you op.

Yeah in that case she probably was.

I don't know why but the reluctance she has for her partner to be alone with her son is worrying me greatly 😞

Yes probably. But I've blocked her now so I don't care.

It’s really concerning that DSS mum is so insistent she wants him with you and not her partner and other child. That feels very unusual to me. Could Your DH ask her about that? Or do you think she’s just trying to get some extra time of him being looked after elsewhere?

overall I think you’ve done the right thing by making sure DSS is somewhere safe and kept out of the adult situation while also enforcing a boundary so she knows you’re not someone she can manipulate.

She probably just doesn't want to have to deal with it with a hangover.

Depending on how often this happens, I would make a note of things like this and potentially push for Your household to be the primary and have them longer than 50/50 and have them pay maintaince into OPs household.

She’s happy for the partner to be there with their baby, so I wouldn’t worry too much.

Good on you!

She was hoping to be able to stay out even longer, wasn't she? With her partner looking after the baby and OP taking her son out for the day, she was making plans for her own day out.

@ApplesandBunions it wasn’t me that made up the safety concerns, someone else said, ‘’are you sure her DP is safe around children?’’ to which came the reply ‘’Hardly OP’s problem’’ which I thought that attitude was shitty so I replied and I wasn’t the only one!! Shoot me 🤣

The child is 9. I would think that if he really didn't want to be alone with the partner, he would have said something.

If the mother is likely to have issues with the partner because of this - she should have been home for 8am, as was agreed.

I’m looking forward to the mum’s AIBU thread - DS step mum has ruined my hangover day.

@CottonCandy11 good for you I'm glad you dropped him off. You're a better woman than me biting your tongue not sure I'd be able to. She sounds awful. Don't fo her any more favours! Have a great day out x

If there is any genuine reason to worry no doubt the ex will get off her arse and get back home. But as she's happy for her partner to be alone with her baby, it doesn't sound like he's likely to present any danger.

Of course he's fucked off to work.

His son was meant to be back with his mother yesterday.
Mother changed her plan - DH consulted with OP, letting her no he was fine with her saying 'no' to the extra night, because he was due to get up at 4am for work today & would not be available in a parental capacity.

DH duly went to work at 4am.
His ex then decided to announce that she was happily reneging on her 8am promise.
How is that DH's fault, & what is he meant to do about it, several hours into his journey & work day?

Nah, I'll just keep discussing how silly it is when you continue to claim it. Which you have done several times now: if your point was only that you disagree with the view that it isn't OP's business, that's all you'd have said.

This.