To be absolutely furious about this and drop DSS off at her house anyway?

[CottonCandy11]

It's me, DH, our son and my DSS who is 9. He's a lovely kid this is nothing to do with him personally but his mother.

He was due to go back to his mum's last night after being with us the previous 3 nights. She rang in the day and asked if he could stay another night as she had been invited out to something.

My husband asked me as he had to start work very early this morning (travelling down south so had to set off at 4am).

I said yes on the very strict proviso she comes to get him at 8am as I have a day out planned.

My son is 4 and I've planned a mother / son day out. Booked tickets for something and am really looking forward to just spending some fun downtime with him on our own. He's been poorly recently too and just got better last week so it's a nice treat for him (and me!).

Anyway, DH has just rang me saying she's messaged him saying sorry she won't be here for 8 as she ended up staying out so won't be home yet until about 11.

I'm so angry. I know her partner is at home (they have a baby so he's been in with their DC) and I know DSS has a key if he's still asleep. I'm seriously minded to go and drop him off with her partner. She'll be furious but I literally couldn't give a shit about what she thinks now, she cares about no one else whatsoever. It's always been the same, hers are the only plans that matter.

But I'm not missing my day with my son, I've been looking forward to it and I'm not having him and me miss out because she wanted to go on a piss up last night and didn't get home.

This has got to be the pisstaker’s fucking charter.

“Let me burden you, ruin numerous plans you’ve made, and dictate your day to day life according to my whims. If you dare complain you’re lowering yourself, and for payment I’m gifting you with the ability to bask in martyrdom. Just make sure you don’t overextend your shoulder joint when you’re patting yourself on the back”.

Sounds delightful.

Mummying is a competitive sport nowadays. You can't just crack on and do your best, you have to sacrifice every single ounce of yourself, whilst making sure that other people know about it. Phrases like "well I would walk over hot coals" are particularly useful to show strangers on the internet what a top mummy you are.

@HailAdrian

Absolutely not. Complete deal breaker for me. I would rather stay single than do the whole step mother thing. I’ve only got time and emotional energy for my own kids. Always listening into my friends who are in similar predicaments as the OP and I just thank my lucky stars that is not my life and never will be. it’s a thankless task anyway as usually it doesn’t matter how incompetent the real mother is, they are the ones with main influence over said child.

Even if me and my husband divorced and I found someone else. Strictly over 16s only 😂.

Either she’s worried about dss and step dad
or
hes had enough of her taking the piss
or
shes lied about where she was and what she was upto.

It's in the First post. He was already staying with his father. This was an extra day tacked on the end.

I think they meant stayed at home with his stepfather at his mums house.

All the usual double standards about Step Mothers on this thread.

Marrying someone with children makes you a step parent, parents remain fully responsible for their kids. God knows most Step Mothers are told to get back in their box if they try to parent/discipline their step children but they're expected to take on full caring, and often financial support for step children when it suits the parents. And it's only the Step Mothers - Step Father's don't have the same expectation.

This thread is absolutely bonkers!

Just reading the first page DSS sounds like the hot potato no one wants. Between 4 grown adults no one is there for him this morning. It’s not OP’s fault but must be hard on the little one.

Not sure how this changes what I said. The boy was staying at his father's house as usual and the mother asked to tack an extra day on. He wasn't at the mother's house to stay at home with the step father.

ffs the dss didnt even know about the planned day out get a grip

the stepfather is probably pissed off his partner keeps on fucking off and leaving him with the kids so she'd rather piss off her exes partner

this has nothing to do with op-shes already had him for 4 nights

Of course there are people there for him this morning. He is at his mother's house as planned, with his step father and half sibling.

If she's in anyway a decent human being, then she will.

Whatever about how his mother and partner are behaving, it is not his fault and he will pick up very quickly any feelings of not being wanted.

It's bad enough for him that he has what seems to be a selfish mother, but no child deserves to feel that no-one wants to take him for a day.

The point was why couldn't the boy stay with his stepfather at his own house when he was dropped off back home. After the stay.

This. Absolutely this.

What the hell is she doing that requires staying out all night until 11am the next morning?

It actually sounds like she's arranged a overnight stay in a hotel or something and not bothered to arrange adequate childcare and just winged it and hoped you'll just roll over and look after your SC for her and you have;you've held up your end of the agreement;she's a CF.

No is a complete sentence,your DH should have told her no,get it sorted.

You can bet she'll be painting you as the wicked step mother to her friends.

His dad was there for him for the past 4 days - despite the original plan being for 3.
OP was there for him this morning. Happily, by arrangement.
His stepdad was there for him from after 8am this morning, when OP dropped him off.

The only person "hot potato"ing DSS is his own mother, who tried to shove him at OP twice, but only succeeded once.

And OP managed that piece of pisstaking so neatly that DSS is not even aware of it. So you can stop beating your breast over it @MooPooBoo

How many more times?! 😂

DSS does not know about OP's day out.
DSS - a 9 year old - is not going to be interested in a day out for 4 year olds.
DSS knew he was to be taken home around 8am today. Which OP arranged to still happen, despite his mother's fecklessness.
DSS is spending the morning (or day, depending on when his mother returns) with his stepdad.

You are getting your pants in a bunch over a non-event, as far as the lad is concerned, @spirit20

The OP was right to block DSS mum, otherwise her day out would have a background of texts from the mum complaining about OP.
She cam unblock her this evening

Hi, thanks for all the messages. We are having a lovely day so far.

I don't think it's immature to block her. I don't want my day spent receiving messages from this woman. DH is her co parent she can badger him and can do so in future. There's no real reason for her to need to contact me directly.

Don't know if DH has spoken to her more, I've told him I don't want to know.

I think you probably did the right thing in dropping him off. BUT I think you should've gone to the door and communicated with her boyfriend, rather than just sending kid on his own. And I think you're wrong to block her.

I'd extend that to over 16's as well if I were you Dalaidramailama, my DSC have presented us with more problems in their early 20's than we had their entire childhood, even factoring in exW's shenanigans when they were little!

No, you’re fine to block her OP, there is nothing she needs to specifically say direct to you today that takes precedence over spending time with your DS. You can always unblock her another day if you feel like it, but her primary POC for all things related to their mutual child should be DH.

Now get off this thread and go and enjoy the rest of your day out!

And I think you're wrong to block her

She has absolutely no need to contact me today.