To be absolutely furious about this and drop DSS off at her house anyway?

[CottonCandy11]

It's me, DH, our son and my DSS who is 9. He's a lovely kid this is nothing to do with him personally but his mother.

He was due to go back to his mum's last night after being with us the previous 3 nights. She rang in the day and asked if he could stay another night as she had been invited out to something.

My husband asked me as he had to start work very early this morning (travelling down south so had to set off at 4am).

I said yes on the very strict proviso she comes to get him at 8am as I have a day out planned.

My son is 4 and I've planned a mother / son day out. Booked tickets for something and am really looking forward to just spending some fun downtime with him on our own. He's been poorly recently too and just got better last week so it's a nice treat for him (and me!).

Anyway, DH has just rang me saying she's messaged him saying sorry she won't be here for 8 as she ended up staying out so won't be home yet until about 11.

I'm so angry. I know her partner is at home (they have a baby so he's been in with their DC) and I know DSS has a key if he's still asleep. I'm seriously minded to go and drop him off with her partner. She'll be furious but I literally couldn't give a shit about what she thinks now, she cares about no one else whatsoever. It's always been the same, hers are the only plans that matter.

But I'm not missing my day with my son, I've been looking forward to it and I'm not having him and me miss out because she wanted to go on a piss up last night and didn't get home.

Petty would be seeing messages that are going to wind you up, & potentially embroil OP in fury & spoiling her day out with her 4 year old.

That wouldn’t be classed as petty.
If she was sending nasty messages to OP then she wouldn’t be petty feeling upset or annoyed.

There’s no reason to block her.
The mum isn’t usually a CF and I doubt she’d have much to message seeing as her son was back at home fine.

If she was texting abuse then by all means block but she hadn’t and doesn’t sound like that would happen anyway.

Petty would be seeing messages that are going to wind you up
Yes, this makes no sense.

You can mute messages from someone, it means you're not alerted to them and they don't pop up, but it's not as antagonistic as blocking someone because unlike with blocking, they won't know if they're muted.

That's what I would have done.

I'd be blocking her for the reason that I'd have no intention of communicating directly with her again and I'd like her to know this loud and clear.
Not sure why OP should care about antagonising this woman or looking bad in her eyes. OP is choosing to no longer engage with the BS. Perfectly reasonable decision. She didn't have a child with her after all.

If I was in your position I'd be hoping my DH would be investigating why she was so desperate for him to not be dropped off with her partner. That's weird surely?

The OP doesn't have to care.

But it's certainly not wrong for me and others to say we would take a less antagonistic approach. I wouldn't block someone who was the parent of my SDC unless they were being abusive or harassing me, because it's someone I would want to be contacted by in emergencies if DH wasn't available etc

Good for you dropping him off. Sucks for the child that his own mother doesn't want to look after him but it's really not your problem.

It's okay for OP's husband's ex to be a selfish, pathetic excuse of a mother who leaves everyone in the lurch, but OP is wrong to block her so she can actually enjoy her day out with her son? Oh, please!

I'm not sure about Apple but on Android the other person cannot tell they have been blocked. Either way I think the OP was well within her rights to block, she wanted a fun day out with her child without being bothered by messages or calls from her step sons mum. The notifications would have been visible every time she opened her phone even if she had muted them.

Two short messages? It doesn't exactly equate with looking after a bored child who doesn't want to be there, does it?

I don't think you are wrong to block her at all.

Just putting the word "follow" so I can easily find the thread if I come back to look.

@momtoboys you can follow a thread easily by clicking the 'bookmark' option at the bottom of the last post or wherever you got to in the thread. Saves filling up the thread with pointless 'followings' or 'f' etc.

It's okay for OP's husband's ex to be a selfish, pathetic excuse of a mother who leaves everyone in the lurch, but OP is wrong to block her so she can actually enjoy her day out with her son? Oh, please!

This is pathetically simplistic thinking. Just because someone thinks A is wrong for doing something minor doesn't mean they automatically think B is NOT wrong for doing something major.

Few if no people are saying it's okay for the mother to have acted like that. The poll makes it very easy to see: most by far think the mother is BU.

As well as thinking the mother was out of order, some of us also think the OP blocking the mother was unwise or childish.

I have 20 years' experience of being a step-mother, and it's probably the same for others on her who who have said they wouldn't have blocked the mother. We're not talking out of our arses. We don't hate step-mothers. And we're not martyrs. But equally we're not the type who easily froth at the chance to type "CF!!!' and get turned on from someone socking it to the bitch.

You haven't succeeded so far.

On the one hand, he can go back home as always planned, where he can play with his own stuff, contact his mates etc, and is looked after for (hopefully) 2.5 hours by his stepfather whom he gets on with.

On the other hand, he can suddenly discover that plans have been changed at the last minute and he has no choice but to be dragged out to a 4 year old activity because his mother isn't going to collect him.

Which do you think would make him feel more unwanted?

Some people must just be posting for a laugh. I can't believe the bollocks some are coming out with.

Hilarious or stupid.

It's okay for OP's husband's ex to be a selfish, pathetic excuse of a mother who leaves everyone in the lurch, but OP is wrong to block her so she can actually enjoy her day out with her son? Oh, please!

We don't know this woman and if she is indeed a 'pathetic excuse of a mother' kid's dad needs to do something about it.
Or maybe this is pure speculation and an opportunity to bash the ex based on this one incident detailed by OP.

Why shouldnt she block the mother? Thanks to the woman's own stupidity she no longer has any need to speak to op. Its not like op is going to be doing any more childcare for her is it?

She's palming her kid off on op so she can go out and get pissed until 11am the next day. She's not winning any mother of the year awards.

Jesus christ, anything could be going on in her life , you only know one thing about the woman. 🤣

Actually the OP's question wasn't whether the mum was BU, but whether OP was BU to drop DSS at mum's house.

Some might think blocking is unwise but it's almost like people have forgotten who's been doing who the favours in this dynamic - sounds like there have been various things OP's helped out with in the past which benefit DSS's mum on her contact time but DSS's mum has zero she can offer OP in return. If OP decides she's already done enough and will relax and enjoy her day better by blocking DSS's mum rather than muting, ignoring or whatever then that's her call to make.

Actually the OP's question wasn't whether the mum was BU, but whether OP was BU to drop DSS at mum's house.

Thank you @DebussytoaDiscoBeat I know. I was responding to what the PP I quoted said, not what the OP was asking.

No one's forgotten who has done the favours. The only ones we've been told about btw was one yesterday and today and one three years ago. It's possible there haven't been any in between; if there had then the OP may well have said no yesterday as she'd have recent proof of the ex taking the piss.

Of course the OP can decide if she wants to block or not. And equally, as its a discussion forum, some of are entitled to share that we don't think it's wise. The OP is free to ignore whatever comments and advice she wants.

Good on you!

I genuinely admire your boundaries.

There’s a lesson there for me - when people give you shit, you don’t have to take it.

Mumsnet has revealed to me that this must happen so much more than i was ever aware of. Some of the threads on here leave me reeling (not this one, this one I do feel the OP really had every right to be very very pissed off)